I Should Have Stopped Her

Empty words were all Merit muttered as she trotted back and forth the length of the enclosed field as she waited for me to tell her what really happened. Once or twice, my ears caught a sentence but no more than that. With my back to the fence, I slowly slid down to the grass and let out a deep sigh of relief which earned me a snort from my companion.

"You're not saying anything" She complained.

"Sorry." I replied with a tired wave of my hand. Although, my eyes were to the ground, I knew when Merit came to stand just in front me. So, I peered up from under my lashes at the mass of a shinny fair skin in front of me. I allowed my eyes to travel up the length of her body and met her gaze. My chest tightened.

"I should have stopped her", was all I could utter.

A series of images flashed through my mind. Harriet, in a bathing suit, water splashing, a cry for help.

I clasped my hands down over my head, a pathetic attempt to stop the invasion.

Merit lowered herself to the ground, her legs folding neatly beneath her as she continued to observe me. The memories kept flooding back without warning and I felt my walls crumbling down.

I was at the beach again, the sun was warm against my skin, and a pair of big brown eyes were gazing up at me. Her laughter pierced my ears.

I must have appeared dazed because Merit nudged me with her muzzle, pulling me from my reverie.

"Do you remember what happened?" Merit inquired, her voice cool and even.

I shook my head in response.

She stretched out two long legs and crossed one hoof over the other. Tell me all you could remember she said, ignoring my answer. I clutched my chest as my heart threatened to tear out of my ribs. More images kept coming.

I let my head hang low and began the story as I remembered it.

"Tracy and I.....She's laughing and..."

My voice caught in my throat and my eyes burned with the tears. I should have stopped her. I took a deep breath and continued.

"She wanted us to go deep into the water, something about being one with nature."

"She took my hand, pulling me deeper into the sea"

I paused and tried to slow my breathing. Every muscle in my body was tensed. Sensing my inner struggles, Merit drew me close to her embrace, in an attempt to calm me down.

I should I have stopped her, I cried out, I shouldn't have listened to her when she said we should go deeper. I should have refused. I shouldn't have allowed her go deeper. All these memories made me cry uncontrollably.

Seeing me in such a state, Merit requested I shouldn't tell her about the incident anymore, but sadly, she already made me remember some of it, if not all.

This was an incident that took me years to forget and now, I had to bring back the memories to strengthen my relationship with Merit. She needed to know about my past and this was an important part of my past she needed to know since she asked about my first love and what happend to her.

Had it been I stopped her from going deeper, perharps, Tracy would have still been alive today. I blamed myself for her death. The wave was so strong, it came and took her away. There was nothing I could have done since we had to go deeper.

I lost her that day and that same day, I lost myself for so many years until Merit came into my life. Remembering this incident almost crushed me, but as we all know, our past always have a way of coming up to destroy our future. So, to preserve my present and save my future, I have to let go of my past.

This is purely fiction. Thanks for visiting my blog.