My dad’s love language is money.

I never actually realized this until recently.

He doesn’t love money.. he expresses his love through money.

Growing up, I didn’t communicate much with Dad cos he was always busy; our few interactions were often him asking if I had enough pocket money. If I said no and wanted more, he’d slip me an extra $20 or $50.

I didn’t think much of it back then except yay more money to spend.. it was only much later that I found out whenever Dad gave me more pocket money, he was doing so out of his own allowance (mom controls the finances at home) and he would instead, pack sandwiches in lunch boxes to his workplace.

He doesn’t make a big deal out of it; he does it quietly, sometimes telling me “don’t tell your mom,”.

Dad finally retired this year and I’m a grown ass adult but even right now, he would text me privately once in awhile asking if I’m doing okay (cos I no longer live with my parents) and if I needed any money.

But recently, I got a random message in my inbox.

It was from one of Dad’s ex-colleague.

She had bumped into an old lady that used to clean at dad’s workplace. The old lady was trying to locate someone who blessed her with a huge sum of money when her husband passed away.

Dad’s ex-colleague thought it might actually be my Dad.

I asked Dad.. and it was him; but he had one simple plea, “don’t tell your mom,” (lucky my mom isn’t on social media).

Then it hit me.

Growing up, besides slipping me extra pocket money, Dad would do the same for elderlies who were selling tissues at the hawker centre or secretly tip the food delivery guys. Occasionally when mom catches him, she’d sometimes chide him with remarks like, “you think you’re a bank/charity?” but Dad would still give if he had the means.

Yet Dad wasn’t born into money. His father abandoned the family early on and despite being the youngest of five siblings, he had to start working to support his family. Even when he started our family with Mom, he still took it upon himself to support my grandma financially till she passed on. I always asked why he was carrying the added financial burden all by himself when the rest of his siblings weren’t contributing.. he’d simply say, “this is my duty as a son,”.

I was out with my Dad and younger bro the other day. We sat down at some food court.

Dad pulled out a $50 note and handed it to me.

“What’s this for?”

“Go buy your food,” Dad causally said like it was a norm.

It would’ve been a norm if my brother and I are still kids cos that’s what he’d do whenever we ate at a food court or hawker centre.. but we’re all grown ass men and he’s still slipping me money!

My younger brother laughed and said, “that’s Dad’s pocket money that Mom gave him,”

The thing about Asian parents is, they don’t always express their love in conventional ways but in the subtle things they sometimes do. Asking if we’ve eaten. Preparing a cup of milo or our favorite meal. Going out of their way to do things for us, only for us to perceive their care and concern as naggy and annoying.. we tend to only realize their acts of love and sacrifices later in life or as we mature.

When we were young, whenever my sister, brother and I asked Dad what he wanted for his birthday or Christmas, he’d say something along the lines of “for you to grow up well and live a decent life”.

Now that we’re all grown up and he’s retired, he’d tell us he doesn’t want or need our money or any materialistic thing.

He only has one request.. for us to promise him that if he ever goes too soon or unexpectedly, we’d continue taking care of mom for him.

My dad isn’t a rich dad. But his heart is full and his soul is rich.

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ps: Thank you for taking time to read this and to some of you, for sharing your story as well. If you resonated and would like to connect, you can add me Matthew Zachary Liu