I now offer you some simple techniques that will help you teach your children how to protect themselves from harassment today. To begin with, I recommend buying a small amount of candy (or something else that suits you) in order to create a relaxed light atmosphere, relieve tension.
Now take a sheet of paper, pencils and give to the child. Ask the child to draw or write the name of an adult with whom he can share any situation when something unpleasant happens to him: someone threatens, someone hits, takes things away, touches intimate places, in the case when the child is sad because of something. It is very important that the child has a person whom he can trust and with whom he can share. It doesn't have to be mom or dad, sometimes the child feels more comfortable with his grandparents or other loved one. It is important that the child knows in advance whom he can turn to in a difficult situation. If we are talking about a very young child who still does not know how to call, explain to him that he can turn to an adult to get a call for him.
Now I will tell you about the technique, which in Hebrew is called "3 ל": lo, larutz, lesaper -
No;
Run away;
To tell;
Research shows that children who know these techniques are able to respond correctly in critical situations. For children, this is a kind of vaccination against such situations. This is not a magic wand, it does not mean at all that having mastered these techniques all pedophiles will disappear in the child's environment. No, but this will give the child the opportunity to act correctly when meeting such people.
For example, what do I do when a boy older than me comes up to me and asks to touch intimate places: I say no! In this case, it is important to raise your hand and, as it were, swing at the attacker. Sometimes it happens that we find ourselves in a stupor precisely because we do not know how to react. This technique can be taught even to a small child from 3 years of age.
Another technique that can be taught to a child from about 8 years old. It so happens that once in a store, in public places or in public transport, someone "accidentally" touches us or cuddles too close. Sometimes it is really difficult to understand, maybe the truth was too close and the person did not intend to do anything bad ... What to do? How to react? Shout? Make a fuss? Blame?
We do not know how to react, therefore we often fall into a stupor and wait for it to "pass by itself." By the way, serial criminals know this very well and take advantage of the situation. Therefore, it is important to note that our tactile sensations are our most highly developed senses. If someone touches us, it is likely that he pays attention to it. This is not really that important. What matters is our personal reaction to what is happening. If someone accidentally fell asleep on my shoulder on the bus, then I act exactly the same as if someone did it on purpose. We call the response to this type of action "3 stages".
By acting on this principle, you provide yourself and your children with more confidence. So, what are these stages:
Stage 1: Determine what I see. I'm standing in line and someone is pressing too close to me ...
Stage 2: Say how I feel.
Stage 3: Say what I would like to happen without asking questions.
Here's an example: you are standing in line, someone is pressing too close. It is not pleasant for you: "Sorry, you are touching me too close, it is not pleasant for me, move away, please!" Or: "Sorry, you are touching me, it does not suit me, step back a little, please!"
The most important tool in such cases is to listen to your inner feelings, to your intuition. For example, adolescent children often check where the line is between consent and disagreement, and they themselves do not always understand this line. Teach your children to listen to their inner feelings. So, a few decades ago there was no research on intuition, it was even considered something mystical. Today this area is developed, there is a number of studies on the topic of intuition. Today we know how important it is to listen to your intuition, how important it can be in our life.
Let me give you an example. Psychologist Richard Wiseman in his book talks about research in which he studied successful people and those who considered themselves to be failures. One of the findings of the study is that successful people always listen to their gut. This enables them to avoid risks and take advantage of opportunities. There is a saying that prayer is the way to communicate with the Almighty, and intuition is the way to hear Him. Therefore, it is very important to teach children from an early age to listen to their intuition.
If, for example, a child comes up to me and asks something on a certain topic, then I ask him a counter question: "What do you feel inside yourself? What do you feel, what should you do?" It is possible that at first the child will say that he does not know that he has no inner feeling, but over time he will learn to listen to himself.
Another important point that I would like to talk about is secrets. It is important to teach children to recognize "bad" and "good" secrets.
What are "good" secrets?
For example, we are organizing a birthday surprise for dad, or we bought a present for grandma, but we don't want her to know in advance. We keep it a secret. Such a secret will be revealed over time and everyone will be happy from it (dad will be delighted with a surprise, but we will be glad that we were able to please dad).
What are "bad" secrets?
These are the secrets that hurt us, make us sad. For example, someone touched my intimate places and then asked me not to tell anyone, saying that it was "our secret". You can't keep such secrets. You need to tell about such a secret to an adult whom we trust (the one whose name the child wrote on paper).
So, your homework for today:
1. Explain to children that there are places on the body that no one can touch without asking, and we are forbidden to touch other people's intimate places;
2. If someone touches the child, what do we do? No, run away, tell. If something sad happens in life, so that there is someone to whom you can tell about it;
3. Three stages: what happens, what I feel, what I want to happen;
4. Learn to listen to your intuition and teach this to your children;
5. Teach to recognize "bad" and "good" secrets.
Having conducted a similar training with children today, we will give them tools that they can use tomorrow and protect themselves from meeting someone who might offend the child.