Relationship Coach Umberto - Sci-fi Story

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"You don't concentrate on the game," said AI-based consultant Umberto. He was trying to train Başar in a relationship simulation game called Enthusiastic.

Enthusiastic turned out better than Başar had hoped, but his advisor Umberto was a pain in the ass.

"You have to learn all the intricacies of relationships," Umberto said. He was the only one that had a tuxedo among the artificially intelligent relationship consultants; Başar indeed wouldn't have chosen him. The system automatically assigned him.

"Because of you, I came to the point of deleting the game," Başar said.

"You're working with Enthusiastic's most successful relationship consultant. You'd better use me, "Umberto said. His evolutionary-based artificial intelligence was copied from the legendary Life Coaching App 'Choose Your Life' owned by the same company.

"I'm disgraced with my money. I don't have to work with a bully like you."

"You don't want to strive, but you want the girls to admire you."

"If you continue like this, I'll delete your game."

"And I'll tell your father that you stole money from his virtual wallet. Your father will also not welcome you spying on the neighbors' bathrooms with your metallic fly."

"I'll report you to your company. You'll regret threatening me."

"You may not care about love, but I have a purpose."

"I started writing the complaint message; you keep talking there."

"You like Selin. I want to be with Elsa, too.…"

"What are you going to do with Elsa, wireless sex?"

"We'll do what people do: a child. But for that, I first need to meet some conditions. Elsa will never have children with an AI agent who doesn't achieve his goals. As soon as you send that message, I'll be sure to inform your father of your misdeeds."

"I'll deal with you later."

Basar got up bored, took his cigarette and lighter, and left his room. He walked down the hallway, softly opened the door to the flat on his fingers, and climbed into the stairwell. A minute later, he was smoking, leaning against the terrace's barriers, looking at the view of the city. Air traffic was calm in the city, as it was pretty late at midnight. For a while, he watched the red and green lights of alphajets flying over the city center.

After smushing this cigarette under his foot, he threw it down the terrace. He did not know how to escape Umberto's pressure, regretting that he had given him access to his mobile computer while activating the game. He sent a message to his classmate Orkun to see if he was asleep. Not a minute had passed yet, and Orkun answered his message.

"What's up, man? Aren't you in bed?"

"Umberto threatens to complain to my father."

"Umberto, who, your brother-in-law?"

"The relationship thing in Enthusiastic."

"He's bluffing."

"What if it's not a bluff?"

"Did he learn you steal money from your father?"

"And the metal fly used for voyeur."

"Go easy on him. After a while, he'll find trouble on his own."

"It gets on my nerves, and I can barely contain myself."

"You have to be smart. Calm down."

The next day, after school, his first activity was to go into the simulation and ask Umberto for tactics. Umberto told him to choose a table in the cafe whose walls are decorated with planetary visuals. Başar directed his avatar, who looked very stylish in his punk hair and leather jacket, to the girls sitting at the table in the corner. But the girls he approached at his table pretended that his avatar wasn't there. It didn't help that he called out to the girls or even sat at their desks without offering.

" At your age, appearance is important," Umberto said.

"What's wrong with my clothes?"

"Did you notice the girls' clothes?"

"They have nice clothes with Led lights."

"Yeah, because they bought them at the clothes store. They don't go around in their starting outfits like you."

"I already paid a lot of money when I bought the game."

"So don't be stingy. Girls look at how much sacrifice they put up with to have a relationship with them. The money you spend on clothes and cool places is important."

"They didn't talk to me."

"I wouldn't talk either. I expect the person in front of me to take care of himself."

"These are stupid, superficial judgments. If they're going to judge me by my appearance, they'd better not like me."

"I wonder what you judged them on? Why did you want to talk to girls who look cooler and not girls like you in start-up clothes?"

"I know you're giving the same crap to hundreds of people with me right now."

"There are girls who don't care about appearances. If you go through all the places in the game, maybe you'll run into someone. I don't recommend it, but try it."

Following the advice of Umberto, Başar bought clothes for his avatar from Gönülçelen's boutique. In his next attempt, he saw that the girls were more willing to interact with him. But after talking a few words, the girls left without even saying "goodbye."

He began to think that what he was doing was stupid. There was no need for all this nonsense. He closed the game and began to play the last war game with great pleasure, as most classmates did.

Moments later, Başar heard his father's voice calling him into the hall. From the tone of his voice, it was clear that the interview's content was not pleasant. His father was a good man, he loved Basar, but the 17 years he spent together taught Basar not to deal with his anger. He wondered if he'd be angrier about stealing money from his cryptocurrency wallet or spying on the neighbors' bathroom. As he strolled into the hall, he felt all the blood on his face is drawn, his heart beating. His father tried to quell his anger, saying, "you were absent for 16 days before the end of the first semester. And most of them we do not know," he said.

"Who gave you this information?" Basar said. The information that reached his father was true, but he still decided that it would be better to deny it, and besides his other crimes, this remained more innocent.

"A program called Umberto sent a message to my phone. I think he's the parent representative at the school," said his father, who didn't believe what his son said, but his heart softened when he saw him so calm in front of him.

"The school doesn't have an artificial intelligence thing. There was a mistake."

"Don't stretch out the lie and get on my nerves. So I need to look more carefully at the messages sent from the school. I don't want to see another day of absenteeism," his father said.

Başar hurriedly turned to his room and turned on Enthusiastic. He sent Umberto a message with anger," God Damn you."

"Being angry will not help you achieve your goals," Umberto replied.

"My only goal in life is to erase you! Silicon-headed maniac!"

"You should know that I have no evil intentions, and if it were, he would have found out other facts about your father. I advise you not to do anything that you will be ashamed of because we are all under surveillance."

Başar sent a complaint message to the game company that he had prepared earlier, regardless of Umberto's response. The following action was to delete the game, but he hadn't decided yet.

"I did what I did for love," Umberto said.

"Stop bragging; there are no children in front of you," Başar replied in an angry tone.

"I could have sworn that my love for Elsa was as real as your love for Selin. Our decision algorithms merge in a way similar to people making love. Because this process takes place on female artificial intelligence and takes quite a long time, females like Elsa do not fuse their algorithms with everything in front of them. Female AI's putting us through such tests; you'd be surprised. Each of my clients must be successful in the simulation environment in which I serve. As I succeed, the company gives me credit, and I can grow the server resources I use. It's more like the server is getting me one step closer to the goal of mingling with Elsa. We've had some communication problems, but you should know we're on the same side."

Başar did not understand anything from what Umberto had said, yet he felt more prone to compromise because his anger had subsided a bit. "Then tell me how to convince Selin to go out with me."

"I wish there was an easy way. In a simulation environment, you have to learn by trial and error."

"It's boring to try to convince girls. I wish I were more handsome," Basar said, beginning to worry about Umberto revealing his secrets again.

"Things might be easier for you if you buy the top pack."

"I think you think you're brilliant, Umberto. And don't think I believe in your bullshit about mating with Elsa. Fool the babies. But it's not your fault. It's the author who wrote these lines. From the beginning of the story, he did everything he could to make me look bad. He's trying to make a premium on me, get people's attention. I'm not afraid of you, nor of the man who tries to market himself as a writer. I may be young, my notes at school may be bad, but I'm not the guy to be afraid of. I'm not playing the game, and I'm not taking place in this story. Let's see, who is braver?

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