I could listen to the man in “My Octopus Teacher” talk about being in love with an octopus for hours. I was sad when it was over.

Why can I watch a quiet, lonely man talk about an octopus without blinking, but I yawn the minute someone starts telling me about their “exciting” weekend? Why are some dates deeply boring, but other times there is a “spark” and we could talk for hours and hours?

Deeply interesting people seem to always make conversations come alive no matter what. Here are the habits that we can take from them.

1. Interesting people can light their own fire

I go on dates and hope the person shows interest in my life. Without that interest, it’s difficult for me to get excited about what I am passionate about. It should be the other way around.

If I want people to be interested in me, then I need to be interested in me.

Truly interesting people know what lights their fire, and they don’t need anyone to tell them it’s the right thing or not. This sense of confidence is completely infectious. There might be a period of doubt before you get on board, but truly interesting people don’t waver. They know what they like and they stick with it. Eventually, even cynical people come around.

2. They are secure enough to be excited about your thing

On dates, I sometimes find myself playing a game of interest withholding. “You’re not showing enough interest in me, so I’m going to withhold my interest until you do.” The result is the dumbest game of conversation chicken in the world.

Interesting people not only know how to light their own fire, but they also are secure enough to be over-the-moon about what lights you up. They make you feel like you are the most interesting person on the planet.

They don’t care if you are particularly interested in their thing, they are just excited to learn more about what you love. They encourage you to bring your passions to the surface. In return, we can’t help but be interested in them.

3. They are almost never too cool for school

It’s easy to find something “dumb.” It’s much harder to find a way to be interested in everything.

On one date, I was talking about how dumb I thought a reality TV show was. The person sitting across from me eventually revealed that they were on that show as a side character. I’ve never been more embarrassed in my life.

It’s tempting to put down stuff because we feel like it makes us look smart. However, interesting people feel no urge to do so. They are secure enough in themselves to find a way to be interested in anything.

I’m not saying you’re not allowed to have preferences, but deeply interesting people can take in anything and understand it in interesting ways. Maybe reality TV says something interesting about human nature. Maybe reality TV is a great place to look for characters.

Boring people are cynical and complain, deeply interesting people are curious.

4. They are OK with being fools

The first step to being wise is admitting you’re a fool.

Deeply interesting people are fun to be around because they don’t take themselves very seriously. They laugh loud and hard at their own mistakes and shortcomings. They know that they are always improving.

After having insulted this date by making fun of reality shows, I could have laughed at myself. After all, being interesting is a work in progress. Progress, not perfection.

Interesting people have let go of the idea that they are “cool” or need to protect their reputation. They are more excited about learning and connecting with whoever they are sitting with.

5. They are OK talking about themselves

Deeply interesting people know that people are happiest when you allow them to talk about themselves, and they encourage you to do it plenty. But they aren’t afraid to indulge themselves from time to time.

They are not overly polite rule-followers. They pay attention to how they are making you feel and they strike a balance accordingly. Above all, they want to connect.

It’s easy to come off badly when talking about yourself, and interesting people know this. They don’t force you to always talk about yourself. They offer stories about their own lives to take the pressure off.

Deeply interesting people talk about themselves in a way that is compelling because they speak from a place of true interest. Like the man enthralling me with his story of an octopus, we know that they are not telling us a story to manage our perception of them.

. . . But don’t manage perceptions

Uninteresting people tell stories to manage our perceptions. They brag, embellish, and exaggerate. On one level or another, we can tell.

Quick example: I knew a person in a meditation class. He once asked, “Sometimes when I swallow it pulls me out of my deep meditative state. Any advice?” After class, I heard some people making fun of his question. When I asked myself why, I realized it was because we could all tell the subtext of the question was, “I want everyone to think that I am a really deep meditator.”

Even if you think you are being really sneaky, people pick up on your subconscious desires in a conversation. Deeply interesting people have learned to understand themselves well enough to know all their desires and make them plain.

Interesting people are connected to the present moment, and they follow their instincts. They don’t blindly follow rules like “don’t talk about yourself unless asked.”

6. They almost never get resentful

Deeply interesting people are at peace with life and themselves. They have done the work to accept the way things are. They change what they can, and let the rest go.

This is a process that they never perfect, but deeply interesting people are almost always on this path. They are not spiteful or resentful. They accept themselves, faults and all, and know how to laugh when they make a mistake.

They accept other people, too, and are deeply curious about them.

7. They are grateful for opportunities to help

Deeply interesting people see opportunities to help others as exciting. They are grateful for them.

When you ask an interesting person for help, they act like you just did them a huge favor. Which you did.

Interesting people understand that a chance to get out of their heads is a great thing. They jump at it.

Being a deeply interesting person is about being in the moment and getting over yourself, but not forgetting yourself.

Interesting people are having fun, or they are engaged, and we can tell. That’s what we love about them.

If you want to be interesting, be interested.