how am i???? I can say for the last few days and weeks I’m a bit ok now, not fully recovered of course, but gradually getting up, crawling but I know the day will come when I will be able to walk well again.
I will admit that in the past month, I have been crushed, I can hardly see the pieces of my person and my heart in the extreme crushing, of what he did to me I do not know why I have to go through all the un.
It was a happy relationship, even though I knew he had shortcomings in me, it was ok because I understood, but the communication I asked him recently changed everything, it suddenly became like that, he suddenly lost the energy of his dealings with me.
I don't know where all the problems started, but each passing days I was miserable, my brain asked a lot, where did it all start? Is it just because of his family's problem? Is it because of me? because when I came home, was it because of some things that he was feeling that I had trampled on his ego? Is it because he thinks we are separated?
First of all I thought, he said their family problem. I know even if he does not say, it is very difficult for him, it is very painful what is happening now, just like he said to me before, “will you not be hurt that you will just wake up one day when your family grows up. that, that will never be built again ?? ” I know I don't really feel how hard it is for him, but many times I told him, he can lean on me, even if I just listen to his problems, it's ok with me, he can try me here if I leave him in the middle of crisis I will give up immediately, now I know he is weak then I will give up and leave him, and at that time un and even if on the map until now I can do it for kanya, a simple thing that signifies how important he is to me. When we got along after a few days of not talking to me ,, then I realized that my life would be if you were the one I could really be with for the rest of my life, I not only thought of the two of us immediately but a plan together with your sisters, That's when I thought that your youngest sister will be with us until we have a family, because I'm expecting that you will support her studies until she finishes college, which she is still in grade school, and your brother HRM will end this coming year, I'm planning to get her when I'm in the UAE, because her course is there, there are many opportunities waiting for her there, so while we are both there and working, she is also there and working together with us to ease the responsibility that rests on your shoulders, and we can still be happy and continue our relationship. But… ..it will never happen because you just gave up on me, because you have just been discouraged by what we can do together to synchronize your responsibilities and our relationship between the two, you did not immediately underestimate my ability to keep up in the flow of your life.
Secondly… maybe about the distance we will face from each other, because here in Saudi we are the equivalent of those in a Long distance affair eh you think what if I was already in the Philippines and you are here. Then your trust in me appeared, you do not trust me enough to not try first what will happen when I go back home, if Lisa will change, if she forgets me when she goes back home, you know a lot I can worry that I will be with a lot of people and I will be able to comfort myself somehow not like I am here in Saudi where my world is almost always spinning. This is all I can say, we have not even started, it is still a few months away, before the day comes, you have given up on me, let me be hurt and half of me will be angry with you, half of me will be filled of too much anger for what have you done to me, for keep me hanging on something you haven't tried yet you hate me right away, even if I wait another year sau I can un, as long as I feel nanjan ka lang, nanjan ka just and I still love you, because I love you so much! But I said, it's gone, because you don't have it anymore…
Another thing I thought triggered you to think that we might not be able to stay away from each other for almost a year eh this is my blog, you are the one who wants to know this blog, you are the one who said you will expand your mind you in what you read here, ay! Yes, you expanded your understanding and by reading its contents, you got the idea to just let me go so that I would not have to suffer, that I would bring the hardship you are carrying now, thank you for the broad understanding, because because of your arguments that it will not have an impact on me, I was just hurt badly, he did not get better, but I was hurt and tortured so much.
I only have realizations of the thoughts of the times when you hid me again, but this time I know I am the reason for this, it is no longer your family that you said you were hiding, you may not even really love me, dear but not still enough for me to be your strength in every trial you face, to be your inspiration to rise up and fight every challenge of life that you think I need to fight and work for me so that we can be together, maybe love is not enough you feel to be able to do all that, so with the simple thing you refuse, you are the one who said when I was first disappointed by you, that I should not give up immediately, that no one will let go of anything… .what happened to the words un ?? ? What happened and you were the first to leave now? Are you the first to give up?
But with all that happened, I hope one day you can meet me again, I'm willing, I'll just listen to you I won't comment anymore, I know we're both done eh, I accept that, I just want to know why It all happened, why did you give up right away, I just want to know, and after that, you can continue your life without me, if you want a friend to talk to, you can reach for me, if I can, I will answer… just clear it up before I finally go back home, that what I'm longing for from you for the last time…