Perhaps, this is the hardest part.
When we meet people by instance, our hearts will immediately know if they belong to us. There is an instant connection that made each other souls' collide. By a simple touch, a glimpse, or maybe a one hello, the journey therefore starts. Indeed, Love is just powerful as it already is. High hopes are running inside our minds, wishing they will last forever with us— spending good times together. But no matter how smooth the roads will be, life is not a wander land. No matter how we want them to stay by our side, some things are not meant to be. And we cannot tell when it will came. No one can ever tell.
I was the typical shy gal in the block. A girl who prefer to face thick books for hours rather than partying outside. I might say I am an ambivert— for I can be an extrovert when the situation requires me to be so. But most of the time, I outcast myself from the crowd. For me, the peace it gives is eternal. Though it is my personal choice, I'd love the fact that people let me to be safe and sane inside my shell. This is where I am comfortable at, and I will never let others to invade it. Fortunately, life's favoring my side. I go to university peacefully and go home likewise. Everything is fine— until he came.
Arrogant. A boastful transferee who entered the section in the middle of last semester. Everyone was wondering how the beep he was able to enter the university considering that the school year is almost done? Connections. Who knows. Undoubtedly, this jerk is a basketball player. I often see him wearing their jersey as if we have no uniform requirement. Unfair, isn't it? I suddenly thought of joining the women's basketball club so that I could wear whatever I want. As if I have the audacity to train everyday and forget about my studies. No thanks. I would rather wear this off putting fitted blouse and skirt than not having straight A's in my report card.
Indeed, fate is such playful. He went the same block as mine. We have some units with the same professor, so I had to see him every other day. These girls around me do not have anything to do but shout and have a picture with him as if he is an artist. He doesn't even have an award! Their tiny voices are so sickening, swear. To avoid the mini show whenever his presence is in class, I put my earphones on. Besides, our classes are usually asynchronous since the Professor has duties in the faculty club. I just finish our activities, hand in them to our class monitor, and take a nap. At least, I would have a temporary escape from the world.
I was about to head into my next subject, but this transferee blocked my way. The way he looks at me gives a different feeling— gross. I excused my way and continue walking but then his hands were fast. He pulled me towards him and smirked. In my surprise, I punched him straight in the face. How dare a stranger like him hold me that way? For his information, I mastered taekwondo in grade school. I thought that punch would make him realize his misdoing— but he did not let me go. Instead, he uttered my name.
— and the story between us started.
Years have passed, and I am still here. Standing right beside our old classroom, reminiscing the moments where it all began. Thoughts started to invade my mind and leaves the question hanging— what if something did not happen?
What if we stayed stronger?
Being a varsity's girlfriend is easy— that is what I thought. Things got worse when he had to train every single day from morning to afternoon. We rarely see each other due to our hectic schedules. I had to pursue nursing, so I shifted a course and even find a different university. I would love to be with him, but I also had to prioritize my parents' command. We had no time for each other and just text each other for a while. He goes to north, I go to south. He wakes up early, I stay up too late. I never thought long distance relationship is harder than I think it is. Sometimes, we fight. We cannot understand our standpoints anymore. Seems like we are not only far by distance, but our hearts as well. We tried our best to fix it all the time. Honestly, I have adjusted a lot of times to prove my love for him. But fate did not allow our story to continue any more longer.
We decided to split up. That was already half a decade ago— but the agony still lives inside my heart. I never heard any news about him since we moved to Canada to chase med school. Life was okay then, but something is missing. My hopes of getting my dreams with him went down when our plans separated. And now, after 5 years, I got to see him again. My batchmates made a reunion party— luckily, I went back to Philippines months ago. They have sent an e-mail including the list of expected attendees. My heart skipped a beat when his name was listed after mine. I refused to go, but our president have said it has been years, and we must see each other to show off what have happened to our lives after college. He has a point. Even though nervous, I composed myself to be presentable when I see him again. And the day came.
The university is still the same. There's still my favorite sticky rice stall outside the gate. I've entered the university with a huge smile as I saw Sir Raul, the most kind guard I have encountered ever. I felt so happy when he still recognizes me. He even said that I am still the introvert young lady who took his hands every morning to have a bless.
A lot of my batchmates are already here. Some are with their spouses, with their children, showing off the fruit of their labors. After a very long time, I felt the college vibes bringing back the memories we had before. While waiting, I have decided to have a tour inside our building. I went to 4th floor where our block stayed for almost 3 years before.
Beat.
That jersey looks familiar. The cool smell I used to smell everyday.
He's here.
I walked away as my tears have started to flow. Too late, he saw me. He called my name and gave a sorrowful smile. His eyes never lie. I know, inside him, our memories are still there. How I wish I could tell him I can not move on as well. However, he looked so fine. A grown man who is now ready to give another shot for love. The world stops for a while. He walked towards me and blocked my way. His smirk is still the same. For the nth time, I fell in love with his precious face. Why does it feel so illegal? Why does his eyes are trying to prohibit me?
"Been a while." he uttered.
"But feels like everything's still the same." I've responded.
"How I wish." the last thing he said before a young girl run towards him.
"Daddy!"
The girl shouted and he carried her up. And there's his wife, our block mate before. I did not know how to react. I felt the sudden coldness in my heart. I just wanted to go home. I wanted to scream my heart out. Why is the fate so unfair?
Now, I know why his eyes were hopeful— but prohibiting. He is happily married for 3 years now. Their relationship is really well. An engineer and an architect. A matchmade in heaven, indeed.
"Stay in love, guys!" I gave a thumbs up and left.
For all one knows, some things are not meant to be. We are not meant for each other. The memories we had were already enough, and I will cherish those forever. Someday, my other half will come. And I will be able to trust, love, and believe in this feeling again.
Time heals all wounds.
My one that got away.
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To more write ups,
xx
