Living Alone is a Pain

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Avatar for mrsvader
2 years ago

I lost my mother and father in a traffic accident. To start life alone in your pain. The state taught and trained. I met my wife at the workplace we work. He seemed to have no relatives other than his old mother and aunt. The common point of both of us is loneliness, it tied our hearts before love. He came running after him in love. We decided to get married. With the salary of both of us, we bought a tiny house and furnished it with the most suitable furniture. Then we sat at the wedding table with a simple ceremony. After signing, my mother-in-law disappeared. While we are searching for him, one of the guests,

-He went.

-Where did it go?

- I said I have a cow, I have chickens, I can't linger around and left.

As if surprised. My wife did not focus on too much. She is angry at something, she said, we'll go next week and get your heart out. I was tearful. What did we do? While everyone was on their honeymoon, we were in the village in the second week of our marriage. I came to the village with such excitement that the enthusiasm of my heart was reflected in my voice.

-Sabri look at the bird on the tree, it's colorful. Very interesting. A look at the cows, they have babies too!

It was the first time I was seeing the village. Although I liked the nature, water, and weather, the people were a bit strange. Wherever I went, all eyes were on me. Although I liked this on the first day, on the other days I started to feel uncomfortable with these imperfection-seeking eyes around. My hand was walking around my foot and I was feeling a distress. My walk on the stony, cattle-dung roads made even the children laugh. At that time, I was not aware that I had taken the two-minute road in half an hour to fear of insects. It was certain that I would go crying and crying from this village where I came to goodbye. My mother-in-law was constantly criticizing me, hitting the ground with her tongue, so to speak. I don't remember being so hurt by any human being. Even though I am a tall, flamboyant, beautiful girl, my mother-in-law is always my wife,

-Oh baby. What will you do with it? He doesn't know how to sit down yet. He is afraid of flying flies and insects. It goes neither to the field nor to the wood. It doesn't even go to the fountain because butterflies fly and grasshoppers crow.

-My mom gets used to it. Is Ayten not used to aunt? Sinem also gets used to it. The girl has never seen what a village is. Be understanding a little. Our job, our vaccine, is in Istanbul, we will live there.

- Oh boy, you burned your head.

While Sabri and her mother were looking at me and whispering, I pretended not to be interested in them. At the end of a few days she was worried now. My mother-in-law one evening again,

-My son threw the black cabbage from the window screaming today. What is it, sir? There was a caterpillar on it. I gathered my dear cabbages from the places. I do not want to give my mind, son. He was sane.

- Mother!

-I've been hard at the wedding. I was going to replace my daughter, I was shocked when I saw the wedding dress she was wearing. Her arms and legs were open. There is no one to give advice. He doesn't enter the rooms because he has a spider. I say take the broom in your hand and the horse spider is down from the window, he says, I can't throw it. No, sir, he had a job, he could not throw it.

-Mother!

We spoke the word mother at the same time with my wife. I kept talking

-Mother. I am aware that you do not love me. Looking into my eyes, I do not understand that you are complaining about me to his son. Talk to me if you have a problem with me. I did not grow up in a village. I have a phobia of beetles. I have a phobia, not a job.

- Does the married woman have a phobia? Neither throw cabbage through those windows. You could not enter the barn because I could step on the cow's droppings. Who will milk your milk? I'm at the age of seventy, will I milk it while you're here? You became a bride, but not a woman, woman woman.

I was disappointed in this village, where I thought I would be greeted with words of love. Maybe I was looking for the mother warmth I lost years ago. Was there any way to find him? Now I could not stay for even a minute in this grieving village.

With that anger, I immediately went down to the door. My mother-in-law was shouting after me,

-Sabri, where is he going tonight. Is this crazy? It has a bear, a wolf, a snake.

The word snake pinned me where I was. My wife came running and carried me home, frozen like a statue, in her arms. My mother-in-law,

-Look, the bidet carries itself. What kind of girl did you marry Sabri? There is no decency in this.

Apparently, my mother-in-law did not easily agree to this marriage. He could not break his son. He looked like he was going to take them all out now. That's what happened.

We were finally able to return home. But my mother-in-law's tongue hurt me badly. I was saying I would never set foot in that village again.

He came to the birth of his first grandchild, even a few weeks away. He left his cow and chickens with the neighbor. When his other grandson was born, I saw him even more cheerful. He stayed with me for a month and helped me. He came to us several times a year. Seeing the joy of Sabri and the children when he came, I was also happy. But I couldn't get out of my heart what I went through on honeymoon. There was an invisible wall between us, a wall of bitter words.

I often heard the words “Let's go to the village from my wife, I miss them”. Each time,

- There are snakes in that village. I dont go!

There are a few blind snakes on the lower side. They are already descended from lizards. They are not toxic. Will you go to the vineyard or garden, Sinem. You sit at home anyway. My mother wants us very much.

-You go.

- My mother also wants you and your grandchildren. Please, break your stubbornness, it has been almost fifteen years since we went to the village.

No matter how long I say, my wife said, "How long my mother has a life, Sinem. Let's not refuse this request, please. I was willing to go to the village once again when he said, "Think and you". I always said, "God, please don't show me any snake. Keep me away from them. What will you be, my Lord? "I was praying. We hit the road. When we approached the village, the past came to life before my eyes. My eyes are filled.

We found my mother-in-law waiting for us in front of a red painted, two-storey wooden house. It looked like a statue, with a loincloth on his waist, black tires on his feet, and one hand leaning on a thick pad. When he saw us, he hugged each of us saying "My sons are welcome". Then he invited him home. He made pastries and stuffed for us. This angel-like woman could not be my mother-in-law.

On the other days, the same sincerity, compassion and tolerance continued. My mother-in-law was going through the cabbages and curls she had plucked from her garden and brought them home. He was washing the vegetables and preparing them for cooking. There was neither a spider nor a fly in the house. She had mosquito nets installed on the windows. I felt he cared for me. We decided to stay in the village where we came for two days for another week. The children were happy with their condition. Sabri left us in the village and returned because of his work.

My mother-in-law usually cooked meals on the stove. It was the task of the children to carry twigs to the stove in one corner of the room. The wood and shrubs carried from the woodshed were stacked in the empty space next to the hearth. One day, when I saw the thick and long folded twig in the hall, I called out to the children,

- Kids carry the wood carefully, you dropped a long branch in the hall.

-We haven't carried wood today, mom. My grandmother dropped it.

-I will wash the dishes. Put him back quickly!

There was no sound. I quit my job and headed for the hall. There was no branch. The children were playing with their phones. It made me happy that they immediately did what I wanted. Though, I am not surprised how they did it in a flash. The other day, I saw the same smooth branch in different places. A long, curved, mustard-colored, wrist-thick branch. The tip of the branch is just like a snake head. My mother-in-law who cooks on the stovetop,

- You dropped a branch in the mother hole again. Curled left and right. Are the branches and bushes curved like this?

-I cut the agu branches extending to the field, baby. These are crooked like that.

His head looks the same as a snake head. Gee. Look at the shape on the branch.

- What does the Almighty Mawlam not create? It also means that it resembles a snake with twigs. Oh, stay away from our house. Where did you think of my daughter? Oh hush!

We laughed. My mother-in-law:

-Can you get me the salt, girl?

I headed to the kitchen, the salt shaker was missing when I returned. Could my mother-in-law have gotten up and picked it up? I did not dwell on it in case it could happen.

Our days were going well. The ice between my mother-in-law and us was beginning to melt. I decided to clean up that day. I turned on the vacuum cleaner and started to vacuum room by room. I would replace the bushes and firewood next to the firebox and dust beneath them, when I saw something glow around the wood. Shiny flaky thing. It was wrapped in wood like sackcloth. A piece of cloth that shines among the brown, black wood. When I touched him with the tongs in the stove, I realized that it was a leather.

-Mother!

What happened my daughter

-There is something I don't understand here. Did you wrap this in the wood? It neither looks like a rope, nor a sack. If I say it's like a sack.

My mother-in-law turned pale as soon as she entered the room. I was busy separating what was unknown to me from wood with tongs. On the one hand, I was said.

-What kind of game did these children play? How did they carry these woods by tying this cloth?

-Do you know what she is?

-What mom?

-Snake skin. Snake skin removed.

-What, what, where did she leave it?

-Here

The snake skin in my hand was frozen again. My mother-in-law took what I had and made me sit on the mat. Himself to the neighbor next door in a low voice from the window,

-Come take the Mehmetttt rifle.

I was about to scream. My mouth was open but for some reason my voice was not spoken. My mother-in-law quickly entered the room,

-Don't yell my bride, people don't gather here. The animal scares, let's find it first, shut up! Then you shout.

I lost myself, when I opened my eyes the whole peasant was in our house. My voice must have been heard from the opposite village. Snakes were constantly being sought from the rooftops. Wherever the snake ran away, there was no commotion in that voice.

- That crooked stick was a snake. His head was the same snake head. How could I not understand!

It was the only sentence I said. "It was snake. "It was snake." The villagers, who came looking for snakes for a few days, started to think that they left the house when they could not find the snake. When I phone my wife and say what will happen,

- In this month, snakes shed their skin, it means they entered the house. It is gone, do not enlarge it. You are shivering from everything, my dear. You smell the snake that is not at home. I buy your tickets, you get on in the evening.

-Sabri has not entered anyone's house in this village until today. I researched.

-What's there to investigate. That's the village. I wouldn't be surprised if a bear appeared!

-Sabri says your mother will not come, she has a garden, she has cows and chickens. He says I can't come.

-My mother is not afraid of the snake. That Anatolian woman, you come.

-I don't come without finding the snake, how can I leave my mother alone with the snake.

I hung up the phone in anger. My mother-in-law also heard my last words. He smiled. We extended our holiday for another week. First, we shredded the room we were going to sleep in. When we were completely sure from there, we went to other rooms. Afraid of insects, I and my mother-in-law were looking for snakes day and night. When I was coming to the village, I was praying that God would not show me the snakes. I was praying that now, God, let's find that snake. It was a miracle that the snake did not harm us, who lived with the snake for days. We did not notice such a hole when he found a hole in the wooden house and came out. There were fly screens on the windows, and it was impossible to get out of them. In the evenings, peasant women gathered at our house. They didn't want to leave us alone. We were united against the snake. First we were looking for the snake and then we started the tea session. Hatice, who came with knitting threads one evening,

-Sinem sister. Can you teach me to knit?

-Of course. What will you knit?

-Baby vest

We started knitting together. The neighbor came with a tray of cake in his hand, put it in your display behind the door. Aunt Fatma handed the corn from her bag to her mother-in-law,

-You pass me, Ayşe, pop it and bring it to the table with tea. Young people knit and let babies wear knitting.

There was such a cordial relationship between them that I had only seen it last week. I asked Hatice,

-Do you know how to read, Hatice.

-I know. We read it up to five. My mother and father did not go to school afterwards.

Would you like to read?

-In spades! They were offended to us.

It saddened me that he made these sentences by bowing down. Aunt Fatma glared at Hatice,

- Don't exploit emotion, Hatice. You are as guilty as your mother and father. The state offers every opportunity now. It is easy to say that my mother and father did not read me, right. You are not ashamed either. Are you driving threshing or removing the root? You have no power. Read!

Wherever he would take the slipper and beat Hatice. I didn't understand anything.

- How should I read?

-Don't find meaning for your mother and father, you don't want to study. If you wanted to, you would cross the mountains for science. Those who read are reading.

Maybe Aunt Fatma was right. We were not creating remedies to make excuses, we were hiding behind excuses.

Village women, who came to us regularly every evening, went to the kitchen like their own houses, poured tea and served. There were pleasant conversations. Sometimes sweet fights. The interesting thing is that nobody was offended by anyone. Aunt Fatma's finding solutions to everything sometimes made us laugh.

I made sure the snake was no longer at home. It was time to return to Istanbul. My husband often called me, saying bride.

We got ready and went down to the door. My mother-in-law went down the stairs slowly and pulled something out of her belt. Come to me

-This was my mother. I was the only daughter, she wore it to me at my wedding. If I had a daughter, I would say I would put it on her. You became my daughter. Extend your hand.

He put a beautiful bracelet on my arm between the eyes. He continued his promise,

-I was going to wear it to the wedding, I forgot it to cow trouble ...

She couldn't say I broke her wedding dress. He also made us laugh when he said to the cow trouble. We could not find and kill the big snake living with us, which appeared and disappeared, but we managed to kill the invisible snakes in our hearts. Instead, love was blooming. Who knows what roses and tulips would bloom in this blooming love ..

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2 years ago

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