Depending from your viewpoint, a relationship that fails is not always a disappointment. See that as a learning experience to help you become a stronger companion in the next relationship. This is all in your viewpoint.
How do you benefit about a relationship that's gone wrong?
If you want to be treated: either your ex treated you poorly, telling you if you don't want to be treated, or that was the only positive thing about your relationship: how he treated you with dignity (maybe there was another excuse to break your relationship).
How to treat your partner better: you've probably learned how to treat your partner with dignity. If you have not been able to do it occasionally in previous relationships, I 'm betting that the two of you have had a talk about it. So now you know that, for example, it's respectful to email your boyfriend to let him know that you're going to be late, and thoughtful to do something special to him once in a while, like getting dinner without being asked.
Qualities that you really desire in a partner: if you were to look back at your last few partnerships, what will be the qualities that you want in potential partners? Maybe your ex has always been a chivalrous guy, opening doors for you. He may have been supportive of your work. This are completely the characteristics that you should look for in potential mates.
How to properly communicate: lack of coordination is the key explanation why marriages collapse, as we will soon see. I know that you will look back at previous relationships to see if you could connect differently than you did. Using the experience to make it easier next time.
How not to settle: the good news is that you ended a relationship that was wrong for you. You weren't going to settle for a good enough friendship. You had the illusion that there was a better wife out there for you, and you kept looking. Know that feeling: when you calm down, you're embracing things that aren't all right for you. You compromise rather than you're meant to.
Why Relationships Fail
Although I would like you to get away from the idea of "relationship collapse" and treat it more like the conclusion of a relationship that wasn't good for you in the long term, it can be useful to consider a few main explanations why marriages fail so that you can try your best to prevent these traps in the future.
1. Failure to coordinate
As I said earlier, lack of coordination is a crucial factor for a relationship to collapse. So what does the loss of coordination look like? Different things. It could be a lack of desire on one (or both) of the sides to admit fault in a situation or to take positive suggestions. It could manifest itself as a continuous debate where nothing is settled. It might happen when you hide something apart from each other, or you're scared to tackle minor annoyances that become bigger problems.
How to Fix: You can't be afraid to get in touch with the guy you love. It's more of a stable friendship. And yeah, sometimes conversation is going to get awkward, but know that if you can get it out, it will be easier in the long term and you're open to each other.
Study the language of love; conversation is not just verbal. You can express love by acts of support, contact, time together, etc. And pay attention to body language; it can convey annoyance by not kissing you as much as it usually does. This is your answer to wondering what's going on.
2. Failure of trust
If either or both of you don't trust the other, a seed is planted that will be impossible to extract.
Failure to trust is muddy water and it may be the product of previous relationship abuse or something that has arisen in the new relationship. Irrespective of the source, you need to decide if the two of you are able to work through it or whether it will continue to plague your relationship.
How to Fix: Begin by identifying: who has confidence problems, and where do they come from? Did anyone really do something to justify withholding confidence, or does it come from previous experience?
3. Waiting for Excellence
We also have an idea in our mind about what kind of friendship we want to look like. You would like a man who makes you feel comfortable and loved, who rubs your legs and pays the bills. Maybe he needs a wife who's going to cook for him and have his slippers and pipes ready when he comes home from work.
The truth is, a friendship really never completely measures up to our standards. We idealize what we desire, and then, when we don't get it, we feel let down. Another explanation why ties have failed.
How to Fix: There's no right friendship. Learn to love someone for their faults (though don't settle for deal breakers). Only recall Charlotte from Sex in City when she saw Harry for the first time. He was bald and short, his back was hairy, and his mouth was full. He didn't fit what she felt she wanted (though Trey, who fit the picture perfectly, didn't work out). As soon as she let go of her hopes, she knew that Harry was right for her.
4. Not compatible with what you desire
Maybe you didn't have The Discussion when you first started dating. You remember the one: where you ask, "What are you looking for?" "And he's searching awkwardly about trying to find the solution. This will have been the time to convince him you're trying to settle down. Ok, to get married. To have children or not.
Or maybe you had The Talk, and both of you said you wanted different things, so you decided to ignore it. Maybe he said he wasn't looking for a relationship, but in your brain, you thought, "He's going to change his mind after dating me a couple of months. You have now entered an impasse.
Neither of you will persuade the other to change what you want, but now the relationship seems doomed.
How to Fix: Hold a chat early about what you're all looking for in a relationship. If he's searching for something light because he's going to leave the country in six months, this isn't the man to fall in love with. Believe him as he tells you what he's looking for, and he doesn't want to change his mind!
5. Incompatibility
You wanted to think that you might have a long and caring relationship with a Satanic tattooed biker, but it didn't work.
The value of compatibility in a relationship can not be underestimated. Did you know that there are currently four forms of compatibility?
Physical: you need to have chemistry and attraction to each other.
Emotional: When you're together, there has to be a "click." You deserve to feel comfortable and happy.
Intellectual: Does the brain light up? Are the discussions still engaging?
Spiritual: You're expected to have the same big picture of what you want from your life and how you want to make a difference.
6. Arguing the entire time
Some couples are battling. Others don't do that. You could never have fought with any ex as much as your last one. There was just something about the mix of the two of you that was a source of irritation. If you disagree rather than just get along, it's a hint that he's not right for you. The guy pulled out the worst of you for some reason, and you didn't like yourself as the shrieking, nagging woman he made you sound like.
Many of the claims are a direct product of inadequate contact. When you can't be honest about problems when they're little, they're and bigger and bigger, and they're turning into a full-blown conflict that undermines your partnership.
