"If you're not comfortable, you're allowed to leave."
If a person leaves you unhappy for an extended period of time, it can be easy to rationalize it to yourself as a "bad patch." And while any relationship has its ups and downs, if you deliberately stop spending time with them, it's easier to just call it quits.
"Stop listening to your heart and listen to your brain instead."
If you truly love somebody, but you know things don't fit, it's normal to continue to keep things together just to stop the soul-crushing despair of breaking up. But, as one Reddit user put it, "Maybe it's easier to just suffer a heart break rather than hurt each other by dragging it out."
"If you can, do that face to face."
When you decide to work up the nerve to have a dreaded breakup chat, "Don't be a coward and do it by email... Nothing says, 'We're done and I never want to hear your voice again' like texting," one Reddit user warns. Know, no matter how painful a discussion can be, the other party needs to be clarified and closed, and they are less likely to hate your guts in the long run if you owe them some grace.
"Separate the individual from the partnership," he said.
"My ex and I ended things a little over a month ago for a lot of good reasons, and I know it was probably for the best, but it doesn't take away the emotions of losing being in the relationship," one Reddit user posted. "It's absolutely incredible to have that amount of companionship and familiarity with another human being, and it's hard not to neglect it."
It's not a lot of fun, but sometimes it helps to tell yourself that you enjoy being in a relationship more than the guy you've been dating. Otherwise, you could end up getting back together and trapped in a vicious circle of emotional instability. There are some other fish in the water!
"You can't make it harder for someone to love you."
Some people grow emotions quicker than others, and sometimes it's worth being careful and giving the other person time to catch up with you. Still, at some point, you've got to face reality, and you would be shocked to see how relieved you feel about letting go instead of getting mired in an unexpected romance that keeps you feeling uncared for and unloved.
"It's very easy to whisk someone in your own little vortex of action."
"It's very easy to catch somebody up in your own little whirlwind of action and sharing and curiosity, and not to realize that you're the driving force and they're just on the track," says Reddit user Prisoner-of-Paradise about what she's taken from the past flings. "Anyone who is worth your time can show as much enthusiasm and make plans and call and be psyched to do things with you as you do with them."
"It's just good conversation.
One of the foundations of a strong relationship, Reddit User notes, is "good communication." And, seeing that each person is different, they also noted that "you have to change the way you talk to different people—[you] can't just believe that [what] worked in your last relationship is going to work in this one."
"You should only sacrifice a lot."
People believe that love will overpower anything, but there are simply certain things that love cannot — and should not — overcome, as Reddit user Nycifix points out. "If I don't want them, I don't want them," they said, "and I shouldn't be accused of tripping or bargaining to get them."
"Don't get into a relationship because you feel like you're supposed to."
There's nothing wrong with being single. In reality, as one Reddit user notes, being single is better than getting into a relationship just to escape being lonely, like being with someone when you don't really like them, will make a relationship very uncomfortable.
"Trust your gut."
You were concerned that you and your wife weren't supposed to be? Do you think that your significant other is cheating on you? Trust your gut, says the DG155 user of Reddit. "If you don't think it's going to succeed, put an end to it as soon as possible," he says. "Otherwise it's only going to lead to more suffering."
