The first lesson I learned about dating while Black is to never underestimate my partner’s ability to be racist. I had never met my partner’s mom before. I had no relationship with this woman who determined me too risky to be a roommate. Regardless, my partner allowed their mom to judge me and my entire race, and they sided with her anti-Black conclusion. When my partner proceeded to defend their mom despite her crude racism, it really hurt me.
Here was someone I was supposed to rely on, a person who was supposed to love and care about me, openly letting their mom call me diseased. I had grown way too comfortable in the fantasy that my partner’s white silence wasn’t violence. I had made too many excuses for their racial failings. I made myself OK with the fact that they weren’t the most vocal when it came to race issues. I continually excused their problematic behavior and jokes they made when it came to their whiteness, comments like, “I can do because I’m white.” I gave them slack when it came to less kosher comments on race or when they lacked the curiosity to ask about my black experience.
Looking back, I was selling myself way too short. As a Black woman in America, I know that racism isn’t always obvious or undisguised. I’ve been hurt by all sorts of macroaggressions: weird questions from “friends” about my hair and other “Black” topics, backhanded compliments, and other acts of violence. For whatever reason — poor self-esteem, being conditioned to expect and accept less — I expected so little from my white partner. In the future, if I date white people again, the bar will be much higher.
Just ignore them,.. as long as you know who you are,. love yourself and dont be affected for what negative they are talking/saying about you..😊😇