Dis-identifying with your jealous thoughts in a relationship
I just entered a new relationship, about a month and a half ago. I have been single for the longest time, and had convinced myself I would be single forever. Any negative beliefs and thoughts about relationships, had barley come through my mind, and I didn't indulge in it, because there were no external circumstances to trigger these things.
That was up until my boyfriend came into the picture. As soon as we started our relationship, all these negative thoughts, beliefs and traumas finally came to the surface. He's just as paranoid, just an FYI. Anyway, so I would constantly ask him for reassurance, and judge myself for feeling this way/being this way. I would resist these thoughts, thus the feelings, by constantly trying to find things to relieve myself of these thoughts. It was until I remembered the happiest days of my life: when I was an observer of my mind, and in control of it; rather than letting it control me. But if you were to ask how I am now? I react to my mind, identify with all these thoughts.
My relationship has triggered this growth and has reminded me I need to get back to just simply observing my mind again, and dis-identifying from these thoughts, and being in control again. So far I have allowed myself to mourn my old thought processes, and traumas, in order to replace it with more beneficial and positive thought patterns. I would allow thoughts like fears of cheating, abandonment, past hurts to come up, without judging or attempting to find a way to "feel better" or find external validation this thought isn't true. It's not true, if you don't indulge or add a positive charge to it. (I know the truth about the law of assumption, and law of attraction). As a result of all this, I am currently experiencing a mental/emotional detox/release from all the pain. I am finally letting go, and while it's painful--it's better to let it out, otherwise it would stay within me. Our relationship has been much better, and not only that--I am finally finding peace within myself!
Changing My SP's Personality Success Stories
I've been testing out Neville Goddard's concepts on my SP [specific person], and apparently there is no limit to what you can truly manifest, including changing someone's personality.
Method:
-revising any unwanted/undesirable memories, and changing it to how you would've wanted it to be. This works because our memories create beliefs, and beliefs create/attract our reality.
-affirming that he is the kind of person I want him to be.
-ASKformations.
**Success stories:**
What I wanted to change:
his anxiety, depression, and feeling incompetent as a person/boyfriend
What happened:
Every time I got worried he got worried he was depressed, and remembered all the times he was talking about his anxieties and insecurities--I would change the memory to me feeling happy, and secure. I would imagine the message turning from "I'm such a failure, to I feel so happy and secure.!" Now, I realize many people won't say that, but it definitely helps when I revise.
He actually started becoming more happy, and secure. He would even tell me he feels great, and yet, he doesn't know how or why. It was so wonderful to see this happening in real life!
Desired change:
-drinking issue
What happened:
He actually eventually stopped drinking altogether!
More to come!
The Stranger Who Made Me Forget You
The universe has a twisted sense of humour. My posts about you aren't about how awful you've treated me, or how much I missed you; they were about mourning what we never had. And now? We may never be something.
I was all alone, and at this point had pushed everyone away in my life. I was searching for friends who would also understand the mindset of the desire for isolation. (weird paradox, I know). I had someone message me on a website for loners, and we instantly hit it off. We moved from that platform , to another, and the more we spoke--the more I thought about what it would be like to be with this guy. Even though there was a possibility he could've been a psychopath--the connection grew everyday as we spoke. We shared similar insecurities, mindsets, fears and hopes about life. He was so vulnerable about these topics, and innocent yet so careful about what to share. He backed away at each minute I tried to get closer. The entire time we spoke, all I could think about was how much I wished to hold him, assure him he's in fact worthy of love and everything else he's ever dreamt of--but protect him from all that could hurt this amazing man. My trust towards him, and my feelings were amplified; I wanted to share my world and life with him.
I'll skip over the mundane details, but almost everyday I fantasied about what it would be like to share with you my most intimate thoughts about you. Then one day, my back was killing me. I usually don't care about trying to relieve my back pain--I just go with it. This night, however, was too much to handle; so I downed a few. As expected the new guy we'll call: "FG", sent me a message that night. Keeping my composure was easy, but as the night went on, the pills removed my filter. Eventually, I said way too many things I normally would have not said if it weren't for the pain killers. I confessed how I felt. He said he liked me too, and it was just incredibly moving. After all this, I can say I'm shocked at how much I have forgotten you. I still miss you though.
Choosing a life of isolation
During my last year of university, I developed a sense of strong avoidance due to lots of pressures from family, friends, and society overall. The pressure grew stronger as graduation was approaching and I found myself overworking, over-learning (is that even a word???), and over-planning to avoid feeling pressure. Hence, I was already in a state of slipping away from everyone and even escaping my own mind.
Last year I developed this addiction to solitude. Even going to extreme lengths to avoid people, and the pressures that have come with it; despite my success with finances, social status, and whatever else. People had too many and/or high expectations of what I am/who I am. I have extreme people pleasing tendencies, so if I disappoint someone; it hurts me real bad. It wasn't until last year that I learned of the term "hikikimori" from a Japanese peer. He told me I reminded him of a Hikikimori. When I asked what it was, he explained and while he continued to add comments about how sad it was, but I felt differently about this term. It felt like home, and familiar to me. This was something I wanted to pursue.
I tried to keep it on the down-low but the solitude became addictive. The rule I made for myself was I would keep balance, and see people when I needed to, but I wouldn't tell people. I wasn't sad like other people who were shut in, not by choice but simply because they said people didn't want to be around them. Incidentally my problem was the opposite. But it was almost like the more I made excuses when people invited me out, they continued to pester me to come out and meet them.
Eventually I told them the truth. I made myself a nice cup of tea to calm my nerves, and texted all my friends explaining the truth of my absence. Later on, I just realized how much I truly couldn't take it anymore, and I cut ties with all my friends. I even left my boyfriend. He didn't understand and put up a huge fight, and while I wanted to stay--I just couldn't hurt him anymore, so I just apologized, left and blocked him.
After the breakup, I went home and ended up balling my eyes out mainly because of guilt, and I finally felt free.
But here's the thing... am I just making excuses to run away from the real world? Am I this irresponsible, ashamed and avoidant of who I am? Sounds like it to me. I've been this way for about a few months now, and sometimes I feel like my life is just slipping by... at least that's what I thought with prior to the lockdown. With the second lockdown however, it seems the tables have turrned. It's now acceptable to be this way, and makes me a class citizen... it's an interesting world we live in. I don't know if I'll ever get out of this. But I'll try to keep an open mind..
Recurring Creepy Dreams About A Stranger I Met One Year Ago
I have these dreams of this stranger in a dystopian location, buildings and everything else are broken, and everything is all black and grey. The only thing that wasn't broken was our love, and his light--shining so bright. It'd been so long since we last met, and finally we did. But faced with many obstacles, thus the dystopian location. My interaction with this man was becoming much more romantic and we explained our yearning for each other despite not knowing each other, despite a feeling of familiarity.
As I am braced in his arms, these mysterious men in black kept trying to separate us, explaining how dangerous it was being together. He continued to ask why we couldn't be together, and they grew more frustrated with his questions. "We must meet again..." I began to cry as I knew I would be taken away. We're about to make plans, then these men in black yanked me from his arms, and this stranger (who I oddly enough yearn for), chased the men and tried to get me back. I watched through tears as he was farther and farther away from me.
Would our lives be better if we had no emotions?
My intentions are NOT to sound negative. I am trying to look at our emotions and feelings from an objective point of view.
As I write this, I sit here in disappointment as something I planned; did not go as planned. This event was supposed to make my life easier, and give me more luxury. But it didn't happen.
As I wallowed in my sadness, I remembered a scene from a movie I watched the other day. Unfortunately I don't recall the name of the movie.. it was a sci-fi film based on emotion being a "disease." A feeling of uneasiness came over me, but I thought about all the things that motivated me and most of it were a feeling. I once had a career in marketing, and now that I think about it--unless the product or service was needed (i.e our basic needs); then what would sell?
The problem with me is when I feel, I REALLY feel. Even though this shouldn't be such a big deal, this feeling of disappointment has snowballed and now it feels as if I'm going to experience both an identity AND existential crisis. There are traumatic events that still carry weight in my life, and now all I can conclude is emotion is what triggered it. Here are some examples:
-family member bullied me. Why? because I took the spotlight from her. The emotion: jealousy. What would happen if she acknowledged my birth, then didn't care about having this "spotlight"?
-My current weight gain. The emotion: feeling empty and depressed. What if I didn't feel bad for things not going my way, or empty? Would I just eat, just because I need to nourish my body as a human being; and not because I need to fill a void?
I could go on but I'll provide a few other outsider examples I've seen myself:
-There are some people I know who are in toxic relationships, yet don't want the other person to leave simply because they don't want to feel "alone"?
-Feelings of anger controlling other people's actions during a heated argument, can often end in unwanted consequences.
Then I think about the jobs that would be lost if emotions no longer existed.: marketing, most of the police force, entertainment etc..
So how exactly do our emotions serve us? Apparently they're like a value system. I forget where I've read this now, but somewhere in college the instructor mentioned each emotion has a purpose. I've concluded it's best to know what triggers your emotions, why we have them, and don't let them control you--you control them.
It took one night for me to realize I wanted you forever
Hello stranger,
It took one night. Just one for me to realize I want you forever. Sure, the situation was a crappy one to say the least. You were working and I was forced to be there. I was caught off guard by how powerful your presence was. Thus putting on my armour. You were so kind and gentle to me, I wish I returned the same warmth you’ve provided for me. Every logical explanation fails to explain why I could be possibly feeling this way towards a stranger. All I know is you had a profound effect on me, and I will cherish that forever.
I’ve dated tons of men, but you have stayed in my heart despite the cold empty year that’s passed by as we never got a chance to cross paths again. I know you felt the same. I saw the surprise in your eyes, and how you puffed out your chest.
I wish you knew I was only acting out of fear and shame. I was such a mess, and you saw all of it. But even then, the warmth in your eyes grew as I admitted I was part of this huge mess. I felt something I never truly felt and accepted for once in my life which was: unconditional love. I know, I know; I could just be a delusional fool. For some reason though, I get the feeling you’re feeling the same.
I’m intimidated by all the power you were emulating and specifically the power you had over me. I wish I stared into your eyes longer, or had the courage to say something when you tried to prompt me. You acted all big and tough when you saw I put on a cold exterior, But once your guard was down—your real self care out: the soft, kind and pure soul that you are within this world of dark souls.
I know how much you had to offer. But I just don’t feel good enough for you. I know how much you already know about me, and yet you still come back.
@micahlord