My unfinished course

After I finished secondary, I never thought that I will be able to continue my studies since my older brother is currently taking up engineering that time in a private school with a little bit expensive tuition fee plus the fact that my father is about to retire since he is already 59 when I finished high school and I do not want to worry my parents anymore . I already accepted it and did not bother to take entrance exam in PUP which offer an excelent quality education but with low tuition fee. Although I already accepted the fact that I will not be able to continue my studies, deep in my heart I feel the sadness. Although I show to my friends that I am ok with my decision they encourage me to take an entrance exam to another state university , since the cut off for the application for PUP is already closed (if im not mistaken by midyear or last quarter of the year they already closed for application). At first I was hesitant because that state university is not offering the course that I wanted which is commerce. But 1 of my friend encourage me to take the exam first and decide later. So I agreed and took the exam and passed it. As the enrollment coming near, my older sister talked to me and told me that it's better for me to enroll (since the tuition fee that time is only 350 pesos) so I can be consider with category of college level so if I decided to work first, it is not so hard to find a job since mostly of the the company preferred an applicant that are college level. So I decided to enroll.

When school year started I'm glad that one of my high school friend who encourage me to take the entrance exam became one of my classmate. Since we are in block section it was easy for me to have new sets of friend since I already have 1 that I already knew. And we have formed a peer group consist of 10 members that made my life easier, since we are helping each other in terms of school project and assignments. Although my life in the school is a little bit easy, I still have struggles, such as commuting since our home is far from the school, plus the fact that it cost a lot for the transportation expense and during that time there have limited public vehicles. Despite of those struggles I was able to survived the first sem. Before the school year end we need to decide what will be our final course and we need to take the qualifying exam for our chosen course. I chose to take the qualifying exam for childhood education because I assumed that toddlers teacher earn much 🙂, but unfortunately I failed that exam maybe because I have an hidden agenda😂. The other exam that I take is Math which I passed. Since Math is my fave subject during elementary and high school days.

On my 2nd year I was separated to my friends since I took up BS Math and most of them are elementary education. Although I met new set of friends, I have struggles in coping up with my new class, plus the commuting became harder. Before prelim or midterm I withdraw my first subject since I was not able to reach the class on time. While in some of my subject I felt the insecurities because I felt that I am the foolish in the class, or maybe my classmates were too smart, where I am still in the phase of annalizing the problems, my classmates are in the phase of solving it already. Although I was able to passed exams for other subjects, my insecurities became bigger to the point that I lost interest to those subject that I am having a hard time which resulted for dropping it. Before I thought that the Math subjects are easy. Since I already dropped 2 of the major subjects I will not be able to take the Calculus on the following sem. That's the time that I think hard to decide whether to continue my studies on that university or to stop and look for a job after the sembreak. And I decided to stop.

In life there are things that we tried, in order for us to know if that things fit us. Some things are meant to be but some are not. Sometimes we forced ourself to be contented and happy in where we are, but how can we be happy if we only forced ourself? Maybe it's one of the reason why I gaved up easily on that course, coz from the beggining it's not my passion. There's nothing wrong in giving up , atleast we tried first. And if we gave up of something have the courage to try again something new, maybe that time it will fit.