Do you ever feel exhausted even though you're not doing anything physically tiring? Do you feel burn-out? Did you just wanna lock yourself up in a room and disturbed by no one?

Like what Julia Barreto said when she was allegedly link to Gerald Anderson few years back, "These past few weeks is exhausting".

When i hit the age 30 years old last couple of months, i often questions myself if I am happy. And it is quite disturbing because if you keep asking yourself if you're really happy, does it mean that you're not really happy? Because if you are, then no need to ask yourself.

I wonder why do i feel this way. Is this some kind of 'normal' phase in an adulting stage? For some reasons, my job and my daily routine exhaust me., which i'd never feel for the last couple of years past. Yes, my job exhaust me sometimes, but after i rested or took a sleep, i'm good to go again. By the way, my job is not is tiring at all. I'm a regular office staff who only gets busy when month-end is coming. I've also notice that i'm always irritated and got easily annoyed over some few things..like hey, self! Why are you like this? My friends told me that it is just a sign of aging.. ey no way 😅

Cause

Day after day, it become stressful. There are thing that makes me happy whenever i feel blue, but these days, it doesn't do the magic anymore. I started to track and solve my own feelings, i wanted to know what are the cause of these. Why do i feel like i'm too exhausted with life.

I observed myself and began anylizing what is it that stressed me. And here are some that i think contributed a lot to my stress.

• Money - who wouldn't be? I have a stable job but my salary is just enough for my needs. We have house to pay, bills and basic needs to pay for, my monthly salary is not enough to cover it all. I think, if you live in a third world country like Philippines, mostly money is the leading source of stress. It is the main source of stress but once you have it, they can wipe all away your stress. 😅

• Pandemic - at first i thought that being stressed because of pandemic is just an 'over reaction'. It's been more than a year and pandemic is not yet over and i didn't know if our country is winning or not. These GCQ's, ECQs and lockdown are causing me some stressed that i wanna go back to normal days but i can't! The anxiety that it brings that what if it get worse. What if i would be infected? What if one of my famiky got the virus? What if my company would go bankcrupt? (Well, i think that's far from happening) but you know.. paranoid. That's when it adds up.

• Responsibility - i am not a first born child, but i had this responsibility to sustain my family bacause i am the one who finished a college degree. They look up on me and they hope that in a way, i can help them. Ofcourse, that's my main goal but it always go back to my first stress contributor, money. That feeling when you want to give but you don't have enough to give.. stressful.

• Expectation - when everyone arrounds you expects you to become something that you are not, when they set their own expectation for you that you have to be like this and like that, it's tiring.

• Relationship - if you have a support system, all of these things could be easy to pass through. But what if the person you depends on is also a source of stress? What if you want to let go but you can't because it's hard..You're dealing with him/her everyday and it becomes more toxic.

What to do?

You can't live your life happily if you're experiencing such kind of stress everyday. You have to do something that will help you overcome that phase. Even if it you think it doesn't help, still give it a try. That's what i'm doing. At first it doesn't help, but through the day, it helps. Little by little, but atleast there's an improvement.

Listen to music. Sounds clichè but it really helps. I had a 10+more playlist on my spotify and i picked what to listen depends on my mood. I sing my heart out just to let out my stress.

Watched Movies & Videos. If you have a Netflix, Viu or any streaming sites, spend some time binge watching. It will make your brain busy and forget your problems for a while.

Connect with friends. Sometimes, all you need is someone who could listen to all your rants. Without judging you, just listening to what you have to say. Having a friend who always there for you just to listen is a rare one. You don't need more friends, just one is enough. Just one person who can let you have your rants out.

I have lots to share but i think you already know it. You know but you're just afraid or not interested to do it at all. Because you think, it will not help you.

If all of these does not really work, then it might be serious that you might need to see someone professional who can really help you with.

What i experienced is i think under my control. These days, whenever i feel so down, i always call my family. My mother and my sibs. Talking with them make me realize that this life is really worth living. I had a goal for my family and i want to fulfill that. I don't want them to worry about me, because that would make them sad.

Life is really hard. It is unfair, yes. But this is life. Without such challenges, what is life? When you feel like you can't go on anymore, pause, then rest. Then go on again. Just don't quit.

Fighting 👊

Thank you for reading 😊

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