Have you ever thought of how does it feel to leave your friends or lovedones? to go on a trip or work abroad?
I received a news that broke my heart yesterday.
Again, (and again, 'cause it's not the first time) one of the closest friend will leave for work in another place far from here. I could not stop my tears from falling. This crazy pandemic has separated me to a lot of people and limited my bonding and time with them.
I am a very emotional person because I treasure people so much. I get my emotional support from them. A lot of times, my emotional stability rely on the people around me.
Two years ago has been my rock bottom down fall in my emotional state. Before that, two of my friends who I have grown up with lost touch with us. Because of a very painful reason, we parted ways. I am still hoping up to this day that we may go out again, catch up and reconcile things.
Then two years ago, I broke up with my boyfriend then who I first thought would be my husband. I am very particular to the attention and time spent together where he failed me. I know I may not be his priority but atleast he'll take time and effort to make me feel loved and valued. I actually waited if he will pursue me and make up after all but maybe that's just it. We are not really meant for each other.
Then, one couple who has been our mentor and friends who we hang out with even until late at night transferred to another place.
Moreover, one of my closest friend's flight was announced also just after a few months. We had been together for years already. We go to the same church. We go out together. Celebrate occasions together. Whenever I feel down or I just wanted to vent out, we talked a lot as I drive her home or during breaks at choir practices. She know a lot about me. I am an introvert person but not when I'm with those people closest to me whom I have already put my full trust. As they always say, I do not easily open up my life or my mind. It took them actually a lot of time to make me comfortable speaking to them and telling them what has been bothering me. So our closeness really is priceless for me. So from the moment I knew she was soon leaving, my tears won't stop falling even if there's still a lot of time (as they say because for me it's just a few) to spend before she actually leave. There was a time that I could not even sing properly in our choir practices because I am trying to stop my tears. When we eat snacks, I usually turn my back from them so as they would not see me crying. But seeing me like that makes them more curious and asks the more as to why I am not facing them, and as soon I turn around to face then my tears would as if in a race run down my cheeks.
Me and my friends has this yearly habit of going out on a beach or just a tour to eat. We are four horsemen. Oh, just kidding. There are four of us in my inner circle of friends. And as you can see in this picture, one is missing.
My bestfriend who is in this circle also plans to go abroad. It's just that she hasn't finished preparing the needed papers. But you know, she got a boyfriend. like yeah, she really got a real one lol. Because she hasn't have one since I could remember. This is her first. So I am really happy about it yet quite sad because her time with us is lessen. Although I am getting used to it. But it took me forever to adjust specially that she is my bestfriend. We are like sisters. Since Grade 2, we have been together. We are partners and accomplice in everything.
So I became closer to my third friend in the circle ( I am the fourth lol). She kidnapped me a lot of times. Not literally lol, but she sometimes messages for me to get dressed when she is on her way to pick me up and tells me she just escaped from office/work because she's been experiencing burn out or fought with her boss again. We sometimes go to someone's house to eat there and talk about life.
Last time that my family contacted COVID, she has become our delivery girl. Most of the time drop by our house late at night bringing medicines and food.
She was the one who messaged yesterday that she will be transferred to another place. It is so difficult to go there. The transportation is so limited which means we will not really see each other for a long time. My heart really breaks and I'm in tears by the shocking news.
One by one going away and leaving me --- alone and clueless on what to do during those times that I was used to be with them and spend with them. And honestly, I feel left out.
However, I still got my family around me so I will be able to pull myself up and smile.