Letters of the Heart ( 7 ) : Moving On

Dear Professor,

My name is Francis, I am writing to seek some kind of help. My girlfriend just left me a few weeks ago. Although it still hurts deeply, the nights are longer when you pour your tears down so you could sleep. It was not a bad break up at all, it was a mutual decision but it still hurts like hell. So anyway, here is what I am asking you about, how can I move on? Is there a best or fastest way to move on? Thank you very much for responding.

Respectfully yours,

 Response

Dear Francis,

 Oh Francis I would like to send you my regards and my sincerest gratitude for writing to me. My days for the past week has been comprised of trimming my moustache, tending to the garden and soaking my feet in the cold water of the sea. Nothing much of excitement anymore when you are in your twilight years. I am now thinking of getting myself a cat for companion, oh how lonely it is.

Anyway, let us go back to the subject of your letter. If my memory is serving me right, I believe you are asking an old man like me on a way to move on? That is quite fitting actually. For all the years I have been living on this Earth I have suffered a lot of losses and I had to move on over and over again. The hardest of them would be of course, the passing of the missus. I know that it is not the kind of moving on you are talking about but you’ll be surprised how closely they are related.

To illustrate moving on as a concrete concept, I will have to introduce you to some of my departed friends who at least once in their lifetimes experience a relationship ending so hard that they found it hard to move on. Let me start with my dear friend Emily.

Emily was a fashion designer. She was still an up and coming artist when she met the love of her life, Darwin. Darwin worked as a researcher in a university. Most of his works are tackling the human evolution and stuff like that. They were young and they fell in love with each other, hard. For years, they endured the downs and savored the ups of their relationship. But I guess, the day will come that will ultimately test your relationship. Theirs came at the birth of a baby girl. Darwin fathered a child with another gal. Although Darwin does not have to marry the other lady, Emily chose to call off everything between them. She took the misery very poorly. Darwin on the other hand persisted on asking Emily back. It couldn’t have been easy since they were living just a block apart.

Emily decided to move on, and the first thing she thought how to do it was to move. She was trying to cut any possible contact or encounter with Darwin. And with that decision, I have nothing but commendation because it was effective. Emily left for Paris and she eventually became a world renowned fashion designer. Celebrities and even Princesses wore the dresses and gowns she made. She eventually married and had three lovely kids of her own.

Cut the Cord

As you see, the thing that allowed Emily to finally move on was when she decided to cut all communication and contact with Darwin and she went to Paris. You could try to go to Paris too, but for now, just stop all your correspondence with her. You might be tempted from time to time but you shall will through the urge and resist with all your strength cause then, and only then will you start your healing process.

Do More of What You Love

I would like to get you acquainted next to another great friend of mine, William. William was a shy little boy when I met him back in England. Just like his surname suggests his knees will literally shake and his eyes filled with fear if a young attractive girl talks to him. That’s the reason that we were all surprise when he started dating this lady named Anne. Anne had a way of talking to William. And as we see them together, they were a match made in heaven.

I could have sworn that the sky went dim when William wrote to me that he and Anne are broken up. Although the reason was not clear it seemed to me that he took it to the heart. Just like you Francis, William asked me what to do. Back when we were studying literature in England, I noticed that William had a gift in writing scenes and imagery unlike any other writer. It seemed like he was another man when he has the quill on his hand and a parchment in front of him. He would write beautiful prose with unexpected endings. After the break up, I advised him to just keep himself busy and do what he really loves doing. And lo and behold, William became a famous playwright and a poet. His works were also adapted in the telly and the theaters. Soon enough she moved on from the heartbreak and was contented with his works and his circle.

I could say the same thing to you as I said to William. Do more of what you love. Aside from keeping yourself busy and keeping your mind away from your past lover, you are nourishing yourself with quality time and honing whatever it is you love to do. That’s also an effective way of moving on.

Also, let me give you some things you could also try in your journey for moving on:

Acceptance

You shall find it within you to accept that the relationship is done. It’s through. And it will not be the same again. You shall acknowledge the pain and suffering instead of denying and shoving it down the drain. Embrace it, take it all in. Cry a river, cry until your eyes are dried out. It’s okay, it is part of the process.

Closure

You could also seek closure with your former lover. And when I say closure, it’s closure, it is not an excuse to make out with her once again. It’s closure, it is time to air out the lingering thoughts, questions, doubts and everything you have inside. You’ll feel better if this is done right. Treat it as the last time you will ever see each other. Let it all out.

Wake Up

You should resist the urge of day dreaming. You shall prevent yourself from fantasizing the “what ifs”, stop thinking what could have been different. Because as it stands, all of those are irrelevant to your situation. Face your reality. Thinking about what you could have done differently, or what could be your future if this and that were to happen will only prolong your agony and suffering. Stop it.

Back to Your Support

Whether they are your friends or family members, turn to them and share what you are going through. It is important that you feel that you are not alone and you are supported through the whole ordeal.

Forgive

It does not matter who you think is at fault, it is imperative that you find it in your heart to forgive, not only your partner but also yourself. Surely, there are misgivings, mistakes, wrong doings and other stuff. Forgive all of them. Let go.

The best way of moving on will vary from person to person, but there is no harm in trying everything that I have told you. I wish you all the best and keep your mind and heart open for possibilities. Who knows? Maybe the cure for your heartaches is the medicine of a new love.

Love,

Professor

Hey there!

Thanks for reading as always. How do you like this story? Care to share your thoughts? I would love to hear from you! Drop by on the comment section and let us chat. Also if you want to read more letters like this one you may check out the others I have made :

Letters of the Heart (Collection)

And as always, cheers!!!

Sources:

Lead Image : Photo by Ylanite Koppens from Pexels

Image 1 : Photo by Daria Shevtsova from Pexels

Image 2 : Photo by Gareth Willey from Pexels