Well, I don't have a lot of friends and that's why I'm kind of talking. It has been a while since my family and I have been through difficulties, my mother has a mental illness that prevents her from working, but even so she tries to do some services, after all it is with this money that she supports our house (which is a mixaria ). Unfortunately I have been going through these difficulties since my parents separated, my father he hates us, he only gave pension for the sake of justice but after I turned 18 he stopped. lately i just feel bad about everything, i always studied a lot to give my family a better life, until a moment in my life i was abused by an ex stepfather and my mother didn´t believe me (it was at that time that she showed symptoms of mental illness) i feel very alone because i only had her in my life, but i hated her for a while but nowadays i prefer to believe that this happened because of mental illness, but anyway, after that i isolated myself from everything even the studies, I just thought about putting an end to my life and at that moment I started thinking about how much I didn’t fit in this world and that I felt it since I was a child, that didn’t fit me here, so I looked at the sky and started to imagine myself exploring the universe, going to the moon, mars .... and I feel so good about it and it was thanks to this that I had the strength not to commit what I was about to do, I thought that after all this suffering I could having a light at the end of the tunnel. So I started to study, until an opportunity arose to do an astronomy Olympics, I didn't think twice and accepted, but as I am a super unlucky person, right in the week I heard about the Olympics and signed up, my cell phone broke out of nowhere and I only had one week to study, if I had been watching video lessons it would help me a lot, but I couldn't at all, I only had a friend and I asked her for help but he could never, the only one who had a cell phone at home was my sister but she had to use it for college, so she told me that in her college she had computers and I could study there, so I went, but it was so far for me to go every day that I ended up getting sick (I don’t leave much home and I tend to get sick when I go out a lot) but even so I didn't give up I kept going, until I couldn't take it anymore, there was a moment when I passed out so I had to stay home and the next day I had a test, I was so afraid of not ok for proof that you take i got all the remedies possible, but i didn’t improve so i went to the sick test and unfortunately i was very bad, not even able to answer everything and after that i went downhill just got worse and it made me give it all up again, because i knew i didn’t I would be able to get into a good college and make my biggest dream come true. I've had so many losses throughout my life, I've never had a good opportunity for anything, I've never been able to go to a psychologist because I don't have money for therapies, I've never had money for good books, I have vision problems so I can't stay all the time on the screen of a cell phone reading, but I stayed anyway and because of that my degree of myopia got worse. I have no one in my life, I am going to turn 25 and I am not even in a good college that will lead me to my future, and I am from Brazil and how many astronauts have we seen coming out of our atmosphere, right? I just feel that everything is lost, I have no recourse for absolutely nothing, my mother is unemployed, I even considered prostituting myself to help her because things are really difficult, but I'm still in the fight, I don't want to give up, yet I have hopes in spite of the fact that I shouldn't but they always say that at a light at the end of the tunnel.