WHAT IT IS LIKE TO GROW UP
A friend of mine once characterized parenthood as, "Basically, only watching a kid for a couple of decades and making sure he doesn't accidentally kill himself, and you'd be surprised how many ways a kid would find to accidentally kill himself."
We may argue that young children are constantly searching for new opportunities to unintentionally kill themselves, because the driving force behind them is an innocent curiosity. Early in childhood, we are motivated to discover the world around us and our minds are gathering knowledge on what pleases and hurts us, what feels good and bad, what is worth exploring more and what is worth resisting.
But in the end, the exploratory process exhausts itself. And not that we're running out of the universe to discover. In reality, quite the reverse. The exploratory process is coming to an end and, as we get older, we begin to realize that there is so much universe to discover. It's so much to get in there. You can't touch it and taste it all. You can't get to see all the people. You can't see all the stuff. There is so much future experience and the sheer nature of our life overwhelms us.
As a result, our brain starts to rely less on trying something by itself and more on creating certain laws to help us tackle the infinite mystery of the universe ahead of us. Many of these laws was adopted by our parents and teachers. Yet we work out a lot of them for ourselves. For eg, after fucking with with open flames, you create a little mental rule that all flames are dangerous, not just one on the stove. And after watching your mom get mad several times, you start to find out that cheating is always wrong, not just when it's ice cream.
As a consequence, certain general principles are starting to appear in our heads. Practice the treatment of risky things so you won't get hurt. Be truthful with your parents and they're going to handle you well. Share with your siblings, and they're going to share with you.
These modern ideals are more sophisticated because they are abstract. The little kid thinks, "Ice Cream is great, so I want ice cream." The teenager thinks, "Ice Cream is great, but sneaking things pisses my parents off and I'm going to get punished; so I'm not going to take the ice cream out of the freezer." The teenager applies laws and values to her decision making in a way that a little child can't.
As a result, a teenager discovers that strictly following one's own happiness and preventing suffering will create complications. Acts are having effects. You have to negotiate your own interests with the interests of those around you. You must abide by the laws of society and authority, and then, more often than not, you will be praised.
How to be a grown-up
If you google "how to be an adult" most of the answers that come back talk about being ready for work interviews, handling your savings, picking up after yourself, and not being a rude asshole.
See activities are all wonderful, and they are all activities that adults are supposed to do. Still I 'd say that they don't make you an adult by themselves. They just keep you from becoming a teenager, which is not the same thing as becoming an adult.
That's how most people do these things because they're rule-based and transaction-based. You're well prepared for a work interview and you want to find a decent job. You learn how to clean your house and it has a significant impact on your health and on what people think about you. You're going to control your finances, and if you don't, one day you're going to be royally fucked down the line.
Bargaining laws and civil structure makes it possible for there to remain functional human beings in the world. But hopefully, after some time, we will begin to understand that the entire universe can not always be negotiated, nor can any part of our lives be subject to a series of transactions. You don't want to negotiate with your father for love, or with your mates for companionship, or with your employer for consideration. Why? Why? Because feeling like you're going to have to force people to love or appreciate you're feeling crappy. It is weakening the entire project. If you're going to have to ask someone to love you, they don't love you. If you have to make somebody love you, they don't love you. It is difficult to deal about the most sacred and important items in life. Trying to do so kills them.
You can't conspire for happiness. It's unlikely. But this is always what people want to do, particularly as they follow self-help and other personal improvement advice — they simply say, "Show me the rules of the game that I have to play; and I'll play it." Not understanding that it's the fact that they believe there are rules for happiness that really keep them from being satisfied.
You can't conspire to be satisfied. It's impossible to be. But this is always what people try to do, particularly when they obey self-help and other personal development advice — they only say, "Show me the rules of the game that I have to play; then I'll play it." Not realizing that it's the reality that they think there are rules for happiness that always prevent them from becoming happy.
When you reach maturity, you know that treating certain partnerships and pursuits as transactions gives them both pleasure and sense. That living in a world where something is being negotiated enslaves you to other people's opinions and aspirations, rather than freeing you to fulfill your own. You have to be able to stand alone often to stand on your own two feet.
Adulthood is the realization that often the abstract idea is false and false for its own sake. Just as a youth recognizes that there is more to the world than a child's joy or suffering, so an adult recognizes that there is more to the world than a teen's endless bargaining for acceptance, recognition, and fulfillment. The parent is doing what's best for the basic fact that he's best. End of the argument.