One last time. [Trigger warning : Suicide]

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Avatar for marcmire
3 years ago

Midnight.

Sitting in a corner of my apartment, where the moonlight and city lights can reach through, illuminating the room slightly.

The curtains are swaying back and forth from the wind.

Tick tock, tick tock. The sound of the clock echoes inside this god-forsaken place.

Everything is blurry now, and I can’t imagine a future being in a state of stabilization and comfort.

This is like cancer, it lives in the depths of me.

No one seems to care of my current state. Making fun of the abnormalities in my head, which is making me insane.

I'm a nobody, I'm a commoner. A pawn in a game of chess.

Why bother prolong the pain when you can end it?

I sighed, and made up my messy bed.

I’m tired, the type of tired which cannot be cured from sleep alone.

I grabbed a pen, and wrote my last thoughts of happiness, getting rid of them forever in a piece of paper.

“This should do.” I said calmly in the room full of silence then I opened up my phone and scrambled to the photos, hoping to grasp the wonderful memories for the last time.

“My friends, who cared only for themselves.”

“My parents, I’m sorry.” tears start to fall down from my eyes and engulfed my vision with water.

I’m crying hard.

I put my phone down, and looked upon the noose hanging on the ceiling which I created a while ago.

I smiled, one last time.

Sobbing, from these deep emotions inside.

I climbed up the chair under the noose.

Seeing my room one last time. I chuckled as it doesn’t make any sense anymore.

I’m seeing paradise after.

Void.

Nothingness,

Pure silence.

For eternity.

I inserted my head inside the noose; fitting up right to my neck. I let out a soft sigh. Kicking the chair’s spindle, causing the chair to fall down, making my feet touch the air inches from the ground and making the rope tighten over my neck; choking me hard.

I can’t breathe.

I can’t move.

I’m slowly losing consciousness.

Yet, I eventually calmed down, and accepted my ticket to utopia.

My vision starts to darken as I’m already losing control of my body.

One last time, I see the world. Full of harsh trials and challenges.

I fell short, and driven me to this state of pure melancholy and isolation.

The memories made in my life.

The brief happiness and enjoyment.

All of it plays through my mind.

One last time

and, now it comes to and end.

As I fall to oblivion.

Where I can find healing for my pain and, find eternal euphoria

- Marcmire

A/N : if you ever thought of taking your own life, please know that you are not alone. Seek help, for there is so much more to life than death. You are worth it. *virtual hugs*

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3 years ago

Comments

Maybe I grew immune to triggers or maybe this one lacked the emotions this time. But it was so clearly described and i liked that

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3 years ago

This was written way back 2017 when I had my episode of depression, just thought of posting it here haha.

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3 years ago

Oh, i can empathize with that. I drew so many suicidal and morbid images when i got depressed. Never want to post those here though. I might scare people

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3 years ago

Well, I can say it was really that "morbid" glad we did got out of those dark times though.

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3 years ago

Agreed. Else we wouldn't be better people now

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3 years ago