Abusers and Toxic relationships.

Abusers and toxic relationships

Have you ever wondered why people tend to abuse their significant other when they obviously professed their love for one another during their relationship? These specific issues must be shed light upon since these can traumatize the person throughout the relationship. 

So first things first, how do we identify an abuser? Is it just the one that causes physical pain through a person, or are there specific identifiers to make a person an abuser? We must be aware when a person is abusive to prevent the devastating effects that he/she can do on a person or even on you.

This doesn't just happen to women; it also happens to men.

An abuser is a person that inflicts physical, mental, sexual trauma and violence to a person. In terms of relationships, these people can go freely without taking responsibility for their harm. They seek to control the person using violence and manipulation. Certain factors can give birth to a potentially abusive person in the relationship.

Environment

A person raised in a violent environment where they normalize violence to achieve control tends to imitate these actions.  These actions are then reflected in their romantic relationships; they think they can get away with it because it's just normal for a relationship to undergo these kinds of stuff, justifying it as "ups and downs." They somehow see this as how love works, "Love hurts, doesn't it?" It's a fatal misconception that can deliberately affect tremendously on a person. In their environment, they will usually see partners get into fights, where the male or female inflicts pain on his significant other, and as a youngster, they would see it as an everyday thing. Especially if their partners still cling to the relationship even how hard it is, just for the sake of the relationship and the children. Environments such as these can be a breeding ground for future abusers.

Yes, it is given that we can't control where we are raised when we were young, but we have the freedom to educate ourselves and change our morals when we treat a person, especially our significant others.

Past relationships

A traumatized person who's been into a bad relationship, where he/she's been cheated and toyed with, may have had their egos and pride hurt. They tend to seek redemption in their next relationship by being controlling and manipulative. This gives birth to an abusive attitude justifying their acts as a sense of love and concern to never let the past happen to him again. This hasty generalization is one of the worse kinds of attitudes that you would ever encounter in a partner. Just because he/she had a rough past, that doesn't mean it applies to the next.

Mental health

Abusers may tend to blame their self-diagnosed mental illness for their actions to justify that inflicting pain to their partners is just a part of themselves, and they would seek acceptance through it. They would often act sad and manipulative and constantly paranoid when you're away from them, especially when hanging out with your friends. Mental health would never be a legitimate reason to justify an abuser's inflicted violence; doing so is a blatant example of manipulation and gaslighting.

Yes, all of these are factors. Why don't their partners do something about it? Why not leave the relationship?

We really hope it's that easy; being in a toxic and abusive relationship can be really hard to get out to. This is because of certain factors or consequences when they try to leave the relationship, coining the term, "Love is beautiful and often make people blind,"

Misconceptions of love

This has always been the case of abusive and toxic relationships; misconceptions of love hinder a person's possible growth. When we love a person, we tend to see them as the best thing that we ever had in this world; going heads over heels and all out on the relationship, investing all time and effort to make the relationship last. Love can be a powerful feeling, but we shouldn't let it blind us. We have to learn to invest in ourselves, love ourselves, not allowing people to degrade us for just being who we are. We must know our worth to free ourselves from the shackles of misconceived love that makes us dependent on our partners, that's letting ourselves be blind to their abusive tendencies.

If it's too hard to cope on your own, never be afraid to seek help and counsel. You aren't alone in this fight; you have the power to change things and conquer problems that may arise in this toxic relationship dilemma.

Friends are there to help you overcome a toxic and abusive relationship. Finding someone to confide in during these times of hardship can be really helpful in solving the problem. No man is an island, after all. We shouldn't let these problems reside in ourselves for too long as we can get devoured by our emotions and ultimately lead to a tragedy. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a stepping stone to grasp your strength to lead you to greater heights. Dwelling in toxicity can be stagnant for your growth, never learning to love yourself and assuming that you can change a person as time goes by.

YOU ALONE CANNOT CHANGE A PERSON.

A person will only change if he wants to change, and hopefully for the better. Letting yourself be a martyr and wait for years to go by, hoping to see the light that your toxic partner would finally change for the better, it's like waiting for the day for money to rain from the skies.

Find your worth first before you love. Letting yourself get defined by other people, even if it's your significant other, would make you likely not living the best out of your life. Don't settle for toxicity and free yourself from abusive people.

YOU ARE WORTH IT and never settle for less; you can do it!

If you reached the end of this article, I'm really grateful for taking the time to read all the stuff I made here. I hope that you'll be in it till the end of the ride. I hope you're staying safe while the world still heals. We are all in this together. If you ever find love in the way, please know that you should never settle for less and always be reminded of your worth every day. I'm planning to rewrite some of my pieces here and make them long enough to read just for a writing exercise. Anyways, as always, I'll see you at the next one.

Reach for the stars,

Marc.