love with best friend

It all started when I was in my third year of high school. First he introduced himself to me. I was surprised because he knew so much about me. And it all started with her becoming a friend. I never knew I would fall in love with her, because I would use her to tease my other girlfriend. He followed my advice to bring other girls to court but then all of a sudden he stopped judging her which is why I don't really know why. He didn't usually talk to me after the incident, which he did. And I felt so lonely and I missed him so much. I tried to hide it. Since then we don't always have to fight. My other friends would tell me what's going on with me and my best friend because we look like cats and dogs in the classroom. But I began to realize that my feelings for him were getting deeper. I never told him. For so many years until we graduated from high school, I never dared to tell them. We went into a lot of relationships but still in my heart I begged him to love me. He still calls me and tells me what's going on with his life but I couldn't tell him how much I love him. One day I got the strength to tell her I loved her. It was her 21st birthday when we were in high school. I was about to say it personally but I changed my mind. I wanted to shout in front of everyone and say "I love you", but I can't. I just write it on the card and tell him everything then I try to get away from him because I know he will never forgive me. Now that I'm here in the United States, I don't know what happened to him. I just heard from a friend that he is just married. But the vague thing about him is that he is calling me home and not saying his name but I know he was. I don't know what to do about it. I don't know what he wants from me now. I am also married to a local boy. He calls me regularly. We lose everything in our college days, the fun we gather and everything. I always look for my best friend in my husband but I can't find him like my best friend. I like it a lot, but I don't know why love didn't come out, even though we both love each other and still love each other.