I'm not an expert but i can say that mental illness doesn't have to be a severe illness in mind to say that you have a mental illness,like you're "crazy".Mental illness for me,is a kind of mental problem which you can't control whats happening to yourself,your thinking is not incontrolable sometimes but you can do normal things that a normal people does.I can say this because i have experienced it once in my life that i could never forget even if im now okay,i mean,my life now is not as hard during my pregnancy upto post partum 3years ago.I can say that i nearly fully recovered my mental state, although sometimes i feel sadness,self pity and sometimes feeling hopeless,but it is now tolerable and i know how can i convert my feelings into positive thoughts,i just have to talk to other people or go to some quite place to think about whats happening,trying to understand the situation.
Just a short story of my experience,3 years ago from my second pregnancy,i have this kind of mental issues that i felt nobody can understand what i feel.
Second pregnancy upto postpratum is one of my most horrible experienced in my life, there's a lot of pain,i don't know,i feel that im all alone in my journey even if my husband is always at my side whenever i feel not okay.He is always trying to reach out whenever he was,but still i feel im all alone, can't explain why.I feel like i will forever in where i am,i feel im nobody but a housewife,fulltime mom,no salary,nothing to do to help my husband financially.
The feeling that im in a room,all i can see is the 4 corner of the house,a prison like,feeling down,i can't buy what i want, I can't do what i want, I can't go to the place i want to go,i feel that, that's the end of my social life,my normal life and the most important for me when im still single,a dream of being part of culinary class,i want to be a chef.
After the pregnancy, that's the time that my mental behavior become more worst.I have some issues or behavior that i can't stop sometimes until i get satisfied.It is a bad behavior that i realizes that it is really torturing for other people,when they see me doing this kind of behavior to myself.Feel dumb for myself.I have i worst quick changing mood.I feel happy now but later on it will change to sadness,anger or emotinal.The worst feeling that i dont want to feel is anger,specially that the first person who is affected is my children,little wrong move of my kids,i feel angry,i shouted them(which i now realize so much guilt i did that everytime im angry) incontrolable for me,thats my only way to loosen my mind,i feel i m exploding.Second is my husband,thats the start i will be very annoyed to him,sometimes for a little reason but sometimes i dony know the reason why i feel annoyed to him.He keeps on asking me up to the point that i feel so angry at him for asking me repeatedly resulting to not to talk to him for a day sometimes for a week,and the most worst is,thats the start that i dont want to eat,it happened to multiple times,i dont eat meal for a whole day,the longest time that i dont eat meal is 4 days,just water.im always at the room,kids are fine because they have a responsible father,me also,i feed them,yeah i still know what the right thing to do for them,but not for myself anymore.
The moment that i started to change that behavior is when i started to recover from my post partum,i think its when my second child turns 2 years old, that's when i realizes that i need to do something,i need to change myself,need to go back in track.That's the time i decided to talk to my husband and ask some help,i told him,i need his all out support whatever i want to do,i need him to understand me, that's also the time that everytime i feel nobody,i told him what i feel,i told him i need to breathe,need to go outside,need to visit to siblings house,to friends house,need companions,need to feel free sometimes,and he doesn't refuse to give me that sometimes,when he is on his day off,he offers to care for our 2 kids and let me go where i want to go.Support is there,i can feel.
Workout(proper exercise)and diet,this is the next step in my back in track journey,i decided to go for my physical health and i think this really helps me a lot,thats the time im more motivated that i can pass through all of this happening in my life.I set a workout out goal for a month,when i saw my physical appearance (body)recovered from being so thin upto the point i gain a little weight,thats the start i can feel the self confidence again.The mental and physical health issues are slowly moving down.
But this process is not complete up until i met paying sites,which gives me money to buy everything i want for my kids,for the house and for myself also.I feel i am not "nobody",i feel like i can do better now.Providing my needs comes to my own pocket is really a big help for me.I didn't say that it is all about money,but hey,money can help a lot of things.
Now that i am nearly to fully recovered from that mental health issues,,i will continue what i started to change.I will never waste my time to go back where im in no good state of mind.Every person has its own issues in life,dont judge them the way the act,maybe you just can't understand them,your not on their shoe,please try to understand and if you have no good words or advices to tell,please don't throw bad words or dont judge them easily.Mental illness is not easy,you will understand this when you go through this.
Hope this inspire people to believe themselves that they will be healed.You only have to talk to someone you love,the person who will stay with you even if they dont understand you♥️
