Growing up to not having to see your Mom ever!

These are my two nephews and niece. From the left is Mathew, EJ, my sister and her son then Elisha my niece. This photo was taken just this Sunday we went out to celebrate my mother's, their grandmother's birthday. These kids lost their mom five years ago.

The Battle

Corey short for Corazon was the name of their mother. She was the wife of my brother Avery of whom I featured on my last post titled, Added Skill/s is crucial in this trying times. They have been married for eight years when she was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Their eldest EJ was 8 that time, Elisha their daughter was 5 years old the the youngest Mathew was 1 year old. Corey noticed that she kept on having headaches but she just ignored them and took some pain killers to make the pain go away. She said it helped at first like for few months. Then the next was every time she will read she was having a hard time reading the words so she went and got her eyeglasses thinking she just has an eye problem that's why she has recurring headaches as well. Then she experienced having total black outs. She was cooking one day then suddenly felt dizzy and she passed out. So, this was the reason why they brought her to see a doctor. They made some tests, so many tests to check what was wrong. These were all expensive tests. They did a city scan at first to trace the problem. Then an MRI to know the sureness of their diagnosis. Then finally the dreaded result. They found a small mass on the back part of her brain it was just small at first so they gave her some medicine to make the mass smaller or to eradicate the mass. All this time she had to deal with three kids growing up not to mention she just gave birth 9 months right after she was diagnosed. Her husband was not here during this times. My brother was working abroad. Good thing she has her family with her because that's where they were living. My family and I would just visit her from time to time when we have spare time because I too was busy taking care of my son and we live far from them. When it was three years after her diagnosis, she was then hospitalized because she passed out again. Good thing my brother was there when it happened, it was his vacation from his work abroad. He took care of her in the hospital. My mother who is a believer on natural healing and therapy told them to opt for a new treatment. All natural no synthetic drugs just plain follow the strict vegetable diet and healthy living. Great thing there was a doctor here in our city who practice Natural healing. He is well renowned for his natural healing methods and has really helped a lot of patients get better and eventually they get well. They moved Corey there to that clinic and she was then treated. The family should be involved because they play an important part on the preparation of her food, her very strict diet. My brother was the one doing them. Preparing her meals and everything. He really monitored her closely not leaving her side. My sisters helped in taking care of their children. Everyone pitched in whatever help they could give. Most specially when it comes to financial support. Both families, our family and Corey's family helped. My brother who's vacation leave that time was only for 2 months but he applied for an extension up to a year. Happy that his company granted him the leave because of the circumstance at hand. After a year of his extended leave he had to go back again because they also need the finances because all of the money that he took home was already out. He had to file for a loan. It was really very heart breaking, expenses here and expenses there. So he needs to go back to work again. For a year her diet was followed and Corey truly was getting better, no more attacks. She was back to her own self again. She has regained her strength and she was the one bringing her son EJ and daughter Elisha to school. Then another year came, two years since her all natural healing therapy and treatment she was doing great. Then another year came, 3 years since she had the natural therapy all went well. Except for the last months she started not following her diet it felt like she got tired of eating blended vegetables and other food because she can see her children eating natural food and of course her family as well so her strict diet was not followed anymore. On the later part before the 3 years she started having episodes or attacks again. This time it was worse. The headache was worse. She would bang her head on the wall. Her son and daughter would put a pillow on the wall or on the post where she would bang her head due to severe headaches. When this happened my brother was in overseas. We got a call from his son one day that her mom was in the hospital. She was brought by their uncle. So, I rushed to the hospital and my mom as well because they needed the support. Someone has to look after the kids while me and my mom stayed in the hospital. The doctor told us to have an operation, to open her up to remove the cancerous mass on her brain which already grew and another one is developing that's what caused the episode for her to be unconscious. But they told us it is not 100% guaranteed that she will be okay or well and if the operation will go well. We had a hard talk on the family both sides. Everybody said it is hard to do a brain operation specially we don't have a really good brain doctor to do the operation in our city. The doctor then referred us to a good brain surgeon in Pampanga another city. a two-hour drive from us that could perform the operation. Because she was weakening every hour. That day she was in a coma and was placed in the ICU. We brought her kids the following morning in the hospital to see their mom. But due to her delicate state overnight the doctor who was attending to her told us to not hope that much because her heart is failing and anytime she would go. It was really a painful sight to see. The children, Ej and Elisha wen to see their mom just by the glass window of the ICU. EJ then asked if he could go inside the ICU room so she could talk to her mom. The nurses agreed and have him wear hospital clothing. After their brief talk. EJ then went out from the ICU and an hour later she passed away. The sad part was the following day was EJ's birthday. His mom died a day before his birthday. It was painful for my brother because he was not there when she passed away. He could only see her through the phone via video call. We all cried, there was nothing we could do. She has left her three children behind.

The wake

I was busy tending for her funeral. Contacted a funeral home to prepare her body for the wake. I had to buy the dress for her to wear. My mom and I were there during whole process. My sisters were the one watching the children. When this happened Corey's parents were on a vacation in the province because his father was recovering from a sickness as well. They were both Seniors already, When they learned of the news they travelled back home so they did not see Corey in the hospital. They saw her in the wake. It was really a heart-breaking sight to see because everybody thought that Corey was getting well already but his happened. Her son EJ did not speak for many days since her mom passed away. He cannot even cry. It was like he was shocked from the inside and doesn't know how to handle what was happening. On the day of his birthday which was just hours since his mother passed away. His classmates came with his teachers but no word can be heard from EJ. He was just there physically but mentally he was not there. Everybody were so supportive. I told EJ to cry, I told him it is okay to cry, just let it out but he will just look at me, look at us. So, we just let him be. On the third day of her wake my brother arrived, another heart-breaking moment. Then Corey's sister from the States also came home, her siblings who were working from other cities came. Here wake was extended to more than a week so all her siblings and close family could see her for the last time. This was also heart breaking for her family because she was the first one to go. She has 5 other siblings, She's the third of her siblings, She was the middle child.

After the Burial

After Corey was laid to rest, it was agreed upon both sides that the children will be staying with me since my brother had t go back to work. Corey's father was not well that time so the grandparents cannot take care of them. We accepted them in our house. We have a spare room for them to stay. A month after Corey's burial, one early morning when I came to check on the kids. I saw Mat-Mat crying so I asked him what's wrong. He said, I saw mama. She was sleeping beside big brother EJ. She then told me what happened. He said he felt cold because the AC was on high mode, he then got up to look for the blanket but when he got up he saw his mom beside EJ. Ej's bed was down on the floor just beside their bed. Mathew and Elisha were sharing the bed while EJ was on the foam just below them. So when he was looking for the blanket thinking EJ got them, he then saw his mom sleeping beside his brother. He cried while I was holding him. Elisha and EJ were still asleep when the two of us were talking. I cried as well. Thinking Corey really missed her children most specially her eldest. Until now while writing this post, I am crying. For two years they stayed with us at home. I became a mother of four children. That time Mathew was 7 years old and still like a baby, so fragile. I had to focus my attention on him. Most specially when the three of them got sick. It was really hard. My son started to get a bit jealous because I had to tend to their needs first before his. I was doing online teaching as well at night so I was really very busy. After two years my brother came home and took his children. He was already seeing someone a colleague of his from the cruise ship he was working and she was pregnant. The kids were then placed in their grandparents care. There were some issues because the elder sister of Corey wants to adopt the kids but my brother refused so until now the kids are living with their grandparents on Corey's side.

Sharing a photo with me and the kids visiting their mom's grave. This was her first year death anniversary. Her cemetery is so far, you need to have your own vehicle going here. Elisha was making funny faces just so his brother would smile. You see how young they are still.

July 18, 2021

This was just this Sunday. Friday night, I was planning on celebrating my mom's 64th birthday. She was living back at our home town which is really far. You have to take a plane ride to go there. While I was just thinking of the get together that I had in mind. I suddenly felt sad and I cried while thinking about the three kids of Corey. So, I sent a message via Fb messenger to EJ and told him I will pick them up on Sunday afternoon so they could join in the celebration. We will have it by the beach inside Subic Bay. I told him to ask permission from their grandma. It was a celebration of many post special celebrations. EJ and Matthew's graduation, Elisha's birthday last June and my son Angelo's graduation as well plus the birthday of my mom, their grandmother. We had a wonderful time bonding together just his Sunday. The kids have grown already and have moved on.

I am happy that even after what happened both our families were always there to support them. They call me Mama Joie which is really cool and I told them even if they are not living with me anymore they can call on me for anything that they needed. EJ is now 18 and graduated from Senior High, Elisha is now 16 she will be grade 10 this school year, Mathew graduated from elementary and will be Grade 7 this school year. These kids are smart. They all have good grades. Ej and Mathew graduated with honors, Elisha as well has honors. Their father who is now living with his new wife still supports them and sends them money for their needs. They have a child of their own as well. So these kids basically don't have parents present by their side.

Realization

If you feel anything in your body never take chances or don't just brush it off specially if it is recurring. Go see a doctor because prevention is better then cure. I think if they have detected the mass earlier it would not have been worse and Corey would have been here. Be grateful that you have your family with you because in dire situations they will be the one who will help you and assist you no matter what and without accepting anything in return. Value your time with your families and love ones. Always be generous and understanding if other's need your help. Let your house be open to all those who needs your help. Just be loving and be kind.

As always,

lovejoie