If you really loves me, you must give it to me

Hi I'm Marga, I'm already 27 years old, I'm going to tell you a story about my first and last love. Its about a guy I saw when I was in high school. I'm in high school that time while he was in college. Honestly, I have crush on him because he was cute, tall, pretty face, he had cerulean eyes and very gentleman. One time I saw him helping his teacher lifting boxes to deliver in stock room.

At that moment I know I have deep crush on him, but it makes me hopeless in truth that he is 19 while I'm 15. Its very impossible that he will notice me because I know he like those women whose beautiful and same age to him. It makes me realize that I have no chance to him but I still have crush on him.

Everytime we hangout around the school, my friends always teasing me when my crush walking behind us. "Marga is that your crush?". It makes me blush not because I feel romantic excitement but I feel shame for myself. I want to shut the mouth of my friends but my crush look at me then smile. It makes my heart pound fast. I don't know what should I do. I want to hide that im blushing but my friends keep teasing me. Oh my God I feel like I'm going to die because of too much embarrassment.

I can't hold my feelings anymore, I want to confess my feelings to him thats why I made a letter in which I made a lot of efforts and then write a letter full of confession together with my Facebook name and cellphone number. I don't know what I'm doing, I feel desperate in that part.

In that morning I feel excitement go to school since I'm going to confess my love to my crush. I reach the entrance gate then my heart starts to beat fast when I saw him sitting at the bench. I walk close to him, we have eye contact then it makes me blush so much to the point that my cheeks is going to explode. I approach him then said

"H-h-hii Kuya". Then I gave him my confession letter, I'm so embarrassed that moment, I feel like I'm so desperate. It makes me shame more since there are lots of other students looking at me but I don't care atleast I've confess my love. Its OK if he didn't notice me and throw my letter but I'm hoping that he will appreciate it.

I went back to my room then glance him at the window, he's still holding the letter then it makes me sad when he put the letter inside his bag then leave. I feel like I'm gonna cry thats why I went back to my chair then cry. I can't believe that all my efforts and embarrassment that I got is nothing for him. After the class, I went back home then lock myself at my room. I cried a lot until there's a notification pop-up on my phone. I can't believe that he chat on me, my sadness becomes romantic excitement. I don't know but I'm so fragile when it comes to him. I open my messenger then open his message.

Hi I've already read your letter, first I want to say sorry if I don't give thanks to you while ago because I didn't expect that someone will give me letter. I do appreciate it and thank you. I saw your Facebook name here on letter and your in my friends list thats why I message you.

It makes my heart beat so fast after I've read his message. I jump at the top of my bed due to so much romantic excitement. My mother scolded because im too noisy at my room. I lie down on my bed then answer his message.

We've became close to each other in chat but were strangers in person. I don't know why he's avoiding me in school then he ignores me. I don't have courage to talk to him because I feel ashamed if I'm going to approach him. We are strangers in personal but were very close in chat. 1 month later, he told to me that he like me. It makes me surprised and shuddered at what he admitted. He ask me if he could woo me. I agreed because I was very vulnerable to him, then after a week I already gave him the sweet "Yes".

He was my first boyfriend and I don't know how to handle relationship. When I'm at school, he always approaching me but there's a little bit of awkwardness. He was professional in school but when were at outside of school he was sweet and caring to me. He treating me like a true girlfriend even though we have 4 years gap. Some of my friends telling me that he's just making fun on me, I don't want to believe it since I know that he loves me maybe?.

I asked him that question and he just hold my hand and kissed me on forehead. He always doing that to me when I'm asking him strange questions. We always meet every Saturday and everytime we meet he is asking for something. He always asking for kiss and hugs, I'm always giving it to him because I love him very much. Until it became deeper and deeper to the point that he's asking to kiss me on lips. I'm so inloved to him that I agree to it. He's my first kiss and I'm afraid that he could ask something more. Then the time comes and he asked the most thing I want to avoid. He asked me if I'm still Virgin then I answered him the truth.

Its weekend when he message on me, he asked me if I can meet him, and I'm afraid on what he's asking, there's a doubt in my mind since I don't want to loose it. He's asking me to meet him and we will do it. I'm doubting on what he's wishing and told him that im not ready for it. I cs only give him kiss and hugs but I can't loose my virginity. While he's chatting I sense he became annoyed and told to me.

"If you truly love me, you must give it to me".

That's the moment that I cried a lot, I love him but he's asking to much to me and I don't want to give it to him until we're get married. He's still pushing me to do it with him. My tears are streaming in my face then I asked him a question.

"Do you really love me? or you just want my body? Huhuhu I'm sorry but I can't give it to you it is better if we're going to break up if you keep asking for it."

Then after that he didn't reply to my last message, I drop my phone then cry. I'm in pain right now because of a man that wishing to get the most part of me I want to preserve. I want to curse him when we meet in one place then slap him. I receive notification that he chat on me, I don't want to open me but there's a part of me want to glance it. He chatted.

Sorry for what I've done to you, I just want to measure what kind of girl you are. I don't want to do this but I want to know you more and I'm so blessed that your a strong girl. I adore you for what you respond to my wish, the fact is im doing this to all the girls I love but they agrees to it thats why I'm breaking up to them but your different. I love you so much and sorry. Can you go out in your room? I'm waiting here outside of your house.

After I've read his message, my tears starts to drop again, I glance at the window then I saw him waving. I immediately fix myself then approach to him. My mother welcomed him and he introduced himself as my boyfriend. Hopefully my mother agreed but we must prioritize our study first. He was the man that everyone is dreaming and im lucky to find that kind of man.

Now we are married and we have 3 children's, He became a successful engineer while I became an accountant. I leave on my job to took care our children and now I'm happy to live in a normal life. I'm so blessed that I found a man that truly loves me and treat me well everyday.