Becoming independent
It is natural for a human being to want to control herself and her Own environment-even if she is a very young human being. when a child 1S eager to exercise some control and you deny her the chance, you are in a sense telling her that she is not competent to have that responsibility, a message that is damaging to her sel-esteem.
Seek situations where you can allow your child to practice being in charge. If your three-year-old decides to rearrange the patio furniture, for instance, let her. The youngster can spend an hour happily dragging lawn chairs about, fceling important and in control, and you can put them back in place the next day.
The desire for coniroĊ is part of a natural childhood drive toward independence. You should not resist thhis quest; instead, help the child learn how tO handle independence when she gets it. The best environment tor achieving this is 2 1ome with a warm and democratic social atmospherc. Thie word "democratic" in this sense does not mean that a tanily vote deCIdes vital issues, or that children are treated the same as adults. it does mean that parents control their children's behavior by example, reaSon and consultation rather than by rigid authoritarianism.
All households need rules, but you can present them in a manner that makes sense to a child. If she resists going to bed at the regular hour, you might explain that she needs the sleep in order to grow, an explanation that respects her intelligence and appeals to her desire to be bigger. You could also point out gently but straightforwardly that parents need some time on their own; the fact that the world does not, after all, revolve around her is a lesson every child must learn sooner or later.
