It was 6:03 am. I opened my door to find it appeared the sky had fallen. The thickest layer of fog sat just right above the street, blocking my view of anything beyond it. It was a dreary day, with the wind blowing a chill to the bone. The houses, trees, cars no longer there - just a blank white canvas sat invading the space that was air. “Hmm,” I thought, walking might be interesting this morning.
After surveying the visibility through the denseness, I decided it was best to sit this walk out until the fog had cleared. I went back inside and clicked on the stove to warm up a cup of tea.
I sat next to the window, staring out at the fog in wonder. Letting my mind go blank. Sipping on my cup of earl grey, I closed my eyes to take in the warm scent of the bergamot oils wafting upwards. It comforted me and was like a cozy blanket wrapped all around me. My hands warmed from the heat of the mug, I stared down into the billowing steam.
“My goodness,” I thought, “how will we ever?”
I was referring to the secret. It had been twelve years since I sat inside the cave off the cove with Will, holding hands with tears streaming down our faces. I had fallen in love with him. It was as simple as that and when he drew close to me, the magnetic pull between us was undeniable. His hands on my waist pulling me into that brief moment of wanting, while the waves crashed onto the rocks that were at the cave’s entrance.
Now I had to fight what felt unnatural, denying these true feelings of longing for him.
“Do you solemnly swear Elaine?” he asked. His pleading voice struck my core as I sniffled, barely able to glance up at his handsome scruffy face.
I knew if I looked back at him I would sob even harder so instead looked down and pushed out, “Umm... okay, I swear.”
Will was granted a full scholarship to the seminary school of seminary schools - the Harvard of all religious thought. Upon entering this honor, he could not have a sin of his virginity lost to be cast out amongst his peers and colleagues. He would lose everything.
We sat holding hands and crying harder. He went to hug and hold me and I reluctantly let him. We heaved against each other, torn at the decision of having to bury their secrets of a love so pure.
Now looking through the window, wistful of a love so pure, how could that have dwindled? Will was now involved in politics and journalists were scrambling to collect bits of Will’s life wherever they could be collected. An email inquiry came to my email inbox that morning that made me cringe in horror.
I was anxious. In only a matter of hours, I would be hauling my suitcase to the car and driving up a long winding road to the mountain top where Adelaide now lived. We hadn’t seen each other in years. How could that be? I knew full well it was because of the spat we got in over the summer of 2011 over her father.