In a weird turn of events, my mind has ceased in the colorful dreams that I have been having all year. I wonder if writing about all of them had assisted in making them go away or resolve any issues I’ve been having. There are times I have woken up and remembered scattered snapshots of a dream but wasn’t able to piece together all that had happened in my dream state.
Today I woke up with a clear understanding about last night’s dream and it was weird.
I went to my ex-lover’s place, but it wasn’t his exact home in real life. It was a bright, sunny apartment with white walls and lots of windows. At each window was his pets in a taxidermic state, that is they were preserved and stuffed and in front of each window.
My sister was with me and the lover was not in so we sat there and just hung out. At some point, either she handed me or I picked a stack of card shaped papers. They were the size of playing cards. I shuffled through them and they were a deep blue color and some of them were solid and some had a picture of the same little Caucasian girl on them. In the dream I thought it was strange I kept seeing the same image over and over.
We sat there for a bit longer, there were a few more things that happened that I can’t remember. But we soon left and went to the Fountainbeau hotel in Miami.
*Note: I did watch “One Night in Miami” last night, so the Fountainbleau in my dream may have inserted itself into my dream, so be it.
My Analysis
In the past few weeks I have been following the Marilyn Manson fallout and reading about the consequences of both sides and the history. I am wondering if this leaked into my subconscious and made me question my own history with this past lover. The most disturbing element of the dream was the taxidermy pets. It’s as if I have thought that he views his ex-girlfriends and ex-lovers as pets and trophies that he likes to keep in some form to remind him of the power he had over them, in the same way Marilyn Manson wielded his over the women in his life. I had commented to someone earlier in the week that I had felt reading about this had made me think about my own past relationship, more specifically the part I related to was the gaslighting. It’s as if he purposefully made me feel crazy and questioning about our past, denying events between us when I know in fact they happened. But in our recent years would not admit they had happened.
My heart and spirit goes out to any woman who has had to endure this, especially from one who is suppose to be a close loved one.
