Anxiety Killer Ants, SNL Skit & Hottie Boss

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3 years ago (Last updated: 1 year ago)
Topics: Life, Grieving, Anxiety, Grief

I really can’t believe how many work dreams I’ve been having. This one I felt was another healing dream from PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) at a job with a tough boss and weird life residual stuff.

The first scene I recall was being in a very tight, small office space and two of my former bosses were sitting at very small desk cubicles - they were extremely small. They are like desks I’ve seen in the library, where there are several desk areas linked together partitioned by a wall on three sides and you can sit individually at your own desktop. 

Of the former bosses, one is a good one - Charlie* and the other one is Scott* who was unforgiving, shitty and demanded a lot. Strangely enough, I was also attracted to him lol, and so were all the other girls. My working for him became an issue of jealousy amongst the other women in the office, adding another layer of difficulty on this job. I was constantly questioned about our interactions and felt like I was under a microscope and part of the office gossip. He was tough but I found him cute and attractive. But I was professional and I was not going to let those feelings ever intervene. I did tell my friend though, if he made I move, I wouldn’t have stopped him ;-).

It was daytime and it was my first day on the job. I knew them in the dream but we pretended not to know each other or acknowledge knowing each other. Charlie stood up and introduced himself in a warm manner and in my dream, Covid was part of this dreamscape, so there was distancing and no contact due to it. Scott sat at his desk looking up at me and asked me to get him some food. I think he asked me to get him a salad or açaí bowl. In real life - I use to get Scott coffee or some kind of beverage when he asked or picked up his meals. When clients were in, we would stage me giving me coffees as a kind of power move to show clients. 

I went to the kitchen and then later to the lobby to find food to bring to Scott. In my mind in the dream, I went through feelings of being comfortable with them just because of knowing them for a while and had a strong dislike for Scott, remembering the stress and torture I felt at times that I was put through when I worked for him before. 

It’s been a long time since I worked for either of these guys so I was shocked to have this dream but it just dredged up old feelings of how miserable I was. Also the anxiety and disgust I felt in the dream were definitely feelings I have kept and should really let go of since this is all in the past. I’m seeing this as a sign to really move on and address the issues I’m still holding onto internally. 

Grief can be a strange process and feeling inappropriate feelings at time can be part of this process. I bring grief up because many have been saying we are all grieving our old lives BC (before Covid.)

Next in the dream I’m in my bed. I look at the ground and see that there is a plastic bag and there are two huge killer ants. I’m terrified and am really worried about them coming near me and biting me. I’m stuck in fear and just watching these gigantic ants. The two are crawling outside the bag and I realize there are more ants inside the bag. In the dream I think I have to get rid of the ants fast and kill them or take them outside before they harm me. But I’m afraid if I go near them they’ll attack. So I sit observing them waiting for, I don’t know what. As I keep looking at them, I wonder if they have wings and can fly. Then I get even more terrified. After this thought, one of the killer ants starts flying lifting up the ground high and it grew bigger somehow. It got big like the size of a small pet and I had a ceiling fan (which I don’t in real life) but the ant went high towards the fan and then it got tangled up in the ceiling fan and went to pieces. 

This dream was not very pleasant. Anxiety and fear were the huge themes of this one. As I noted, it does seem apparent I’m still in need of healing from a bad situation. The killer ants - I’m not really afraid of insects unless they look wild and are a gigantic size. But let me analyze this one for you. I think this has a little bit of a funny ending, weirdly enough.

There’s two videos I have watched recently that might have inspired this. I watched Les Stroudsman Survivorman series where he talks about surviving in the wild and food sources. One of his food sources is anything that crawls - grasshoppers, termites, ants, worms, scorpions, whatever crawls. One of the items he showed was the biggest larvae grub I’ve ever seen and it was outrageously disgusting to me. I am very open-minded and culturally-sensitive to other cultures, especially when it comes to cuisines, but it was hard to watch. I would probably maybe eat one - but must be cooked. The size of the ones in Malaysia were HUGE and the kids loved them! They showed the kids with it moving around their mouths and it really grossed me out - I’m not easily grossed out either. 

Also recently I watched a SNL (Saturday Night Live) skit, “Farewell Mr. Bunting” and I thought it was hilarious.

Unfortunately I will have to ruin the ending for this to make sense, so if you haven’t watched this one and don’t like spoilers, click above and watch now.

DISCLAIMER: I realize this humor is not for everyone and maybe I’ve just been in a place where laughter was much needed so when I watched this I just laughed hysterically. Grief can be a strange process and feeling inappropriate feelings at time can be part of this process. I bring grief up because many have been saying we are all grieving our old lives BC (before Covid.) Also I have lost a few people recently and my friends have lost their loved ones too. It’s been a year.

So in the skit, out of the blue a character stands up and his head is cut off by the fan and it’s a completely unexpected bizarre moment. It stuck with me. Hence the ant getting destroyed by the fan. 

I’m hoping for sunnier and happier dreams to share with you all. May Mr. Sandman bless me and you with more lighter dreams.  

*Names have been changed.

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3 years ago (Last updated: 1 year ago)
Topics: Life, Grieving, Anxiety, Grief