Time to put the fish under the table

I've been on a learning journey for a while now, and while I've been increasing my experiences, I've enjoyed a break and returned to my writing. The last month, in which I aged and returned to old routines with the end of summer, has nourished both me and my mind. I slowed down, left some things that were not going well and chose to confront others. I have learned through experience how giving clear messages is a safer method for the people you are in a relationship with and for ourselves.

I remembered that our most important foundation here is the trust and bonds established in relationships. Without a bond, neither what is said gets through to the other party, nor do we get the most out of that relationship. The way to deepen in this subject is through practice, as in many things. As we practice, we can replace old learnings with new ones, we start to change. Well, do we know the ways to dare to realize the word change that is always on our lips?

I say "dare to change" because I believe that every learning process is about change, forgetting what you know and keeping your mind fresh to acquire new knowledge. At work, at home, in transportation, in friends, in the market, we find ourselves in difficult conversations from time to time, we usually use the methods we know, sometimes we get good results, sometimes we feel "unsuccessful". If we leave the issues we feel unsuccessful about alone, they either grow or occupy our minds for a long time.

Being able to look at things with a balance of intellect and emotion, to anticipate that there may be information beyond what you see, is part of how to not be left without a solution in such moments. Just seeing how these situations can be resolved and people from different parts of the world coming together to be a more effective individual, parent, friend, leader, reminded me that there are a wide variety of struggles, challenges, dilemmas and different methods outside the comfort zone.

It also gave me a chance to practice that the connection you build with those around you and finding common purpose not only makes you the one who manages the communication in relationships, but also enables you to shake hands even in the most challenging moments.

When I first asked myself the question "Do we dare to change?", I realized that in many areas where I wanted to change, I was talking with many inner voices about what others thought. Especially for me, who was already aware that I was giving my perception of value and motivation to the outside but did not know how to change it, the first practices were not easy.

I was surprised how fast I could change when I really intended to. It is possible to change without pretense, with sincerity, trust and your own preference, but there is nothing wrong or incomplete about leaving aside some issues that you don't want to change, that you don't want to be, that you force yourself to be but your heart tells you "don't force yourself", these are also natural and can be accepted. I started to see that they also started to disappear in the flow on their own.

The moment when you feel most helpless, for example, you are facing a threat and a single response will decide your fate between survival or not. Even in such a moment, with the right communication and connection, by talking and showing goodwill, you can convince the other person and change your destiny.

I listened to George Kohlrieser, who has experienced this many times as a hostage negotiator. Some of them did not seem possible at first, but as I experienced them, I was fascinated by his tremendous examples that I believe in their impact and power.

All of what I learned touched my mind and heart, so I wanted to share this experience that I loved so much. No matter how well we think we know ourselves, I started to dare to change by discovering new sides, taking steps to become a better version of yourself every day, and while doing this, I started to benefit from the metaphor of "putting the fish swimming under the table on the table".

In fact, there are some traits that lie dormant somewhere inside us that are neither known to us nor included in the definitions that are relevant to us. One day, when we start to discover them, we start every conversation and dialog to win. When we realize that winning is not about being superior, but about shaking hands and making the other person feel happy and peaceful, no negotiation is forced upon us. I am already looking forward to every negotiation that life will bring, and I am sure we will pocket our learnings when each one is over.