No one wants us to shout at our child but sometimes it is unavoidable or unstoppable. Whether at home or outside or even when no one else is witnessing, we are ashamed of what we have done. It runs through our minds how we are judged as parents. But how to have self-discipline so as not to shout? What can we do if we are overcrowded and angry?
Screaming is said to be the equivalent of beating. Rarely is the problem solved or the bad habit. usually, they are only reprimanded for a short time and then they go back to being naughty or reprimanding.
According to Editha Velez, a mother. "They don't understand what you are saying when you shout it out loud, scary and angry".
In my own experience, my child is scared and she always feels that I'm always angry at her. That's why every time she says something like she wants to urinate or defecate, she prefers not to say it because she thinks I will get angry again. Sometimes she says but he will ask me first, you angry mom? or are you, happy mom ?. So I gradually changed everything to be calm.
Stop Judging
It is not easy to be a parent. Everyone expects all of us to be able to live, educate, love, entertain, and raise our children properly. We cannot go wrong because life depends on us. After all, we must be role models for our children. In addition to being a reflection of us and our parenting, whatever our child's behavior is. Every time they make a mistake, we are doubly judged that we did not teach the child good manners. It is very easy to judge when you are not in the parental condition you are judging. When we see a mom or dad screaming, there are many possible reasons why he or she is doing this — whether it is valid or not for others. According to the study, most screaming parents do not agree with what they are doing even though others do it often. Others can compete in front of other people but when in their own home it becomes customary to shout. Parents cry because of the various emotions and pressures they feel — anger, frustration, loss of patience, and often because they fear that their child will grow up rebellious.
You are not a bad parent
I am a mother who inevitably yells at my child because of its extreme awkwardness and sometimes because of fatigue. Often the truths we think about shouting are big myths. But I realized that not that I shouted at my daughter was that I was a bad parent.
The bad thing is if you are not guilty of what you did then. We all have a reason why we explode, but the reason why we did it and what we do afterward, is the basis of being a good parent.
Is it wrong to shout?
We probably know the answer. Shouting to the child, especially if using hurtful words, is not good for it. Whether young or old, shouting does not feel good. Shrinking when this happens. We feel we are worthless. What about a child who still lacks understanding? when they do not listen, do we think they will listen more if we say what we want to say out loud and angry? When we shout, they misunderstand us even more. The louder and louder the voice, the less they enter it in their minds. After the first loud words were uttered, they seemed to hear nothing so whatever lesson you wanted him to learn he did not absorb. What happened has already happened. You shouted. You are guilty. Forgive yourself and make a way to change. But it is not too late. Doing positive interactions can balance negative outcomes. We can do much to develop the self-discipline to overcome the habit of shouting and learn to quell anger or frustration.
According to research about screaming
According to studies, children who are bullied eventually become insecure and aggressive, both verbally and physically. Scolding is considered bad but it is worse if what is shouted is insulting or hurtful words. There is a saying that what an adult does wrong becomes right in the eyes of the child. Remember that being aggressive is a form of bullying. If our children see us as bullies because of shouting, they will probably be the same to their neighbors. Or worse, let him be the victim of bullying because he is a man who is normal for him to be shouted at. When you shout, the child does not understand what you are saying. Either scared, resentful, or the child just ignores you. In one study, teenagers who were constantly being bullied developed behavioral issues. These include violence, vandalism, and depression.
Reduce shouting
But how can a child listen to us without shouting? Is it possible to reduce the shouting and completely disappear it from our system? According to Elena Maria Acuna, a mother with four children, she learned to be calm when she drowned. He has tried various ways over the years so that he does not become a beast mode when he disciplines his little ones.
Here are some of the things you can try:
Try to take a deep breath. Give the child a timeout so you also have a few minutes to calm down. Do not rush into battle without a plan. Take a deep breath first to think correctly and not get angry. Return to the child when you are ready to talk properly to address the problem using your mommy's voice instead of a scary scream.
Use consequence instead of punishment and threat. The consequences of punishment vary greatly. The consequences are the direct result of the wrong done. It should be accompanied by a prognosis and explanation. For example, if a child uses a toy and scolds you, you take it because he or she is using it to hurt the other. This is to do instead of, in fact, dipping him in salt, which has nothing to do with what he did wrong. You are simply teaching the child to be afraid rather than to understand what he or she has done wrong. He added that threats and punishment instill aggression, anxiety, and embarrassment are not good for raising a happy and healthy child.
Stop while it is still early. the child often becomes naughty because he is hungry, drowsy or he is looking for attention. It is difficult to know which of these is the reason why a child becomes stubborn, but the first step is to focus on his or her needs. it is also good to have a schedule and routine that he can follow to avoid being upset. It may not be an easy solution but it will have positive consequences in the long run.
When losing yourself and shouting, do not be ashamed to apologize to the child and express your love to him. Sometimes it is unavoidable that you explode. When this happens, learn to be humble and admit mistakes. Talk to the child and apologize. Explain why you did not stop shouting and remind them that neither child nor adult should do this. It teaches the child to accept mistakes and to forgive those who ask for forgiveness. Some people have trouble shouting and it may be a symptom of a bigger problem with anger management or anxiety problems. If you feel angry because of something small, it is better to ask for help with it. Some specialists respond to such problems.
Remember: if possible, talk to the child calmly and calmly. Let them know how much you love them. Avoid talking to them from another room or other part of the house to avoid shouting.
