I love you. Saranghae. Té amo. Wò aì ni.
I grew up watching people around me fall in love. The way their lips curve to form a smile and the spark that shines in their eyes when they see the person who can make their heart race. That, is what I know when people fall in love, people who have fallen in love. And I ask myself, how is it to be loved?
I still clearly remember how my young heart always want to have a happy ending love story just like those I watched in movies and read in fairytale stories. Having that guy crush and ideal man and imagining him as my future husband is somewhat made this dream grew bigger. But I as I grew up those dreams started to fade not because I don't want it nor I don't believe it but because I feel like I will not like it. Watching my friends fall in love and have been broken because of love made me loosen my grip. Listening to their "once upon a time" stories that ended up to "and they live happily separately" somewhat contibuted to the fear I felt. There, the reason why I started to not like it. Love, they say can be the most dangerous thing in this world. It comes with great pain. It will not kill you physically but can lead death to your emotional being. It feels like your heart is in anyone's hand and that person begins to crush it very hard that it breaks into tiny pieces. Yes, it can give you a terrible memory that in a moment of time you promised to yourself not to fall in love again but your damaged heart still hopes that somehow someday you'll find the person who will truly love you for who you are.
Don't get me wrong. I get all the love I want from my family but that romantic love is something I want but too scared to try. Everytime I think about it accidentally, I always try my best to put it aside and push it at the back of my mind not wanting to think about it again. But fate really is a player. He has given me the chance to experience that romantic love, in an instant. A love that woken up my heart from sleeping peacefully. The love that keeps me wanting something and more. The love that lets me feel the feeling of being pursued and always making sure that I'm safe and secured. But like how the others stories goes, it all started with hello and ended up with a goodbye. I ended it, not because I don't want it but because it feels not right. Though he already told me those three magical words I still not believe him. Maybe that's what he felt but I doubted it, because for me it's not love. It's just a mere attraction. An infatuation and not love. I confirmed it after a month the moment I knew that he already is courting someone. For me, that's how fate works. You always have the choice, whether you want to play with your own rules or you end up being played.
How is it to be loved? I always asked myself this question over and over again. The birds chirped in the sky like they understand me and they're answering my question. And as I looked up in the sky, right there and then I already knew the answer I am longing to get. I already experienced it long time ago but obly blinded by my worldly thoughts. Open up your heart to Him and you will find the love you're longing to have. The love that can give you security, satisfaction, and everything, name it and you will have it as long as your heart only seeks for Him.
Job 12:7 (NLT)
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"Just ask the animals, and they will teach you. Ask the birds of the sky, and they will tell you.
Half of the time I've been living my life, I always ask this question not knowing that I already experienced it the moment I opened my eyes from that day I was born. I learned that you can only feel the love you want to feel if you surrender your heart to Him. We loved because He first loved us, that's what the scripture says. Yes, He has given up everything for us to be able to live a life we are living now. He showed us His unconditional love when He carry and died at the cross and cleansed us with his holy blood that flows from mount Calvary. Start seeking Him and surely you'll know how is it to be loved.
