My Bitter Truths About Balance

I have a fantasy of one day having a life where everything is in perfect balance.

I leave quality work, exercise daily, nurture all my relationships, get plenty of sleep, make smart financial decisions, maintain a clean house, make green juices every morning and healthy meals every night, and make plenty of time for fun. and relaxation. And finally I dream of adding children and pets to the equation (without throwing everything off balance, of course).

Intellectually, I know this is unrealistic, but I can't help a small part of me still hoping that this fantasy will come true.

Interested?

I reluctantly realize that as long as I stick to the myth of a perfectly balanced life, I will criticize my ever-present, unstable, messy life a bit and evaluate it as it should be.

So I decided that I needed to take a good hard look at this whole "balance" thing and completely change my mindset. Otherwise, my longing for a perfectly balanced life will forever steal any satisfaction I can feel in my life as it is.

Here are 4 hard truths about balance that I've come to believe:

1. BALANCE IS A FLY FORM OF PERFECTION

On the surface, seeking balance sounds like a worthwhile request. Even the word “balance” evokes a sense of peace, foundation, and moderation. I mean, what could be healthier than wanting more balance in your life?

That's all true… up to a point.

But most of us (including me) imagine that we can balance everything and do it with ease. It seems like being a master juggler who never gets agitated by so many moving parts and certainly never drops one.

This means that if any area of ​​life is disrupted, it upsets the balance of everything else, and then we feel like we've failed in this whole game of balance.

And the truth is, some areas of life are always broken, right? It's like a mole shooter game - as soon as you unravel one area of ​​your life, another goes wrong.

Thus the desire for a perfectly balanced life becomes another way of judging ourselves for not being good enough or having everything.

Thinking of balance as a sneaky form of perfectionism helps me see her sinister underbelly, which makes her less attractive. Because I don't need anything more in my life to make me feel less, thank you very much.

2. YOU CAN HAVE THEM ALL BUT NOT ALL AT THE SAME TIME

The more I think about this idea of ​​a balanced life, the more I realize that I'm looking at it from the short side, when I should be looking at it from the long side.

I've been wanting to have a perfect balance in all areas of my life all at once. That's why the concept of a balanced life sounds so scary.

However, when you try to pay equal attention to all areas of your life at the same time, you see a lot of things half-baked because your attention is constantly divided.

A healthier approach to balance may seem like giving too much TLC to certain aspects of your life—your health, finances, career, or relationships—and letting other areas of your life, temporarily, go on a bit of autopilot knowing that. They will then take their turn.

When I walk away and look at my life from a distance, I realize that I am actually giving quality attention and care to all aspects of my life… just not all at once.

Over the years I have focused on improving all parts of my life, especially the parts that matter most to me. But it is absolutely unreasonable to expect me to pay equal attention to all these aspects of my life at the same time. Also, I wouldn't have made this much progress in any area of ​​my life if I had been distracted.

Which leads me…

3. BALANCE WILL (AND SHOULD LOOK) DIFFERENT AT DIFFERENT PERIODS OF YOUR LIFE

A balanced life as a 21-year-old college student looks very different from that of a 34-year-old working parent with 3 children; this is incredibly different from the 58-year-old who started the study with adult children. retirement opportunities.

This is because balance has everything to do with your priorities. And as these priorities change throughout your life, your definition of balance will evolve with them.

Sometimes your priorities change as a natural side effect of aging or transitioning to a new life stage. But other times, life throws a curveball that dramatically changes your priorities without your consent.

For example, when I had a health crisis a few years ago, my #1 priority was to take care of my body flawlessly. Health has always been important to me to some degree, but during those 6-8 months it was what I structured the rest of my life for.

To other people, my life must have seemed incredible im balanced: I spend the majority of my time doing healthy home cooking, researching and ordering natural supplements, going to holistic doctors and getting plenty of rest to keep stress low. My social life took a hit and I had to cut back on how much work I could do in a week.

But for that stage of my life, it was just the balance I needed according to my priorities at the time.

As my health improved, my priorities were recalibrated and so did my overall life balance.

4. YOUR BALANCE VERSION DOESN'T HAVE TO LOOK LIKE OTHERS

Balance not only looks different at various stages of your life, it also looks incredibly different for each person.

The good thing is, everyone defines the balance themselves.

For you, a balanced life may seem like getting 8 hours of sleep a night, going to yoga class every week, working by your side on the weekends, and having a few social interactions a month.

For your husband, it may seem like taking a long jog most mornings, going to multiple networking events throughout the week, and getting home before 8:00 p.m. every night.

For your sister, this may mean getting all her children to their respective activities on time, finding 5 minutes each day to meditate, and having family dinner at least once a week.

Your version of balance may not seem balanced to anyone else, but who cares? As long as you feel that your life is organized around the things that matter most to you, then it is considered a balanced life, even if no one "understands" it.

And again, your definition of a balanced life can and will change over the years. Balance isn't a "set it and forget it" kind of thing - it will require you to constantly recalibrate and redefine.

So tell me, has the desire for balance turned into perfectionism for you? What is your definition of a new, healthier balance, at least for this period of your life? I'd love to hear any thoughts about your balance, so I hope you share them with me in the comments!