Who am I? Am I the person other people tell me I am? Or am I who I think I am? There are deep questions about ourselves that are hard to answer. The answers to such questions can reach different answers depending on how we see ourselves and how others see us. While the subject we call "I" finds a different definition in our own loneliness, it takes on different appearances in social relations. Relationship and communication have the power to differentiate the self, even at a perceptual level.
Sometimes we are described as blind people who have never had the experience of touching the elephant. It can be compared to a giant fan because of its ears, or to a big tree because of its thick legs. Different people draw different pictures by knowing and recognizing us from different sides. Even if we try to establish a relationship by gathering more than one feature together, someone else looks at us as we were formed in his mind-emotion eye, and establishes his communication with this perspective.
If you're an expert in electronics and computing, it should surprise you that people think you have electronic chips and wires under your skin. If you are an emotional person, there are those who think that you cannot connect a plug to a cable. For many people, a technical person or engineer is someone who cannot understand art. Others may not prefer to talk football with an intellectual-looking person. For example, there is a common belief that women do not understand football. There may be a general impression that serious-looking people will not watch entertainment programs on TV channels. The interesting thing is that in an effort to become an intellectual or political militant, a person does not want to present himself with the appearance of watching an entertainment program or enjoying football, or tries to hide this aspect.
A person may be perceived differently than in society. There may be a lack of perception here. The person may perceive himself differently than he is. Also; Others may describe and recognize the person differently than they actually are. Self (self) differentiation can occur within the individual as well as in the context of society's judgments. Communication and relationship with the individual – right or wrong, complete or incomplete – takes place depending on this perception. Even the inner conversations of the individual with himself are like this.
The self (self) concept is simply what you think and feel about yourself. Our sense of self stems from the relationships we form with others. The people we interact with tell us who we are, who we look like, and how they feel and think about us.
If the self-concept is affected by our environment as well as our own interiority, then it is related to the culture and the community we belong to. The culture we live in tells us what we're capable of, or what it's like to be moral. The community we live in constantly whispers to our ears what is expected of us. When you adopt the behavior and belief system required by the current culture or respond in harmony with the expectations of the community, the perception of yourself begins to form.
It is not possible to live in a system of social and cultural relations and develop a self-structure outside that system. When you differentiate from 'what should be', you begin to feel 'neighborhood pressure'.
I would like to conclude by underlining one point. The self (self) structure of the person is very closely related to the communication and relationship system. When constructing our own self-development or constructing a personal development program, it should be well remembered that we will create our new existence in a ball of relationships.
Self and Relationship
William James (1842-1910) left traces with his work in philosophy and psychology. He is even considered the founder of American psychology. He makes an important determination in his book "Principles of Psychology" published in 1890. He says that the individual has as many different social selves as there are communities that he considers (affected). Although different explanations about the self were introduced in the later developments of psychology, the concept of the "relational self" still maintains its scientific importance. What is the relational self? Relational self refers to the and people with whom the individual is related and affected by caring about who he is.
The individual does not live in social isolation. There are the far and close surroundings, communities, people, discourses, ideologies and beliefs that are directly or indirectly affected. For example, a discourse represented by a dominant political power or a widely accepted belief in the society is effective in the formation and display of one's self. The social and cultural structure of the family affects the self-formation of individuals. In fact, it is known that the children of families with prominent and dominant characteristics start to acquire a different structure by adapting to the new environment they are in when they leave the family for educational or business purposes. (I remember well that I observed the self-changes of young people who had a teacher-student relationship from the first year to the last year when I taught at the university.) The subject of corporate culture in the workplace is also a part of the relational self-building process, from the behavior model of the boss or manager to corporate documents.
There are many examples of relational environments that affect the formation of self in literature or cinema. The most well-known of such fictional stories is the situation observed in the first appearance of Tarzan, the King of the Woods. As known; Raised by monkeys, Tarzan initially perceives himself as a monkey. The environment and culture (concrete and abstract relations here) that affect the individual are primarily effective in the formation of his/her self.
You know profile concepts such as leader, line leader. We compare ourselves with the people we take as an example. We want to cook as well as a mother, be a manager as successful as a father, have a successful education like an older sister, be as rich as Bill Gates or be famous as Madonna. We compare the characteristics of these people, who are far or near, with those in ourselves (or what we attribute to ourselves). These comparisons are not limited to individuals. Cartoon heroes, characters portrayed in movies, even dolls like Barbie become objects of comparison for the individual. (Have you noticed how many live Barbie dolls or Jack from the Magnificent Century TV series are around?) In summary; The comparisons we make between the subject and objects in the external environment and ourselves are also effective in the formation of the relational self.
After the birth of the baby, the name is whispered into his ear three times accompanied by prayers. Some beliefs have rituals in which objects related to tasks to be accomplished are placed on the baby's bed. Although the baby is not aware of these, a mission and vision that the adults have reaped for the baby is ready. In later childhood and youth years, what the individual should do and achieve is verbally expressed. After all; The self-profile that you think about yourself (which you attribute to yourself, which creates your self-perception) is largely related to what you are told, encouragement and attribution behaviors towards you. Namely; With advancing age, the circumference of the individual expands. It monitors new profiles (their discourse and behavior) with which it will compare itself. In this complex tangle of relationships, they form a sense of self (self) as a result of their experiences.
All of what I have summarized above shows that; "Who am I?" Apart from our own existence, our relationships and connections are largely effective in the formation of the answer to the question. This once again emphasizes the importance of the far and near environment for social change and personal development. So; It is not possible to get rid of neighborhood pressure without changing the neighborhood itself.