Last night I was laying in bed contemplating all that is going on in my life and how I have such countless things in-flight, things I need to do and have begun yet haven't wrapped up.
I need to get Miter ATT&CK confirmed, which is a network protection system. I paid the $300 yearly membership to get limitless admittance to the tests expected to procure the affirmation. I've taken and passed two of them up until now, yet the last time I attempted the third test, I fizzled. Also, I've bombed it twice up until this point.
I bombed it even in the wake of watching the instructional class on it a subsequent time and taking considerably more top to bottom notes. I know toward the rear of my brain I'm trying not to test for that equivalent area again on the grounds that I simply don't have any desire to bomb it… once more.
The second thing on my extensive rundown of things I need to do is to wrap up
TryHackMe's Beginner Path of active online protection preparing. I began on TryHackMe very nearly a year prior and afterward had some time off from it while I was occupied with my lord's program.
Being that I'm on a break from my certificate program until the finish of October now however, I recharged my membership and picked it back up half a month prior. In the initial not many weeks I felt persuaded once more, I was eager to acquire new involved abilities and I solve two problems at once on the grounds that the difficulties I work on are usually incredible substance for Dark Roast Security, my network protection distribution.
Presently? I take a gander at a portion of the difficulties, perceive the amount I have passed on to go on the Beginner Path, and wish I should simply be possible with it as of now. Furthermore, I realize this certainly isn't the right demeanor to have on the grounds that something ought to be entertaining! I believe I'm subliminally trying not to sign in until I really want to.
So those are two things that have been on my plan for the day that I'm persistently staying away from. Yet, why? For what reason am I so unmotivated of late? I've been on a break from school for barely fourteen days now and have quite a lot more spare energy. I ought to be squashing this crap, yet I'm doing the inverse.
I’m probably not giving myself enough credit. I tend to do that a lot. I’ve had a busy month, my weekends filled with prior commitments, and the next two weekends are booked up too.
Low-key looking forward to Fall because the colder weather means more weekends spent cozied up inside with my laptop.
Anyway. My weeks go by in a blur, wake up, sip coffee, catch up on blog stuff, check the social medias and promote my recent articles, and then it’s time for work.
Some days I hit the gym at lunch, others after the workday, but either way the pressure weighs on me to make sure I have something to eat for dinner.
Do I have any leftovers to eat or do I have to whip something up?
Some days, if I have the energy, I’ll do some TryHackMe challenges or work on an article at night with one of my shows on in the background. More recently though, I’ve been too tired to do that and I just veg on the couch until nine or 10 o’clock.
Then it's off to bed to do it all over the next day.
I know I’m not the only one with a busy work week, but more recently it’s felt so monotonous. I think my problem is I’m putting so much pressure on myself to finish the TryHackMe challenges and get that certification I’ve been wanting for months, but for what?
Why am I rushing?
As I write this, I know I just need a mental break. And this story is one of my ways of coming to terms with that. I hate to think I need a break because then I just consider all the wasted time that could be spent getting things done, learning something new, moving the ball forward on one of the many things on my to-do list.
My problem is I never realize how stressed I am until I get to this point, where I’m just tired and don’t want to do anything.
I need to give myself some credit though. I’ve been running three publications, promoting my work on social media, and I’ve recently taken on a position on the board of a non-profit I’m a member of, Women Of Security.
The last board resigned very suddenly and others needed to step up or the organization would’ve basically gone to shit. Me being me, I decided I could handle it and volunteered to join the board. I saw it as a great opportunity for me to gain some leadership experience and I don’t regret it one bit.
But, I will say it’s added a good deal of work to my plate. Not that that’s a bad thing, but it’s probably one of the reasons I’m lacking the motivation to do my TryHackMe stuff or write more articles.
Just this morning I was looking at my stats and realized I’ve only written three articles this month, soon to be four. That’s probably the lowest monthly count since I started writing! At first, I was a bit disappointed in myself at that, but then I mentally slapped myself and said I’m doing my best, I have a lot on my plate.
Again, typical me selling myself short, not giving myself credit for everything I do from day to day.
So, all this, this entire journal entry, to come to terms with the fact that I’m overwhelmed and need to remember it’s okay to give myself time to relax. I don’t always have to be doing something. I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself to finish the things I have in flight.
While I know I can’t start new things until those two items are done, I also know forcing myself to finish these optional learning activities isn’t going to help me either. Keyword being optional.
Not to mention, it’s things I’m doing to further develop my cybersecurity skillset, so why would I be okay with half-assing that? There will be no settling for just getting it done here. I know once I get out of this funk I’ll be back and better than ever.
Motivated to learn and excited to pump out more blog content.
For now though, I’ll try to give myself a break and only do as much as I want. After all, this journal entry flowed out of my fingertips much quicker and easier than one of my other drafts would’ve.
Sometimes you just have to remember it’s okay to go with the flow. It’s okay to avoid some responsibilities, especially self-inflicted ones if it means prioritizing your mental health.
