@iyanpol12 2 August 2021 more from that month

I Decided to Forgive

Last February, my cousin finally got married. The wedding is supposed to be held a year ago but due to COVID-19, they postponed the wedding a number of times. Weddings are supposed to be a special moment but sadly, not for my cousin. His parents didn't attend the wedding because they didn't like the woman he's getting married with. It's as if he was disowned by his parents for his decision. First of all, he is already of age. The reason why they don't like the woman because of what she did in distant past. She's already a changed person. They hated her more because she befriended our *relatives* whom they have a never-ending bad blood with. Forgiveness and humility may have ended the rift but it seems there's so much animosity. Well, I might wanted to have close relationship with my relatives but it's never easy. Those people you expect to be your stronghold might be the cause of your downfall. I also had issues with the *relatives* mentioned above. Their real color manifested when my mother decided to include them as business partners. Eventually, they plotted something to reduce the shares of my mother, which led to a decision to leave the business. The decision severed their ties, and those *relatives* even influenced my other uncles who are also part of the business. It felt as if they disowned my mother during a period when she's often ill. The stress brought about by the events has extremely affected her. She wakes up in the middle of the night (or probably dawn) crying. Never had she expected that her relationship with her siblings will have a crack. Aside from what they did to my mom, they're spreading gossips and slandering about my mom, some of my siblings, and even me. Still, we tried our best to be diplomatic, and not showing any ill feelings towards them.

My Mother's Health, and Cancer Diagnosis When my mother's health is failing nobody among her siblings came to visit except their youngest. They even discussed to mend their fences, which everyone agreed. However, even their shadows are unseen to pay a visit on her. She was diagnosed with cancer, and weeks after the diagnosis, my mother wanted to see her siblings. If we haven't told them her state, they might haven't come to see her. I used to think of forgiveness then, but resentment has grown when my mother died. The crack of our ties with our relatives seemed irreparable especially after some situations which they're putting some blame on us. They did not even respect my father too. Father's Death Few years after my mother's death, my father became ill. He also became the victim if their lies and gossip. Those gossips deepened my resentment towards them, running in my head while in the hospital where he passed away. I never approached them during my father's wake and funeral because of their hypocrisy showing up while the other side of their face says otherwise.

Despite what they did to us, I tried my best to be diplomatic even with the grudge towards them. We're still connected to them because of the business which my mom has established. But I couldn't bear dealing with them anymore until I decided to cut my ties with them by leaving the business to them. Besides, it's not profitable anymore. Neither did I have contact with them nor associated with them for years. As years passed, the resentment I had toward them is started to fall off. There are instances that I see them in places, I greeted them and they greeted back. The pain and grudge I had towards them doesn't control me anymore. Forgiveness. . . This is what I decided to do. If the ill feelings doesn't exist in me anymore, why not forgive? It actually gave me more peace. In fact, on my wedding last June, I had chosen my cousin (whom I had a history of resentment with, along with her mom) to be the director of the feast. I never heard their apologies but time really heals on my end. Of course, there are thoughts that they might say negative about me or my family behind our back, but I don't care about it anymore. I have an aunt who approached my mother in law a a year before my wedding. That aunt has been looking down at me, that I don't have an offline or day job. My mother in law refused to name that person, and I didn't force her to tell me. I'd rather have peace not knowing that person. As a person battling mental illness, it will be a less burden to ignore them. The reason why I decided to forgive is the peace it will bring to me. Living in resentment costs so much energy, and time thinking about negative things towards them. It will only take its toll on my health, and I decided to be at peace and happiness. I am not saying everyone should forgive. It is everyone's choice to forgive, and that's what I had chose to do.