She's unwell. The doctor didn't even give the right diagnosis why she's not recovering from her illness. Coughing most of the time, and her heart is working. Regular health checkup for more than two years. The cough is claimed as not viral, while the pain in her back was initially misdiagnosed as osteoporosis. The diagnosis was based from the deformation seen from the result of her spinal X-Ray.
Different kinds of vitamins she's taken to strengthen her bone. But that's not enough, she gets tired easily that walking seems a difficult task for her. It may be her heart isn't functioning well so she was brought to a cardiologist. ECG or angiogram are the tests recommended yet she's having second thoughts whether to take those tests because of the costs.
Regarding the pain in her back, her original doctor suggested to undergo MRI, but body movements can affect the result of the test, so it's important that her cough would be cured. I've been wondering why it was merely considered as a cough. Her lungs at that time shows it's clear of any virus that's possibly causing the cough, based from X-ray result.
The diagnosis of the pain at her back was changed to osteoarthritis (from osteoporosis) because of extreme pain. On her check-up schedule, she went home with a bad mood. Asked her about the result, she's terribly sad that one of her lungs has collapsed causing her cough. I was shocked, and worried about what will happen next. Diagnosis is unclear. I kept thinking what test should be done to give the right diagnosis.
Supposedly a rest time. She's already in her bed as she stopped watching dramas on TV, which she's used to. Suddenly, there's a commotion upstairs and my feet took me to the stairs. She'll be brought to the hospital, catching her breath, it's not an ordinary attack of asthma. Prior events, she's regularly getting nebulized.
I can't sleep waiting for updates. Worries and anxieties intensify whenever updates are vague. All I want to hear is good news, which we are deprived of for several months. My eyes began to close as I type on my phone with physical keypad with gibberish words that the recipient can't understand.
Head is heavy in the morning due to lack of sleep. I wanted to go to the hospital but I have to attend to her business to make sure things are okay during her absence. Doing the chores she can't do anymore by going to the market and buy our necessities, and cooking for our meal.
This woman is my mother. The one that I loved so dearly. Losing her is losing a big part of my life.
The updates that I got is the tests she had gone through. At night when my sister and brothers got home, she talked to us about our mother's current state. She asked to keep praying on our mother. A lump on her neck was removed which would be due for biopsy, and she'll undergo CT Scan the next day. At last! The doctor finally knew what tests that needs to be done.
The possibility of cancer didn't get me to sleep that night. Negative thoughts triggered my anxiety while trying to be positive at the same time. It's really hard living in such thoughts. Life is heading us to the path that I never wanted to walk in. Big changes, and I don't want to jump in. Feeling like a robot that I don't have a choice.
I tried to focus on my mother's business as we deliver the goods to a supermarket. I'm out of my mind. Trying to find the right comfort. Someone attempted to give comfort but it felt insincere.
Waited for that night to know the result. No message received on my mother's condition, and what is keeping her sick. My sister finally got home, and told us the bad news. It was confirmed it is cancer. My world turned upside down but I didn't cry in disbelief. Am I just dreaming? I am wide awake but it feels like it is. Or I'd rather go to sleep, and wake up the news isn't true.
It took hours until I fall asleep. I woke up with so much negative thoughts, and there I cried while in my mother's bed. Got out of the room when I felt better. I saw my brother in silence and deep sadness. How can I comfort someone when we're in the same boat? He has his wife there to give her comfort while I headed to my room and cry again.
It was 14 years ago, and yet, the emotions remain...
Thank you for reading, and huge thanks to my sponsors below:
ohh.. napakasit talaga sir ... nakakaiyak while binabasa ko tong article mo.. para bang nadala ako sa mga nasabi mo dito.. mahirap talaga makita ang mahal mo sa buhay na ganito...