The People of Seattle

The people of Seattle were always getting rained on. This was obviously a big problem- rain made their clothes wet and cold, sometimes for hours. They could dry themselves eventually and change their clothes, but this required time and effort, and it did not spare them the unpleasantness of being wet. They came up with the solution of carrying umbrellas everywhere, even on sunny days.

(Here the reader can tell that the story is fiction, because actual Seattleites never carry umbrellas, but we will suspend our disbelief.)

Umbrellas kept the people of Seattle safe from the rain, but the mere thought of getting wet and being cold became so unbearable that the sight of a person without an umbrella provoked a feeling of fear. The city council decided to pass a law mandating that everyone in Seattle must carry an umbrella if they wanted to venture into public spaces.

Of course, there were irresponsible people who refused to carry umbrellas at all. In their ignorance and foolishness, they were unafraid of getting rained on. Their lack of fear was clearly a threat to the city as a whole.

"What do you care what happens to me?" the irresponsible ones asked. "As long as you have your umbrella, you can stay as dry as you like, and leave me to be as wet or as dry as I please." Such was the depth of their stupidity.

The majority of Seattleites, wise and prudent, wanted to pass a law requiring everyone to carry umbrellas at all times. This was the only way to avoid the misery of getting rained on. Who would oppose such a logical solution to a pressing problem? But the people without umbrellas objected. They claimed that the umbrella manufacturers were not always careful in the construction of the umbrellas. In fact, some of these faulty umbrellas were so poorly manufactured (allegedly) that when one tried to open them, the metal ribs of the umbrellas could poke the users in the eye! These people were so ignorant in the workings of umbrellas that many of them claimed that they had been blinded by their umbrellas, and were even reckless enough to suggest that this was a common occurrence!

The umbrella manufacturers responded, logically, while it might seem that one had lost their sight after opening an umbrella, this was just an obvious ploy being used by people who were blind to begin with. The blind were trying to profit unjustly from the hard work of those doing the important work of selling umbrellas.

Eventually a great dispute arose between those with umbrellas and those without. The umbrella people taunted their opponents, labeling them "anti-umbrella." The people without umbrellas were too dense to recognize this logic. From their own deluded point of view, they claimed they were against getting poked in the eye.