@immaryandmerry 20 April 2021 more from that month

just a little walk from the past till now

Ever **since I was a kid**, even before I went to school, my sister will always ask my mom to bring me to their house so that I could spend my vacation there. And I always approve of it because I love to stay with them, they have lots of foods. Haha Until I got older, that became the situation. All my summer vacations were spent with my sister's family. That's why most of my childhood were spent with them. Ate and Kuya became like my parents. I really did enjoy staying with them but as I was getting older, Kuya is becoming stricter and stricter. I must say that he's quite a disciplinarian, we've got so many house rules, and he's starting to give me tasks at home from cleaning, to washing dishes, cooking rice, and all those basic household chores. **As a kid, of course I feel like I was being punished**. All I want is to play back then, but I have things to do. And honestly, I started to be scared with him because I was always being scolded from time to time. He's also strict when it comes to food, ever since a kid I don't really like vegetables but with him, I only have two choices. It's either I got the veggies myself or he's the one who'll put so many veggies on my plate. As I remember it, it's funny how I can imagine myself always wanting to cry everytime he's making me eat those veggies. But me, being the scared cat was always fighting the urge not to cry and not to vomit the food because I know what will happen next if I do that. I really have a lot of memories with my brother in law on my younger years. Honestly, **i'm a bit spoiled** with my family because i'm the youngest child. My mom spoils me, and even all my siblings spoils me. Maybe I was a spoiled kid partly because my dad died when I was still young and my family just want to give me all the love they can give me. But me being the spoiled kid won't work with my brother in law eh. With him, I have to do this and that. Back then, I don't really appreciate him. It was just these days that I started appreciating all of the things that he's done for me since I was young. **As I was looking back, I can see that he truly cares about me.** Honestly, he's one of my father figure growing up. This memory suddenly pops up in my mind earlier, there was this time at night, where we were watching a movie on a portable DVD, when I started to feel such a massive headache and I feel so cold. I didn't even know that I was sick back then and i'm even scared to tell them that i'm hurting. Few minutes later, maybe they noticed that i'm a bit shaking so that's the time when they know that i'm sick. Brother, even late at night hurried up to the nearest drug store to buy medicine for me. There's also this time when I have a cough. They are busy managing the store back then while me on the other hand were left at home. What he does back then, he's going home twice a day so that he could make me drink my medicine. He does that until my cough was gone.

Until my **teenage years** I still spend my vacation with them. On these years, more tasks were given to me. These are also the years when I started helping on their business. I go with them at the store during these years unlike when I was still so young that I was just left at home. These years were also the years that the gap between me and my brother in law become larger and larger. **I've grown distant with him** because I fear him. When I look into him back then, I only see him as someone who's always asking me to do things, who's always scolding me and **the one whom I fear the most.** I was so scared to made a mistake back then. Every task he's making me do seems to be so hard because **I am obeying out of fear.** There are also the years which I think he treats me the hardest. But then, these are also the years when **I felt him reaching out everytime he'll try to call me bunso** *(it's how they called the youngest child in Filipino).* There is nothing much that happened on my teenage years with them aside that it's the time where I had such a hard time the most. Maybe because I am too young and stubborn to understand the real purpose on why he's doing it to me. On these years, **I totally felt like everything was a punishment.**

**It was when before I study for Senior High School when I permanently moved in with them.** When I have tough times before, those times doubled this time since I was with them everyday of my life unlike before that it's only for 2 months. It was honestly so hard when you are living with another's family. I mean, they are family, but living with my mom was just so different since I was nurtured the most when i'm with her. There are times when I just wanted to go out of their custody and just go home to my mom. Things get tougher, but as days, weeks, months and years passed by, I've come to my senses and I just realized how his way of disciplining me have so much contribution on what kind of a person I am right now. *If not for him maybe i'm still that spoiled kid who doesn't know to do a thing.* *Right now, our relationship is getting tighter. I can now stand being with him and just having a normal conversation with him.* *I now obey him out of respect, not out of fear.* *I feel like he's also adjusting and he's also making an effort for us to be closer.* *He's not the sweetest but he just have his own style of showing how he cares.* *I appreciate all the pat in the head as his way of saying sorry whenever he's gone overboard on scolding me.* *I appreciate all the times when he's asking me for what pasalubong (souvenir) I want whenever they are going somewhere.* *I appreciate him asking me what I want on my birthdays. I appreciate how he bought foods to celebrate my graduation.* *I started appreciating all the big and small things that he;s doing for me now that my mind is mature enough to understand and not to get clouded by emotions.* *He still scolds me sometimes but I don't get offended anymore. I don't feel being punished anymore, specially when I know that i'm the one at fault.* *What I appreciate the most from him is that he also cares for my whole family, actually even our whole clan. All of the members of our family loves and adores him. I remember all the Christmas celebrations where we go home to our hometown and he's got gifts ready for all of my siblings, brothers and sisters in law, nieces and nephews, even to my cousins, and to my aunt and uncles.* *He really cares even to all of my relatives.* It's fun reminiscing all my memories with my brother in law. He's not perfect I know, but he's a big part of my life and i'll always be thankful for him. Anyway, i'm just writing this one because I made a mistake earlier, I know i'm at fault and I admit that, so I was really expecting all his scoldings once he got home but then, I really wanna cry when he didn't get mad at me. At that moment I don't know but memories just came down rushing that's why I wrote it down. So I guess, I have to end it already. I've got a lot of realizations today. But still, I won't make him read this because I might die out of embarrassment. Lol I must say, our relationship isn't perfect but we have this **special kind of bond.** I am just so grateful to have him as a family. ***I hope you enjoyed this little walk with me to my past until now.*** ***Till next time. =)***