Midnight Thoughts

It's already midnight now so it's literally my midnight thoughts.

In this article, I just want to let my thoughts out, that is running through my mind every midnight.

Honestly, sleeping past midnight has been my normal sleeping time for how many years now. However, just last week, I have been having trouble sleeping.

Before, I get to sleep around 12 am-1 am but now, 3 am seems so early for me to sleep already. I don't know why I can't sleep.

I searched on the internet about insomnia and what I am experiencing matched the symptoms that was stated in there but I don't want to self-diagnosed because i'm not a physician to do that.

As I type this article, I keep on asking myself, what keeps me awake during this hour?

I don't even know how to answer my first properly but maybe because i'm awake because I have so many thoughts. I have always something to think of. From school works, house duties, family, future plans, and most of the time, my observations around me. Sometimes I love that i'm a keen observer because I can see something that others are not seeing but I hate it sometimes because I just can't help it but to notice even a single detail. And when I noticed something, I just can't help myself but to think and wonder about it.

This article is probably nothing and I don't know if this will be worthwhile to read but I just really want to pour all of these thoughts of mine, hoping that after this, i'll be able to sleep peacefully and soundly even just for tonight.

So here are the thoughts that's keeping me from sleeping:

1. School Works

Because I can't really sleep during the whole past week, I have not been so productive since Monday. I can't sleep during the night so I got so sleepy during the day. So i'll sleep in the morning, wake up on the afternoon so that I can start my school works and requirements but I can't seem to know anything.

I don't know where to start. I am trying hard to be productive. I have been making my schedule. To do lists and all that but these days, it's getting harder and harder for me to accomplish. Which is unusual because before, when I do my to do list, I always finish everything within the day. But now, honestly, I don't know what i'm doing.

I were able to finish some tasks but school requirements piling up after one another is really frustrating. It just won't stop coming. I just did one, and here comes another three. The process is tiring and studying online is not really helping because we have to study everything for ourselves.

1. School Responsibilities

As some of you might now, I am the the class beadle, or the president of our block so I really have a lot on my shoulder. We are more than 60 students on our class and everyday, at least 20%-50% of them messages me because they have concerns on our subjects, on our professors, on our requirements, and sometimes, even their personal concerns.

Ever since I have a heart for service and student leadership but lately, I think it is just too much. Because of the online class, my responsibility as the president doubles compared to face to face classes when our professors can speak directly to all of us. But now, everything has to come to me. Every messages will be delivered through me and my block mates concerns are just unending for me to handle.

This is no big deal before but maybe I am just feeling too tired lately because of my lack of sleep.

1. Household Chores

This is so easy to do. These are just simple tasks but for some reason, these has been challenging for me since the classes started.

During weekdays, it is just me, my 9th grade niece and nephew, and my other niece that is on 5th grade that was left on our house because we all have our online classes and modules. While the adults are always at our store to work and to manage our business.

So being the eldest in the house, I got to take care of the kids. And they are just so stressful.

During lunch, they are just so hard to be called when we were about to eat. My nephew is always sleeping on his room, and he is really hard to wake up. My 5th grade niece don't want to be disturbed on what she is doing and from what I know, she's just playing Minecraft or watching on Youtube.

My other niece that is on 9th grade is so busy studying.

And since it is so tiring to call them one by one for I have to go upstairs and knock on their rooms, I just created a group chat of us on messenger so that i'll just need to message them during lunch time.

But really, they are giving me so much stress because when I call them for lunch at 11:30 am, they will go to the dining table at 1 pm, then they will be done eating at 2 pm.

At 4 pm, my mind is set off to do other household chores such as washing the dishes, cleaning the house and watering the plants. I need to do all that before 5 pm because at 5 pm, that's when the elders in the house go home from work and they want the house clean as they go home.

1. Future Plans

Since I wasn't actually taking my first choice as my course, I can't help but wonder sometimes on what will happen to my future after I finished this course.

I keep thinking if this is the right course for me. If i'll be able to get a nice job after I graduate.

There are so many what ifs that I can't think of and it will take me forever to list all of them here so let's skip that for now.

1. Observations

This is what I get on my surrounding, on the news and just literally everywhere.

This is so weird of me. Sometimes, i'm thinking on the laws that the government is implementing. I'm criticizing some politicians. I am angry about the crimes and injustice in the country. I'm thinking about corruptions. In short, i'm thinking on a;l of the issues in our country or sometimes, even outside the country.

-

Now that I listed some of the things that I am thinking, I realized that it's a lot that's why just thinking of all of them can make me so tired.

Anyway, now that I let everything out, just like what I've said, may this be a way for me to finally sleep at night.

I really wish that i'll be able to shut down my brain, even just for a while, let it rest so that tomorrow, it'll be fresh.

I hope to have a good night sleep tonight so that tomorrow, i'll be able to back on my productive self minus all these thoughts and stress that is continuously bugging me.

Let's rest now people. We earned it and we deserve it.