I was excited about a guy i met in an app

It was a few years ago that through an anonymous chat app, I met this college boy that I really liked.

We used to role-play romantic stories all the time and simultaneously talk about our life.

It will sound silly that at only 14 years old I fell in love with a 21-year-old, but I felt that he was really different. He listened to me, advised me and opened up to me.

Inwardly I always envied his free and unbridled way of seeing life, a fact that due to my rigidity at that time I could not understand.

I remember that I was very excited to imagine that I knew his family that he told me so much about... His mother, his younger sisters and his grandparents.

I dreamed that one day he would feel as much passion for me as I felt for him.

It really hurt the day he told me about his girlfriend Sara… And even though it made me happy that he had someone by his side, my immaturity didn't allow me to understand it as it should be.

I remember calling her a bad name and getting really angry about the situation, which I wouldn't have done today.

Sometimes I think that if fate had brought us together a little later... If I had a little more maturity, everything would have worked out.

The madness of calling his attention led me to give him a great detail.
Since he wouldn't let me contact him through other, more personal means, I decided to create a novel about our "impossible future" and upload it to a website where I fed the story monthly.

I also remember telling him my plans… I dreamed of throwing a huge party when I was of age and inviting him to party with me (even though we lived in different countries).

It was so months later he confessed his love for me. And geez… Those few days made me feel like the happiest woman in the entire universe.

I remember sharing with you more intimately my dreams, triumphs and hopes; What he didn't expect is that after that impossible event he began to fade in front of me.

Everything changed when we argued in the midst of a pandemic... Again because of my closed mind at that time and my immaturity.

He told me that he had declared his love for me to stop harassing and pressuring him for which I felt too guilty.

After all, it had all been an ingenious lie.

After the discussion I remember that he never responded again.

How good a stalker she was, I managed to contact her sister through the app where she uploaded the novel and she confessed to me that after the fight she had had a fit of rage and had damaged the phone in addition to hitting herself.

Those days without him were extremely painful, as I knew that incident had my name and surname on it.

He finally contacted me telling me about his generalized obsessive disorder, which caused him to have fits of rage.

I wanted to help him, but I had already screwed up too much.

I remember that he deleted me from the app and I couldn't have contact with him or his sister again.

After his departure I remember being sunk in my pain for three months with no one to tell.

Although being honest, he deserved that pain.

The only thing I had left of that wonderful man was a playlist of songs that he gave me the day he "proposed to me."

During this time I have not been able to listen to it completely, because of the feeling it causes in me. Sometimes I don't know if those lyrics are true or were a cover for his fake love for me.

The only thing I can do now is wish him luck with his girlfriend, apologize for my behavior back then and be able to erase him from my head forever.

Every six months I usually leave a message for him in my novel or write to his sister… But there is never an answer.

The good thing about this story is that it taught me to understand my mistakes and accept them.