Can You Love Yourself on the Journey of Love?
Every man creates his own hell and falls in love with it. He changes the definition of love so that it is possible for him to remain in the suffering. Now the name of love is "**addiction**" for him.
He says "**love**" that he is addicted, that he is connected with hunger and inner deprivation. Rather than love, it is the bright red flame of hell. It is a satiation and a desperate desire to fill the void within.
Love is independent. It is independent of people and situations. The undefined formless flowing through everything is that which you cannot pull anywhere, that you cannot use for a purpose. Love is that which exists independently of you and everything else. He is free, he is free.
Those who are scorched in their own hell cannot cope with love. They are eager to connect it to a situation, to a person, to take it from something, from outside. That is, they are those who seek love in form and have opened the door of the endless corridor.
You cannot touch "true love" without reaching a free mind and approaching real acceptance.
Because only a free mind is convinced of the existence of a formless reality.
A mind attached to stereotypes, traumas, identities, agendas, and governed by these, needs to shape, define and dominate love. He is incapable of seeing it as it is. It manipulates by passing it through its own filters. This manipulation is often attributed to people, situations.
You think that person gave love to you. You think that you can experience love in that environment. You believe that what makes it possible for you is out there, and that's exactly why you miss!
Love is not suffering, it is a way of being.
Independent of everything and everyone.
Just like you.
When you are independent of everything and everyone, you become love. Shapeless, unpredictable, unmanageable, circumstantial, you become "you".
Your existence is no longer dependent on the feelings and thoughts of others, you just exist. It has no adjective and or contains all of the infinite adjectives at the same time.
Without separation, without separation.
Defining your own hell, making it visible often comes with a feeling of "shame". There are lots of tools out there that you don't know how to use. You have anger, you have vulnerability, you have love, you have pain. And the fear and worry of their being visible makes you more dependent on your own hell.
You say you don't go out, let it burn. Your self-judgment for your outgoings triggers shame in you. You don't know where to hide. That's why you never open the lid of that hell, until it becomes unbearable, until you burst yourself with your own pressure.
The question is: Do you need to hurt yourself? Squeeze yourself until you shatter?
And beliefs, and reason. He attributes this explosion state to a power other than himself. Sometimes to God, sometimes to the being in front of you, sometimes to the unknown destiny. Again, it is not from you, you have received your help, punishment, account from an external mind, source.
However, freedom comes with responsibility. If you are ignoring your own hell, if you are not consciously working to transform it, then you are not taking responsibility for your life. It means you own what's yours.
A young man and an old man were sitting by the beach,
The young man asked the old man,
"What do you think a young person should do in life"
The old man answered without hesitation;
"Must read and work for success in school"
Young
"Well life, what is the key to success in life"
The old man stood and stared at the sea.
"Neither studying, working or trying is insufficient for success in life, there is no such thing as success in life, there is only luck and bad luck in life.
While studying, it is in his hands whether or not he takes the lessons first in a school, if he works, he can pass the exam.
But life is cruel, you take the test first and you learn your lesson. That's why I need luck in life.
Can you distinguish your own child, the being you gave birth to, the being you gave birth to? Can you ignore some of its features and states and prune it like a tree? Can you lock her in a room and hide it forever, just because she has things you "don't like" about her? Will you hold him captive? Will you stop loving him?
Our children teach us to love and accept no matter what. To be able to see the whole and how to balance that whole... To accept the formlessness.
Can you do the same for yourself?
Can you love as it is? Can you accept it as it is? Will you put aside the shame and let him live what he is?
If your answer is yes, you will become a love traveler, my friend. You become the "human" being who intended to be love itself.
For this, you become a fish in the flowing water, which does not need condition, comparison, form, and has the courage to exist like yourself. You go and you flow. You are on your way. It is you. You are on the course of your own path, in the euphoria of your own life.
Independent and free.
Accept that worry is a normal emotion!
How are you these days? How do you feel because of the pandemic process we have been facing for months? The pandemic, which we have seen negative effects in many areas of our lives, has also negatively affected our psychological health. The negative effects of the pandemic have been the subject of research in many countries.
One of these studies points out that the pandemic causes anxiety, helplessness and fear in people. In another study conducted in China, the psychological effects of the epidemic on individuals were examined in 1210 participants living in different cities of China at the end of January and the beginning of February. It was determined that moderate to severe anxiety symptoms and 8.1% of them showed moderate to severe stress symptoms. Uncertainty of the process, health anxiety, constant exposure to correct and/or incorrect information in the media and social media, and the risk of people they love are shown to be among the reasons for the fears arising in the Covid-19 Outbreak. So what can we do to protect our psychology from the effects of the pandemic?
We can start by accepting that the anxiety we feel during this process is a perfectly normal emotion. It should not be forgotten that all our emotions have a function. The anxiety we feel can act as a shield to protect us from the virus, as long as it is in dose. If we didn't have a feeling like anxiety, we would probably have a more ignorant attitude towards the virus. Perhaps because of this attitude, we would increase our risk of contracting the virus. Yes, our anxiety can protect us, but the important thing here is that we have a decent level of anxiety. If the anxiety you feel is too much for you and prevents you from living your life, do not neglect to seek psychological support.
A study has suggested that those who have a forest or park view at home are less affected by the psychological negativities caused by the pandemic. As a result of the online survey study conducted with 3000 people in Tokyo, it was revealed that the participants with a green landscape had higher subjective happiness and life satisfaction levels, and less depression and loneliness levels. All of these were associated with the participants having a green landscape.
So what will you do if you don't have such a view at home? A study published in Scientific Reports revealed the positive effects of spending at least 120 minutes a week in the park, in the forest or on the beach depending on the season, on our physical and mental health (White et al. 2019). In order to experience the positive effects of trees and walking on our soul, you can spend time in your favorite parks in your city for at least 120 minutes a week, wearing your masks and following the social distance rules.
Make time for your spiritual care each day.
If you have been following my articles for a long time, you may have noticed that I often talk about the importance of our spiritual care. Allocating time to our spiritual care every day, whether there is a pandemic or not, is a very important issue in stress management. During this period we are going through, taking time for your spiritual care such as toothbrushing every day will help you reduce your stress level due to the pandemic. Spiritually, I mean doing activities that are good for your soul every day. For some it may be exercise, for some listening to music, for others meditating. The choice is yours. As long as you regularly set aside time for an activity that is good for you every day.
You would swallow lies with pleasure, as long as it satisfies your ego. When you were at the top, you never thought you'd fall into the abyss. You were an emotional usurer, an intelligent but boisterous person like the devil.
One day you looked around with your curious brown eyes. Your right eye was twitching frequently. Maybe you took a deep breath of air in case it was good. It didn't. You rubbed your eyes with your hands. Same. There was fog. A drunk was coming staggering. A beggar in ragged clothes, which disgusted the minister, asked him for alms from it.
You were excited, and also full of enthusiasm. However, you tried to appear calm. Could a person who could not contain his anger be able to do this? Maybe. It could also be that you suddenly felt a great peace inside, you were happy in those moments. You couldn't explain this situation to yourself or to others, so you couldn't find the words to say. Sometimes you would try to observe yourself. What kind of person were you, what were you doing and how were you doing it? Did you have any fears or hopes? Did your attitude towards people satisfy you?
Of course, the negative effects of the pandemic on our psychology and the measures we need to take to protect our psychology are too deep to fit in this article. Take my suggestions as a small start to feel better. Yes, the pandemic has affected people all over the world, and continues to do so. Some of us lost their relatives, some of us went through long treatment processes because of the virus. We are all going through a difficult time, but we must stay as strong as we can mentally and physically during this period. For this, we should pay attention to both our mental and physical care during the day. I wish all of us healthy days.
Forgiveness is the Way to Inner Freedom
The necessity of forgiveness and its positive effects on us are now known and accepted by everyone. Forgiveness liberates people and allows them to breathe easily. However, putting it into practice is not always as easy as saying it. It can even be the hardest decision we have ever made in our lives.
There are many factors that hinder forgiveness in front of it. The bad and inappropriate behaviors we have been exposed to, the injustice we have suffered, the disappointments we have experienced, and most importantly, the person we will forgive stands upright as an obstacle to forgiveness. At this point, “How will I forgive?”, “If I forgive, will I experience the same things again?”, “What will happen if I forgive?” Questions like these start to circulate in our minds. This makes the decision process more difficult.
Another obstacle to forgiveness is the meanings we attach to it. Sometimes we attribute this meaning to it personally, and sometimes the society itself. These meanings we attach to it, our interpretation of forgiveness in a very different way than it really is, makes it difficult to forgive. In order to remove these obstacles, we need to see and realize what forgiveness is not, perhaps more so than knowing the necessity of forgiveness.
Forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgiveness is not ignoring what is, ignoring it, approving it. It is never naivety, powerlessness, submission, reconciliation with that person. Forgiveness does not make up for the wrong done. Forgiveness is accepting the existence of the wrong done and removing its bad effects on us. It is not allowing the event or person to have any power over us. It is choosing not to carry the burden of anger, anger and hatred.
Just because we forgive someone, choosing not to suffer because of what they did, does not mean that we will continue the relationship with that person. We have no such obligation. Just because we're going to continue the relationship where it left off or start from scratch doesn't mean we want it. We can forgive someone and very well end our relationship with that person. Because forgiveness is a decision we make about ourselves, not about someone else. That's how it should be. We make this decision for our future, not to erase or ignore what has been done in the past.
Whether or not to take the decision to forgive is not a choice for that person. This decision is entirely up to us. It is a decision we make for ourselves. By choosing to forgive, we choose the feeling of compassion instead of hatred to keep and grow within us. In fact, this decision is, in a way, choosing which emotion we want to experience. Is it hate? Is it compassion? Because we experience the emotion we choose the most. Even though we try to make others live, we know that they cannot carry that burden as much as we do.
Why does it hurt so much!
Whatever color I drop on my invisible pain,
He's drowning in grief.
The happiness that comes does not come from you!
Nothing catches your eye.
I'm melting, will it end?
Favorite !
I am happy with my loved ones that I do not love.
Even though I don't want to be ungrateful
please forgive me
I don't feel tired other than writing.
A breath came and I
I find law for you the fields of my heart
Why am I doing this to myself?
If you hug, look,
If you say my name,
Like it will pass.
Forgiveness is a time-consuming process. We cannot forgive someone or something at once. Forgiveness that happens all of a sudden is not a real forgiveness. It will reveal itself again in the future. If we want to forgive, we should not think about how to forgive, but why we need to forgive. While thinking about this, we should also be aware of what forgiveness is not.
And we must remind ourselves: To forgive is to be liberated.
Trusting and surrendering to the key universe that opens up to life
For a while, I have never approached digital devices such as telephones and televisions for the first time I wake up in the morning. I start my day cleanly, away from information pollution. Since my mind has not been bombarded from outside yet, I see my surroundings cleaner and more clearly. This is how my day started again this morning. I woke up, drank my water and then I felt like it, I got up, settled on the sofa in the living room and started to watch outside.
As my heart settled into the green, it caught my attention: the little green that had found its way through the stone porch and stretched out into the sky. I just stared at him for a while. Lots of concrete, screed, medicine etc. on it. How could he stick his head out from a spilled spot?
He had found his own way and was attached to life. He was not worried, did not panic to see if I could find a way, on the contrary, he left himself to life with confidence and surrender and began to breathe. If I had known beforehand that the flower was there, somewhere in the interior, it would very likely be: “I wonder if it will come? How will it get out of there? I must do something! What if he can't get out? It's been a long time, he still couldn't come out, so he died” I was lost in a thousand anxiety, expectation, panic, anger, disappointment and endless drama.
Then I thought that I could worry and expect as much as I wanted for him, no matter what my reactions were, it would not affect him at all. No matter what I did, he would go out of his own way, on his own timing and at his own pace, in his own way, comfortably.
I felt very clearly at that moment that the little green was only interested in his own way. Unlike most of us, all he looked at was his own way; He was not concerned with the stance, reaction, or anything of anything around him. Is someone waiting for him or not, what are they thinking; He neither looked nor heard any of them. All his attention was on himself, his eyes were only on his own life path.
I want to make a brief look at a different subject. There is no other easy way to reach the life you long for. Struggle, struggle and win. It gets easier if you take small steps. All your troubles and hopes are in you. Let's take a look back, think about how far you've come.
Are there mountains to climb?
Let's get to that skirt next. Why are you thinking of mountains already?
If your eyes are high, how do you notice the beauties you pass by?
“If you do not rest under the plane tree and lie lazily and watch the clouds, if you do not smell the flowers and watch the sunrise in the morning and the sunset in the evening, how do you think I lived”
Don't let worries and troubles hold you back senselessly. Happiness is only in your hands. Sometimes you think the world has come crashing down on you. You always think about the negativities, desperation, disappointments, the behavior of the people around you, they all cause a wound on their own, you want to get away from people and you go away. This time, loneliness will not let you go, you will drown in loneliness. And you feel unhappy.
The little green, with its proud stance, reminded me very well: All we did with our reactions was to squeeze our own lives. Life is already flowing in its own flow, and it would always continue to flow as he knew it. The key to life was trusting and surrendering to the universe. It was the love for the universe that breathed and enlivened. It was faith, trust and respect for the universe that allowed us to flow lightly and comfortably in life.
Thank you little green. For this tremendous information you reminded me of this morning. I love you. Exist as you always know.
Let's realize the treasure within us together to overcome together
As human beings, we started to produce and create even before our speaking skills were formed. Our meeting with our artistic spirit took place much earlier than our habits and skills in the modern age. Cave paintings, sculptures, the invention of fire are the best examples of this. We didn't have to be Austrians to know and love Mozart's 40th Symphony, or come from French culture to be influenced and inspired by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's The Little Prince. Although it varies according to taste, of course, many examples like these can be given. Production and art do not have a definite audience or owner. Its contribution and presence is universal.
Although the meaning of creativity and the invention of expression are different for each of us, it is actually a form of self-expression in its simplest form.
I am glad that I had the chance to learn and share much more about the universal art of painting and its artists, beyond what I know on the surface, while watching the content of the program I call Realize Your Treasure. Vincent Van Gogh's Starry Night is about what he saw through the small window in his bedroom during his time in a mental hospital, Salvador Dali's famous painting Uranium and Atomic Melancholica Idyll, which appeals to the subconscious, memories, and the illogical content of dreams to go beyond the vision of the human eye. I learned that he told about the feelings of death and depression that emerged with the existence of the atomic bomb as a means of mass destruction during the World War II, and that it carries traces of it. Even if we are not intellectually aware of the existence of pain in universal works that have existed for centuries like him and them, it is very difficult not to notice, not to feel.
Our world, on which we lived until the pandemic came, was tested by many epidemics, natural disasters, and human-invented wars. Artifacts created in the midst of those difficult and terrible times when their creators are no longer with us, but still live with us today. We admire Rembrandt's painting and become enchanted while listening to Beethoven's notes. Occasionally, that picture is the promotional image of an event, and that music, as the soundtrack of a movie, becomes a part of, and even complements, another work of art in a completely different volume of the new era, the new age.
Even if the works of art are about a very simple subject, they are the reflection of the intense sensations felt about that subject.
This production process and subject does not necessarily have to be about a beautiful object, subject or situation. Moreover, what I guess we can all agree on is that the degree of what we feel in difficult times is at a higher level. Of course, their expressions will be at the same rate. It should not be a coincidence that today's universally accepted works of art were produced in difficult times that affected the masses.
If you feel sad, tired, scared, worried or even angry during this mass epidemic that we are going through, which sometimes leads us to despair, fear, and sometimes makes us lazy, and sometimes makes us question our purpose in life, you are not alone and even normal. You may just need to reconnect with your weakened productive and creative energy. If there is a voice among you that says I am not an artist, I have no education, I would like to remind you that you do not need these to produce, and you do not need to be famous to be liked and accepted. It may be what you need to just start expressing your feelings during these difficult times, letting them be noticed, not ignoring them, transferring your feelings under the circumstances to something that won't make you feel invisible, insignificant, helpless.
Yes, maybe it can be difficult to start from something at first. You may not be able to find that strength within you right now. It might be a good idea to cook a dish you love, to try that recipe that you never dared to try before. Or, writing a sincere article with your own words, which are your motto in the moments that mark your life, knitting amigurumi toys or macrame can help you reduce the feeling of tightness felt by the difficult process while revealing your creative energy. Allow yourself to create, and you can see that what you produce, those that reproduce from you, will soon become your life support unit.
Knowing that there are those who struggle with similar things as we go through difficult times, connecting with them, collaborating with them can be the source of the impetus we need when we cannot find the strength to create something on our own. In this way, we can inspire each other and contribute to each other. Social media, which we all use now, can turn into a great tool to close this gap, share and motivate to be appreciated these days when we have to be distanced.
Personally, I spent this week in front of a canvas, holding a brush for the first time in my life. I will neither switch to literature nor make any financial gain from it, nor will I have a fan base. I shared the finished canvas on my Instagram story, received sincere compliments on my novice brushstrokes, brought my masterpiece and hung it on my wall. With the meditative effect of the making process, I was relieved with the satisfaction of sharing and being able to tangible the expression of what was inside me. This week's sincere invitation to you produce, allow to produce. When these days pass, when we all get through these difficult times together, we will have good memories of what we have produced.
I have blended it to present you the methods and information that are known and applied all over the world, which contribute to making a difference in my own life, and that have followed thousands of people with their positive results.
Life is very precious to all of us. My aim is to contribute to the fact that more of us regularly contact the richness of their own living spaces and live more through these tools and information that make a big difference in my life.
With your permission, I would like to bring to your attention a few comments from those who have just finished and who completed the program they carried out before that.
**1st comment:** It is an extremely understandable, simple and clean education, prepared in a thin and loop by thread, from the sweetest trainer, who has experienced and internalized everything he tells in himself, in his heart, and has a warm smile. It was a very enjoyable education that was far from chaos, blended with art, everything was considered individually. Thank you for touching my life, my world, my heart,
**2nd comment:** It allows me to get rid of a shell after meditation, the lightened peaceful state, the calmness that comes with guided meditation, staying in the moment, the awareness that I catch with daily practices, the happiness of being in the moment, the feeling of "I'm alive, here I am" by following my breath. Thank you very much for our practices and shares that create awareness in my feelings and thoughts. I am glad to have you and our paths crossed.
**3rd comment:** When I started meditation, my expectation was to learn to manage my emotional stress. As I progressed step by step in education, I learned how to increase my awareness thanks to the techniques I learned and to stop for a moment and focus on myself in this fast flow of life.
These breaks that I gave myself in the course of the day increased my awareness on the one hand, and on the other hand increased my focus and concentration time. Each week, as I felt myself shifting from one mood to another, I noticed a calm in the background. As this calmness reflected on my reactions, the flow of the day and my human relations, I started to experience positive changes in these areas as well.
Another thing I liked about this practice was the variety of meditation and the ease of integrating it into daily life. For example, I started doing many of the things I do with pleasure. In fact, I realized how exhausting expectations can be. Instead, I realized that having a curious perspective further benefits our acceptance of events or our progress through events.
And finally, It's literally a tiny footed library that brings light to every question in your mind. His rI have blended it to present you the methods and information that are known and applied all over the world, which contribute to making a difference in my own life, and that have followed thousands of people with their positive results.
Purging Our Prejudices and Our Own Comments for the Moment
Empathy is a common word in human relationships. We probably have an idea of what empathy is. But do you think we're using that word correctly? More importantly, can we apply it to the people we come into contact with in our lives? Empathy means focusing on the other person with your whole being, not just mentally. And this requires getting rid of your prejudices and comments in your own mind for the moment.
Often, empathy is known as putting yourself in someone else's shoes. However, we often do not know how to do this. Contrary to popular belief, empathy is not just being able to feel what the other person is feeling, it is just being able to see what the other person feels and needs, as it is. To empathize is to try to understand and make sense of one's feelings, wishes and thoughts from his point of view. It requires being able to see why he does what he does, under what conditions, what he thinks about, and most importantly, what he needs. In order to focus on and understand the person in front of us, we must first get rid of our own thoughts and prejudices, which is the most difficult. While listening, it is not only to hear with our ears and think with our minds, but also to hear what is not said, to understand spiritually.
Resting with empathy makes the person feel understood; This is the need of every human being. However, the number of people who can truly listen with empathy is very, very few. You ask why? For example, when we do the following behaviors, we do not listen to the person with whom we are communicating with empathy.
The world doesn't care when you see the sea.
When we met, a little distance from you,
without seeing eye to eye,
If we reminisce about old memories,
If we talk from here and there, it's with you and us.
If we had deep philosophical conversations,
Let's tell jokes,
If the jokes go away.
Songs that keep the tempo of laughter.
If we praise the full moon,
Hicvesek darkness,
Is she blushing at night?
Or will he vomit his curse?
Are cellars dollars?
stone on stone,
Isn't there a head on the body?
Or should we hold our tongue and ignore it,
I didn't see, I didn't know, I didn't hear, should we play the game?
Who are we to believe?
By bending our necks and keeping quiet, it's not him,
Let's kiss, net, what?
Joke joke.
Let's greet the light
To the caravans of love whose path is steep,
Luckily we'll get the last two tickets left.
Is it beyond?
Giving advice. It is one of the most common mistakes, the other person may not be looking for a solution or may not want the solution from you.
He is only telling to be heard and listened to, or he is not yet ready to take a step towards a solution. Think before you give advice, do they want it from you?
Go to top. “Is that something, what happened to my uncle?” Here, the focus person is removed from himself and replaced by someone else who is thought to be in a worse situation. What is felt is the ignoring of one's own feelings.
To teach. Again, the need of the person arises from the fact that it is not observed.
Cheer. "Never mind. / It's over. / You did your best.” The real need is passed over without understanding what it is.
To tell a story. Again, by talking about the event that happened to himself or someone else, the focus is removed from the person himself.
To cover it up. "Never mind. / Don't worry about it.” It is the trivialization and ignoring of the emotion experienced.
To sympathize. “Oh ah, woah! / My dear!” Sympathy is confused with empathy, but there is a feeling of pity rather than sadness, and the listener with empathy is expected to focus on the feelings of the other person rather than reflecting their own feelings.
Query. "When did it happen? / What else did he say?” The person should be allowed to tell at their own pace without too much interruption.
Statement / Correction. “I was going to call you but / No, it wasn't like that.” It is to turn or change the focus on yourself again.
These items are a part of M. Rosenberg's book Nonviolent Communication. When we look at the list, we can conclude that we never listen to the other person with empathy in our conversations. Really it is. Listening without judgment and with sincerity would be a great favor you can do for your loved ones. While listening to what is being said during the conversation, try to develop the ability to really focus on the other person, not on yourself or the answer you will give. “What is he trying to tell me right now? What/s might he be feeling? What does he really need? What would he like to happen?” Focusing on questions like these will help you to listen with empathy.
Let's add loving and tolerant individuals to the world
It is important for you what happens or not when bringing a child into the world.
He must be like you in the first place, his solid doors are closed that have not learned to love. He is affectionate towards everyone, but is an iceberg to his son, seeks everyone, asks, listens for hours, tells his troubles tirelessly, but refuses to ask "how are you" to his son
You talk for a long time about the worries of your precious relatives, you don't say "oh" woe, you don't ask why if your child's face falls, and you want your children to be exactly like this.
Let that chain you set up spread over generations, let lovelessness grow in your lineages.
According to you, this is the truth, you don't like being questioned and being held accountable.
If a little love is looking for a crumb, your child will say "I saw it like this" and get out of the business. No, you didn't see it that way, you couldn't offer love to the second third person. The walls you created would be built for those people as well, they would not be exclusive to the souls you gave birth to and killed.
Yes, mountain-like walls only for those souls, unbreakable, indestructible, but those souls you left in the unseen wreckage, the walls of disappointment that collapse on you in every attempt to be loved.
Will you realize one day? I do not know,
Do you think that your children, whom you have pushed into lovelessness and kept away with false excuses, are blind or deaf? There are so many children in this world whose head has not been stroked once, whose hands have not been held, who yearn for a sincere hug, they will even accept tactile intimacy from any stranger.
So I'm asking why did you bring it to the world?
"Life conditions, those were the times, did anyone ask me" is the most obvious form of defense.
Okay, why didn't you like it? Why is that ?
Is it so difficult to love a being that you give life to with your blood and soul as much as you know how to love others?
Do you know how your children feel when you love others? Do you know that he perceives it as a unique situation? You know, maybe who knows!
Do you know that individuals who are pushed to lovelessness turn into people who give uncontrolled anger and aggressive overreactions over time?
Then it is absurd to say "why are you like this", how do you expect a work to be?
And do you know that those individuals begged from corrupt people, whom they knew for the first time, for the love they could not get from you, and that they submitted to disgusting requests in order to be patted? No way!
You bring in broken hearts with your hands, but are you happy with it?
What a pity that this chain never bounces, It is carried from father to son, from mother to daughter. There is no one who says stop to this, it has become normal, as if it is a normal situation, what is it?
The mother has inculcated her daughter and son with harsh words, she warns her as if she wishes for the best, but there is no contact, does she suffer, does she want to be understood, she says "love me", they have no value, right?
As long as that chain is turned, it can be passed on to generations, and people without love and intolerance can join the world.
You know, there are always mistakes in young people, it's called the "Z" generation now, they are easily shy, questioning individually, socializing over the internet.
Is it just that generation "Z" to blame?
The youth of the 90's and after '97 know this well, it is not just us who are at fault.
Those who are exposed to lovelessness are not left with a choice, and children who are not accepted in the society and raised without love are not given another way.
There is no right to stand up and be called "youth is finished", look at what is finished, not what is finished. A building with a rotten infrastructure cannot be expected to stand, you will write that it will collapse in the first earthquake, you cannot say why it is falling apart if you do not add the solid column.
This is not my site, these are the most painful part of the truth, how do I know? I live!
If my body is divided into parts, I will only be noticed, I am only one of those who are tested through the lovelessness of the one who gave birth and the hard heart of the one who killed, there are many who have not written yet, have not put it into words,
Loving is the easiest, don't spare the cheapest
People look at things from different perspectives as they get older
Do you find yourself running to the fridge when you're feeling down or otherwise upset? Emotionally eater people may unwittingly find themselves in front of the refrigerator several times a week to suppress their own emotions. These eating attacks are followed by feelings of guilt and regret, and this becomes an unbreakable cycle.
**How can you stop emotional eating?**
Emotional hunger is not easily suppressed by eating. Because at that moment, you eat not because you are physiologically hungry, but to suppress your emotions. The solution to this situation is to focus on the problem itself that you think you have solved or suppressed while eating.
**1. Find other ways to deal with stress**
The first thing to do is figure out how to deal with emotional eating. Emotional eating is a gift of stress to us. Then, if we overcome the stress, we can also control emotional eating. You can walk, read a book, watch an elephant or take a shower. Everyone's way of controlling stress is different.
**2. Make sure to add movement to your life**
We know that regular physical activity helps in the release of serotonin and dopamine and helps to relax. You don't have to run or do fitness, calm activities like yoga will also help you release dopamine.
**3. Try meditating**
Meditation, which is one of the most effective methods of calming down, is also a good treatment for people who have many eating disorders. For example, Jason Stephenson's "Guided Meditation for Anxiety and Stress" video has over 4 million views and is more than 30 minutes of a series of visualizations and breathing exercises. You can try this in the first step.
**4. Keep a food diary**
Seeing what you eat, how much and when can help you control your cravings. When you have eating attacks, you can look at what you ate that day and realize that you are already full.
**5. Establish a healthy eating routine**
It can be difficult to distinguish between real and emotional hunger. If you have a daily meal routine, it can be much easier to distinguish because you will know in advance what time you will be hungry.
**6. Remove packaged products from your kitchen**
The biggest mistake most people make is to buy packaged products for their home. Do not bring packaged products that do not contain any real nutrients, are made of powders and preservatives, and that have the highest rate of triggering food addiction, not even into your kitchen, but even into your home.
**7. Pay attention to the portion of food**
What you eat is very important, you know that. How much you eat is just as important as what you eat. Small plates and small glasses will help you the most for this. They may seem small right now, but in time they will become your normal.
**8. Feel free to ask for support**
We all experience stress, anxiety, unhappiness and anger problems from time to time. What matters is how we reflect these feelings. For example, some people reflect this on their food when they are stressed and eat all the time, while others do not eat at all. So this situation is very individual and very diverse. Therefore, in such cases, if you cannot overcome the problem, getting individual support will relieve you.
**9. Eliminate distractions**
Eliminating distractions such as the phone and television while eating will make your meal routine much healthier.
**10. You can have positive self-talk**
As we talked about above, eating disorders are a common problem that almost all of us experience from time to time. In such a situation, instead of feeling ashamed or guilty, accepting this and getting professional support will permanently change your perspective, your life and many more.
Everyone has a secret they keep inside, an experience they keep hidden under the carpet. What we said at first, "It's better that way", that we try to ignore so that it doesn't hurt more. But then the garbage I hide under the carpet starts to stink. Yet you continue to ignore it. So can you ignore it?
Does ignoring similar experiences or feelings work? Pretending to be valuable and being subjected to unworthy behavior. I know it meant a lot when I was younger. But when you bring it to the surface, you witness that it doesn't hurt that much. Yes, you are shaken first. But when a person matures. What does real maturity mean? To me it means to prepare. Here one begins to look at his experience from different meanings.
In short, I have to say that; We are as sick as the pain we suppress. We are as sick as the secrets we hide and the meanings we attach. What to do? He must dive to the bottom of the fear and see that there is nothing to be afraid of. Aren't feelings temporary? Then why do you ignore it and enlarge it? A person relaxes because he releases the emotions he clings to.
Leaving the Comfort Zone and Stepping into the Unknown
Hello again after a short break.
This time, I sat at the keyboard to look for answers to the questions in my pocket. As we leave behind a challenging year for all of us, I can't help but question what I've contributed to myself this year. While I was struggling with an epidemic that affected the world, it was a year that I lost loved ones and brought me different areas of struggle, and it still happens.
But when I sit back and review it, it has been a year that I have not stopped contributing to myself. I think it's a remarkable development amid all the negativity. For example, I came up with an idea that made my heart flutter to bring it to life. On top of that, I took trainings and took my first steps towards self-development. Even though I am still progressing with baby steps, I am sure that one day it will mature.
Then I rolled up my sleeves to meet my essence. I met myself again with a more realistic perspective. What do I want, who is my essence, what does each of my actions serve, I looked at all of them one by one, and I still continue to look at and to know myself again.
I meet myself as if I were meeting someone brand new, without getting bored. Every time I realize that I am feeling good. It's like I'm in a seclusion. But it's time to slowly come out of this seclusion. With this debut, I continue to seek answers to other feelings that arouse in me.
**Two things leave it behind:**
Instability
Discouragement
**Two things do explorer:**
Qualified environment
A little madness
**Two things keep you from wasting your life:**
Finding the dominant skill
Do what you love
**Two things are the secret of success:**
Learning craftsmanship from the masters
update yourself
**Two things are the secret of achieving success together with happiness:**
Purity of intention
Spiritual awareness
**Two things distinguish it from millions of people:**
Being part of the solution, not the problem
Approaching life and everything from a new perspective
**Two things hinder development:**
Extremism
Focus on disaster
**Two things solve:**
Smile
Silence
**The value of two things is realized when they are lost:**
Mother
Father
How much do I love my comfort zone? How and in what way should I or should I leave this area? Since everyone I love is far from me, the feelings that I have to take the necessary risks by thinking more freely now surround every cell of me.
But I can't formulate how to do it or where to start. Knowing how to leave the safe-box ports when appropriate, I am not sure what to do in a completely different field this time. While a part of me is relieved by the confidence of familiar habits, the other part of me says that this much confidence is enough now, that I need to look for some novelty.
Every choice is a renunciation. I know! But the questions of what should I give up, why and for whom should I go out of this comfort zone occupy my mind so much that I cannot reach objectivity. I've been looking at the people I've inspired for a long time. Anyone who dared to do so somehow achieved the life they dreamed of, albeit with difficulties.
Although I have the strength to do so, sometimes I am not sure that I have the strength to fight the waves in the sea of uncertainty that awaits me. There is only one thing I know at this point; Now I have to leave the safe harbor. I need to untie the ropes and watch the unique blue of the sea. Even if there is a storm on this cruise, it will surely end one day, isn't it?
Indeed, what is holding me on these shores? Why am I tied to this port by ropes that do not belong to me? What am I waiting for to untie those strings? I think the team I want to set out with is also a little nervous about this journey; maybe i need some encouragement, who knows my team?
Or, in order to reach the new port I want to reach, I have to untie the rope myself and take the helm myself. Can't you see the horizon better when you become the captain of your own ship?
And I think I find my way again at the end of an article. I know that one day I will find the strength to set out to go to that new port of my dreams. Maybe not today, but someday for sure. Until that day comes, I will continue to take care of my ship and gather the strength to sail.
Maybe I couldn't find a solution to the questions in my pocket that I mentioned at the beginning of the article, but I saw again that maybe sometimes all the power I expect from others is inside me, I remembered it again. When appropriate, I will continue to prepare to take the helm for a while. Then give me your hand, new blues.
So you? Have you ever wanted to leave the ports where you unintentionally anchored and were unable to leave? How about starting by just untying the rope to leave?
Analytical Reflected Effects of Stress on Us
Stress is a concept we are all very familiar with. Although its intensity and duration vary in our personal history, the stress that makes its presence felt; In our common history, it is strengthening its place with factors that are universally defined in the literature, such as uncertainty, lack of information and loss of control these days.
When we examine it as a definition; “It is a measurable and objective set of physiological events that occur in the body, including the brain, hormones, immune system, and many other organs,” says **Dr. Gabor Mate**. This definition is now more meaningful to all of us. Stress is just much deeper and beyond the period of being tense, unhappy, sullen; has been identified as an actor with an important role in the immune system. Just as the immune system is our lifeline these days; It's time to look at stress from different angles and get to know it better.
Stress experience consists of 3 elements
Physical or emotional event that the organism perceives as a threat: The event that happened to us, that we are facing. The operating system, brain and nervous system that encounter the source of stress and interpret it in its own way: Our way of interpreting this event. Various physiological behavioral responses that occur in response to the threat perception: Our response to this event. The source of stress depends on the operating system in the second item that gives it meaning. The event that occurs is interpreted in various ways according to the character structure and current mental state of each of us. What is perceived as a major threat for some may mean a new beginning for others. For each of us, the definition of stress changes along with our personality and personal history.
When we examine and investigate, we see that the step of interpreting events is an area where we can intervene. Since we cannot control every event that happens to us in life (for all of us, it is fixed by experience); we can change the way we interpret these events and thus our reaction to the event. This affects the reflection of the severity and duration of the stress in us. Everyone has various solutions in this life, such as yoga, meditation, hobbies. While these solutions vary from person to person, here are my suggestions for perspective.
Moving from passive activity to active
Nowadays, when we spend a lot of time at home, I think that we put ourselves to sleep for hours and times by watching new movies, TV series and videos one after the other on Netflix and Youtube. I realize that when I do such passive activities for a long time, I have a feeling of suppression in my emotions, but also kill my creativity. I observe that I do not dream, I do not use my productive side.
Raise awareness
Our body and soul wake up to a new day every day. Their needs and wants can change every day. It's important to listen to him. It would be unfair to impose the same things every day. Sometimes they want to go to the office with a longer walk, sometimes they want to communicate less, and sometimes they want to share more. We must replenish his resources by meeting his wishes.
Build deep relationships
We have so many communication tools at our disposal. In order not to be alone, most of us are in constant communication with people through various channels. Although we relate to many people in one way or another; Relationships in which we provide our deepest needs or emotional satisfaction exist, if we're lucky, in our lives and do not exceed a single finger. It is important to know the value of these relationships. Relationships in which we cannot express ourselves and are not understood sometimes become a burden on us. Real and deep relationships are always the savior.
Connecting with life through various channels
Although work, family and friends frame our lives with clear lines; We need spaces in our lives that make us who we are. Although these may seem meaningless to some from the outside, they are the things that give us life energy and develop our minds and hearts. Making time for them and not giving up on them also allows us to establish a healthier relationship with our other bonds. It supports us in the ups and downs and losses we will experience in these areas.
Listening to new stories
Listening to the stories that we are not accustomed to seeing and hearing around us is an indication of how colorful and diverse life is. Every new story we take into our world surrounded by similar people allows us to look at the world from a different window. Knowing that there are new colors and new possibilities has always inspired and encouraged me. This is a delightful novel, as it can be with a movie genre you've never seen; sometimes it can be by listening to people outside of our social circle.
Let's Learn to Cope With Our Emotion Barometer
Plato used to say that he who can rule himself can find the power to rule the world. Once again, Plato is right. “How can this happen at a time when all kinds of anxiety are flooding us, and when we are so in touch with our shadow sides?” If you say so, you are right. However, let me tell you as much as possible, you start walking towards yourself. After all, he should not be afraid to move slowly, but to be afraid of standing still.
**Four basic emotions**
The famous psychiatrist talks about the 4+ basic human emotions: **joy/pleasure, anger/fear, disgust, sadness/sadness**. “We can increase emotions; but just like basic colors, that's more or less the essence of emotions." says he, and oscillating between these feelings is somewhat normal, human.
**What is an emotion barometer?**
Concretely, there is no such barometer. The essence of the matter is this: This concept refers to the fact that one memory does not hold another memory during the day, and our 'one-and-a-half' states that can be quite tiring. On top of that, while we can't even be clear about our different moods, which can fight a bloody war inside us; The fact that others witness our tides can damage our relations with others a little. Our topic is how much of this situation is tolerable.
Don't you say to others; Sometimes, "This is neither diet, nor sauerkraut"? That account. Returning to ourselves: The important thing is to be able to get out of these big, hard as wood battles with the least injury, to be able to step on the brakes while jumping from emotion to emotion.
**We are variable and this is normal**
It seems that it is not possible to prevent the volatility of our moods; The issue is to manage our changing mood with awareness. It is essential to develop our own methods of surviving the turmoil with less damage, balancing a little bit of the feeling of inconsistency that doesn't feel so good.
How can we manage our emotions?
Specialist Dr. “It is healthy for our emotions to vary according to the circumstances and our inner state. Feeling bad when bad things are happening is not depression, and feeling happy and excited when good things are happening is not an obstacle. says. On the other hand, it is a matter of being aware of how much of these changes are routine and how much of them requires expert support.
Those who are curious about what speed told can take a look here. As a result, the doctor also stated that mood disorder is seen clinically in several ways; emphasized that mood disorders can also be caused by subtypes of depression such as bipolar disorder, major depression, recurrent depressive disorder and frequent cycling mood disorder. It can be helpful at this point to check ourselves, to look at the moments when our optimism turns into a ball of disaster by referring to the opinion of your partner.
***My childhood was innocent.***
Some may not have been lucky like the childhood of a child, but he was innocent. There are so many things to tell, how to start actually?
To sort the loads I put on my shoulders. How the sad years passed are told. How can a person's childhood be remembered over and over again?
I didn't know how a life would pass before your eyes without hurting and bleeding, what to tell now. My childhood was innocent. If they hadn't broken, hurt, injured, my body wouldn't be so tired now. Maybe my life would be more hopeful, more exciting. Nobody is called anything, you still don't lose hope, my dear heart
Sometimes You Have To Stop And Watch The Sky
The stories of my close friends always interest me. Again, I will share one of them with you. It was the first year I started living in New York. This city, which I know very well from the TV series such as "**Fame**" and movies such as "**Taxi Driver**" in my childhood, made me very tired and uncomfortable at first with its incredibly fast pace. As I walk the streets of Manhattan, stopping New Yorkers rushing past me like the “Alice in Wonderland” rabbit is like, “*Why are you living so fast?*” I mean there have been many times. Then months passed. The city pulled me into its fast pace like a whirlpool, and I became one of the New Yorkers who live their lives by running.
Whether we are in New York or London. The common problem of us big city people is that we lead very fast lives and do not know how to slow down.
Although we seemed to be slowing down for a while due to the pandemic, it didn't take long to fill our days with various activities to do at home. Almost all of us live success-oriented lives. There are projects we need to train, trainings we need to take. When we don't spend our time productively, we feel like we've missed life. Yes, being productive and working are of course good things. But sometimes you have to stop. Watching the sky, watching the clouds pass by.
We are not robots programmed to run around - machines need maintenance too - we are people who need to rest and create breathing spaces for themselves. You can be sure that when we make a habit of stopping, slowing down, and doing nothing on a regular basis, both our body and mind will be very pleased with it.
**Two things solve even seemingly unsolvable problems:**
Change perspective
To put yourself in the other person's place
**Two things prevent you from doing anything wrong:**
Filtering people and events through the mind and heart
Not be entitled
**Two things discredit a person:**
Demagogy
Sell yourself heavily
The more you read, the more you realize how little you know. I love to read and feed by reading. I can only produce when I read and feed. Also, since reading takes you to different worlds, you look at life and people in life from different perspectives. The place where we cannot see ourselves is because we are ourselves. To read is to be able to discern whether what exists in someone else is in ourselves or not. I believe that if a person wishes, he can change and develop at any age.
I have always thought that two things in life play a big role in human life. Birth and death. In both of them, people take on different emotions and these emotions become turning points in a person's life.
It provides a transition from one article to another while surfing the Internet. As one says to the other, the reading chain goes on. It was at such a time that I came across an article by Giordano Bruno, one of the most important philosophers who shaped the philosophy of the Renaissance, called "the doctrine of two things". He was sentenced to death by the decision of the inquisition court and burned to death by the church, because the ideas he defended meant committing a crime against the Christian religion in the ignorant Europe of the 16th century. What a great loss.
I have seen that much can be learned from the teaching of two things. There must be someone who has read it before, frankly, I wrote this article with the desire to share it because I did not read it and found it very real.
If you, like me, have a structure that constantly sets goals for yourself, it will seem strange at first to just stand still without producing anything. But believe me, our body and mind need a lot from time to time to just stand still and do nothing. For all of us, charging our phones is almost more important than charging ourselves. However, that shouldn't be the case.
Let's take care of ourselves as we do to our phones and tablets, and let's slow down and charge ourselves even if it's for ten or fifteen minutes a day. How you exercise your right to stop is up to you. Whether you stop by paying attention only to the smell, taste and color of the tea, making drinking tea a meditation, or watching the sunrise. Or, if you want, use your right to stop to experience Yin Yoga, which has a slow flow. Just stay in between. Breathe, realize that you are here on this beautiful planet. Clear your mind, slow down and relax.
I wish all of us a good day, when we make it a habit to stop and recharge from time to time as well as being productive.
Let's Hold the Hand of Our Hearts and Continue
As he was coming into the world, he called after him;
“O my light piece, never let go of your heart, no matter what happens on this journey! No matter what, don't entrust it to anyone! He is both my hand and his own land. You cannot take root without it, you cannot exist without it. As I sent you on this journey, I also put your treasure in your heart. Do not squander it, do not devalue it and trample it, do not sell it for three money. It is the only light that will brighten your being!”
“Well,” said the man, “I will never let go!”
“Of course you will,” said the great spirit, “Of course you will. If it were so certain that you wouldn't let go, you wouldn't need to go to this world! You wouldn't need to experience it. But know that you always have the power to remember, even if you let go, you can find it again and hold it. That power is your sense of completeness. You will never feel full until you hold her hand. Follow that hunger for fullness! Even if you don't go, your hunger for completeness will never leave you. I gave him a guide as well.”
A frightened person, holding on to himself with that fear. But he still believed he could do it! He has kept his word!
We have already forgotten, most of all, that we can make mistakes, that by making mistakes we can find our own way and that is the most natural thing. We forgot to be natural, what that means. We tried to compare ourselves to people we thought were natural, as if there was a definite definition of naturalness. As if everyone is the same.
We forgot that we are different from everyone else and everyone is different from us! We considered it safe to be squeezed into the norms, to be pruned and to be without arms or legs. To appear silently and talk inside ourselves, to bury our feelings a thousand and one floors under the ground without revealing to anyone.
It's like the harbor I left behind is scanning the horizon
I don't know when to cross that line that is scanned
My hands are not combing your hair
Does it disperse and gather with the wind?
We did not forget about elegance and did not express our opinion. At that very moment, we already committed our greatest rudeness, our shame.
We have forgotten what is real, what is a game, what is ours, what is bought from outside.
We forgot it.
We forgot so much that we were swept away from place to place. Neither a rope held our feet, nor anyone who knows.
The day came, the despair that we hit the ground, caught us by the neck. While we were squeezing into a corner and all our guards were shattered on the floor, he held the mirror in his hand in our face!
You and you looking at you are alone!
No one to blame, no hole to run, no thought to hide! Whatever you think, you in the mirror hear your mind at the same time. If you move, you move, if you shout, you shout, if you run, if you run, if you look, it looks; just like life.
Now would you stop struggling and stop for a moment and look into your eyes?
Just for a moment, look and say, "Calm down, it's me."
Calm down, I'm here.
As I always am! Stop, don't flutter!
Shame! Do not be afraid!
Just me.
Do you remind yourself? The word you held to before he was born? Do you remember the treasure you brought with you?
Do you stop running away from the feeling of "No matter what I do, it doesn't work" that follows you like crazy? Do you remember that feeling was your "guide"?
Do you understand that the unfilled emptiness inside you is for your own good, that it is a detector of the wrong paths you walk?
Do you “understand” that if you follow the path of your own heart, that feeling will also leave you, and that your task will now end?
Now would you look into his eyes and boldly step into the love of your own feeling, just for yourself?
Can you just voice the words of your own heart?
Can you stop repeating and get out of this repeat chain?
do you remember
Everything you did was for you. Those who are and those who are not.
For you to see, learn and continue. So!
Do you remember; That the one and only hand that you will not let go is the hand of your heart?
Let the stars stay open in the dark,
Flow like the moon into my room from my window.
Come without the walls holding moisture, let the secret be kept out of breath.
We Must Evaluate What We Have Learned and Be Ready for New Beginnings
Life is full of tough turns for all of us. Last year was a year with lots of ups and downs, but also transformative and radically changing our lives. While our business life, working style, habits, relationships, education system, economic order are drifting in a storm of radical change; On the other hand, life continued to flow at the same pace.
Although all the negative experiences made us feel helpless and hopeless from time to time, we also questioned our consumption habits by realizing how much we actually have; we reconsidered our priorities, realizing how much we have to be thankful for; remembering that health is more valuable and prioritized than anything else in life, we hugged our loved ones and life even more tightly, even from afar; We have witnessed, together with the whole world, how valuable the little moments in life, the little things we ignore, become for us.
Our socializing behaviors have changed
Weekend meetings and after-work meetings, which are an ordinary part of our lives, have been shelved for a long time. While we were looking for ways to meet with our loved ones from a distance, we questioned our bonds and sincerity. Our friendships, romantic relationships, and ties with our family were put to the test. We have seen that sometimes the far can be close, and sometimes how far the near is actually. As we analyze the toxic people in our lives and the relationships that are not so necessary, we find our friends and loved ones, sometimes in the background, who we understand how important they are to us.
Our living spaces have changed
Our homes, where most of us only go to sleep, have become places where we spend all of our time. We had to make arrangements to make our homes, which are sometimes our workplace, sometimes our gym, and sometimes our art workshop, much more livable. We got rid of the excesses, tried to simplify our houses and make them more livable. Some of us rediscovered the color of the walls, some of us relocated their belongings, some of us bought things they never needed before but realized they were missing as they spent time at home.
Our habits have changed
We understood how important it is to have fresh air, to be in touch with nature, and even to walk while going from one place to another. In the moments we spent outside, we took a deeper breath and looked at the trees from a different perspective. In order to add color to our lives that fit within four walls, we sought ways to have a pleasant time at home. This year, we were content to watch the seasons pass, the nature change, the flowers blooming on the trees from the windows of our houses. We sunbathed on the balcony, not on the beach. We brought the restaurants to our home; We made amateur attempts to bring different flavors of world cuisine to our tables. We worked tirelessly to make the best bread.
No matter how much things change in our lives, we are once again amazed at the capacity of the human brain to adapt and adapt quickly to changes. We were forced, bored, overwhelmed, tired, but somehow we found a way to be happy, stay calm, fill our time with good things, spare time for ourselves and our loved ones, and adapt our plans to the new normal.
It is a matter of curiosity for all of us what kind of surprises 2021 will come with, for better or for worse. It is an inevitable fact that all of us will face this year with much more anxiety and the question 'Will it be possible to search for those who come and go?' But before saying 'hello' to new beginnings, evaluate what the past year has taught you, brought to your life and taken away; to thank him by embracing all the emotions he gives you, whether you are angry, offended, or even if you feel disappointed; It's time to slowly close and review the effects it has left on you.
***The following questions will help you absorb what you did this year, how you overcame all the challenges, what you learned and what you questioned.***
-What were the most meaningful things I did for myself, my loved ones, and the world this year?
-How did it make me feel that my life was filled with events that were beyond my control?
-Have I done everything in my power to be prepared for the challenges I face?
-What were the subjects that I stubbornly and unnecessarily cling to and wasted?
-What are the problems I left unsolved, the works I did not complete, or the goals I did not complete?
-What was the most dominant thought in my mind, the one that stuck with me the most?
-What emotion was the most difficult for me to cope with throughout the year, and on what issues did I need emotional support the most?
-How could I be more involved in life, how could I live better?
-What habits did I get rid of that I wanted to quit, what were my new habits?
-If I could change what could I feel more satisfied?
-What were the moments when I didn't feel like I was myself and the people I couldn't be myself around?
-Who and what have I tolerated in my life that I don't really want?
-In what ways have I been able to tolerate the challenges life throws at me?
-What were the decisions I made because I had to, not because I wanted to?
-What were the most difficult points for me to accept myself and my loved ones as they are?
-Have I invested in my hobbies and interests to feel better?
-Whose mistake did I have the most trouble forgiving? What issues did I realize I couldn't forgive?
-What is a strong feature of me that I was not aware of before and that I noticed this year?
-What is a weak feature of me that I was not aware of before and that I noticed this year?
-Who were the 3 most important people who added value to my life, took me one step further and inspired me?
What was the top priority for me this year, what was the most important issue that led to major changes in my life?
Who are the people I know have always been in my life and will be by my side forever?
-Who were the people who were in my life before but not in my life this year?
-Which of the things that frightened, worried and worried me were real threats, and which were the product of my mind?
-Did the goals I set for myself and try to achieve in order to change make it difficult for me to see the mistakes that made me grow? So how can I change my perspective?
-How much did I compare my change to that of others? Did what I expected of myself match what society expected of me?
-Did I congratulate myself for what I've already accomplished as I continue to grow, change and transform?
-Despite all the difficulties I faced, did I do things that were outside of my ethics and values?
-What steps have I taken for my spiritual legacy that I want to leave to the world after I die?
-If I were to live this year all over again, what would I want to change?
We are aware that all these questions are not so easy to answer at once. It is not so easy to evaluate a whole year, a year that has left a deep impression on our lives, perhaps more than ever before. However, you have a whole month ahead of you to answer these questions, and you need to close the cover of your completed notebook before you can open a new page and make a fresh and beautiful start to the new year.
**An instructive farewell with lessons learned for yourself; Wishing you a pleasant start with your new goals, goodbye.**
Unconditional Acceptance, Compassion and Love within Us
One of the things I was most angry with myself in life was forgetting and repeating a mistake I knew for a long time. One day when I went crazy with myself again, my healer said to me, “We don't learn in order not to forget the information. Being human means forgetting at the same time. You are burdening yourself for nothing. We forget and we will forget, this is very normal. The important thing is to know that there is that new area, the area that is good for you, in this life. Know that you exist, have tasted so that when you forget, know where to go. Remember which direction to go. So being human is not about learning once and closing the issue. It is the journey of the cycle of forgetting and remembering to be human.”
I was relieved when I heard this, but I still remember eating myself up for a while, wondering how I could forget what I knew and how could I make such mistakes.
I was reading a book recently: Adele Faber-Elaine Mazlish's Speak So Listen Listen Listen Let Speak, which contains wonderful "true" information for communication with children. There are many different stories of parents in the book, of course, through the troubled communication they have with their children. There was a situation that caught my attention while I was reading all of them: when the right communication was established with the children, yes, the children were obedient and did what was right for them. But the interesting part is that it's true, it didn't go away forever. For example, after acting great for 3 weeks, they were able to go back to their behavior in the 4th week when they had communication problems. Even though such a problem is not repeated!
I was surprised when I read this. What surprised me even more was that the author found this situation normal. Yes, the child could revert to the same type of behavior and that was normal and patience and understanding was needed. This accepting, compassionate and embracing attitude of the author also embraced me and comforted me.
I thought the same as ourselves. What difference would it make if I outlived children for 30 earth years? Man was still human. At any age, a person could forget and remember what he knew, and then forget again. This was about many people.
Seeing my anger and shouting at the little girl inside me, I felt a little embarrassed. Sometimes I can really miss its presence in life.
After a few weeks that I was doing very well according to myself, this week when my eating attacks were intense and I was defeated by them, I was angry with myself at first. Then I got stubborn. But now I remember with this article.. Maybe. We can fall and get up again. What matters is how we approach ourselves when we fall.
And I decided again. I promised myself: to be compassionate, understanding, patient and embracing. I will wrap myself to the fullest moments.
Today, I believe that some concepts are confused and used differently than their meanings. For example, compassion seems to be intertwined with pity, gratitude with a comparison of better or worse than us, and unconditional acceptance with a toxic positivity. I know that the state of acceptance, which is at the core of meditation and mindfulness practices, is very valuable, so today I want to talk about how I understand acceptance.
Acceptance basically means unresponsiveness. Neither responding to a behavior that breaks your heart, saying "Well, he didn't do it with bad intentions" or "He's like that, what should we do" is not an example of acceptance. Acceptance is like looking at the weather when you wake up in the morning, planning your clothes and the flow of the day accordingly. Living by accepting what is as it is, without commenting on it, pushing it or chasing after something, makes life easier. Otherwise, it can be tiring to live with a mind that responds to everything good or bad every time you are alerted. I think most of us know the tendency to feel inadequacy as we try to satisfy the mind that approaches everything it sees, remembers, plans from a critical point of view.
So why do we tend to look for something better instead of accepting it? Why do we miss summer if it's rainy that day and want snow if it's a hot day? As Tara Brach mentions in the book (which was one of the key revelations of my journey to awareness), Buddha says, "Life is suffering." “Life by its very nature does not give satisfaction. We are not comfortable because everything in our lives, our mood, our bodies, our job, the people we love, and the world we live in is changeable. We can't hold on to anything because everything is temporary. So we are constantly drawn to getting better, to experience something different from what is happening right now.” Pretty obvious dilemma isn't it? It's an endless loop.
We find it difficult to accept what is because of desires that we constantly want to achieve or avoid. The etymological explanations of words intrigue me very much. In this book, I learned that the root of the word desire (desire) is "far from a star" and it impressed me a lot. Tara Brach interprets this as we yearn to realize our true nature, to belong to a star. But when I read this, I remembered the fact that desires can never be fulfilled and thought it was as impossible as reaching a star; because “As desire grows stronger, awareness flies away.” So what path takes us away from desires and closer to acceptance?
Based on my own experiences and observations from the people I work with, I can say that I practice mindfulness and continue these practices. First of all, it is very important to feel safe. I would like to remind you again that an unconditional acceptance does not mean limitlessness. As reminded in the Heart of the Buddha, “We do not say yes to acting on our harmful impulses or to external circumstances that can harm us: If someone is abusing or abusing us, we must firmly say no and set rational boundaries to protect ourselves in the future. But even in such a situation, we can say yes to feelings of fear, anger, or resentment that rise within us. Yes, it's a practice of inner acceptance where we purposefully allow our thoughts and feelings to come and go naturally.” As Buddha said, everything in this life is temporary, like all our feelings and thoughts. With that being the case, do you think there is another alternative that is good for us instead of accepting it?
Sometimes it's just one space we're looking for, an inclusive void. We need those spaces in order to create something or fully experience anything created. I think we sometimes notice this in our close relationships, too. Sometimes there is no consolation, motivation, or solution we seek, we just want to share that area. We need to be able to live together the pain we feel inside, to establish a bond. Tara Brach explains exactly this in her book Heart of Buddha; “True compassion is being together, feeling together and being able to suffer together,” she says. What does it sound like to observe what's going on inside with someone you love and trust without having to do anything, reading that you can open up space for every emotion it awakens in you?
Life Rewards Courage and Willpower
My keyword is to never give up. Life always appreciates courage and willpower. Because in order to reach these two, it is necessary to know what to do first, and to question to know what to do.
The DNA of every living thing on earth is different, each of us is equipped with many characteristic features. As a result, each of us has a life duty, a life purpose in our short life. Those of us who are not aware of this keep being thrown this way and that way. Finding our life purpose begins with questioning: Why am I here? Who am I? Why are we all different?
Nobody gives us our purpose in life, as we get to know and discover ourselves, it will present itself to us, and our path will definitely be drawn in that direction. After finding it, we need to ensure that it is sustainable. This is where courage and willpower come into play.
At the end of a week, I got so tired that I think I have to admit that I consumed the episodes of the series I watched, and said, “**This winter will not pass like this, no way! I have to do something**” I got up one day, suddenly out of bed. I guess I should also say that my belly that came out of the tracksuit set I ordered also had an effect. A greed gripped me. Just because I'm going to wear that sweatpants before my stomach comes out. All these reasons created ROBOT to get me on my feet. I got up and my first job was to write down my wishes and goals until the new year. When you say target, do not think of big things from the language that everyone understands; One day, yes, not eating sugar for just one day in 30 days may well be a goal for me in this period. It's a pretty big target! So be realistic when setting goals. Determine your path according to your own reality, not according to others.
Right after, I named this December month we are in: the Sparkle Month. I think it's a good name to close this year, which we have barely spent in the world, in the best possible way, do you think?
In line with my wishes, dreams and goals, I started to make a calendar for myself for the month of December. I saw that what we call the month is 30 days and it is very long; it is very likely that I will not keep my promise to myself and then I will beat myself up, throw myself around, get angry with myself, be disappointed; So I decided that it would be healthier for me to divide a month into weeks and make weekly plans.
An inspiration and motivation came to me last night; I was making a calendar for myself at 03:00 in the morning for the first week of December; day by day, hour by hour. Promising to stick to the schedule, but telling myself profusely that I would be flexible enough to play with it, make changes, if needed, and never deprive myself of compassion. This part is also important; There's a masculine-feminine balance right here, but we'll be talking about it another week.
When I woke up in the morning, everything was very different and it was not as I expected. Let's talk about how the first day went for me after so many decisions and motivations, what do you think? That's another story. I would like to close my article by saying: The more we accept the reality we are in as it is and then turn it to our advantage, the more comfortable we will be.
since there is such a truth; we are at home. then how about creating weekly calendars for yourself in the best way for you, instead of getting lost in the void; Of course if you have such a need? Let me give you a little advice for this week. Hope to see you again next week.
In life, the time cycle moves not in a line, but in a spiral, we go through the places we passed over and over again. Events that we say “**I have experienced this**” or “**I have passed through here**” are like obstacles that reduce our lives on the way to save the princess but do not kill us, they give the message of being more careful, more aware, more “**in the moment**”.
We should know and discover ourselves better by looking for answers inside, not outside, not labeling ourselves with what we find deepest, and most importantly, being aware that all people experience the same thing. We are part of this cosmic totality, a totality. In order to grasp our role, we must turn within ourselves and be in the flow, knowing that it will come by itself, without making it an expectation. I think that the difficult times we live in develop outside of us and cause a collective awareness and awareness. If we are not satisfied with what is going on in our life, we should remember that we have the only power to change it and we should not give up until we find it.
Everyone we meet grapples with challenges we are unaware of
I first read it on a sticker affixed to a mirror and was impressed: “Be kind, because everyone you meet is dealing with challenges you may not realize.” How true it was and how much compassion and awareness it contained. Right in the middle of the frame in the mirror is my own title with its troubles, troubles, dreams, hopes, joy and sadness, and this article, which I later learned was Plato's word in the lower right corner. I remember looking at myself and an article for a long time, smiling.
Don't you think there's a lot going on inside and outside right now? Even if you are doing the things you love and enjoy the most, meeting with your favorite people, detoxing yourself by watching the news, is your first agenda based on anxiety, fear, and from time to time complaints due to the known epidemic?
The way we handle life, the way we live, and our reactions in difficult times are different for each of us. While some of us overcome the processes by laughing, acting as if there is no problem with the outside world, and brewing it inside, some of us go to bed with trouble from the first second to the last.
In my personal yoga practice for a while, for health reasons, I had to slow down, be gentle, even give up many of the poses in which I made progress and return to the starting poses. There were two issues at once; both are more than enough to hurt me. One was in an area where I thought I was getting stronger, obviously because I was tired more often than I could handle. My body thankfully was nothing like my mind and gave the necessary warning to stop immediately, and as soon as I received this precious signal, I stopped.
In fact, we are all as strong as we are in the subject that hurts and wears us the most.
The other point was that a situation that I had been interested in awareness for many years, I took care of myself in every way, I went through research and examinations, but my awareness alone was not enough for diagnosis and treatment had now reached a point that was so obvious to physicians that it could be diagnosed in an irrefutable way.
Even in matters that we seem to be in a strong communication with within ourselves and with great awareness, we are sometimes strong to the extent that the external conditions with which we communicate the most are strong.
I'm sure you've heard the saying, "**A chain is only as strong as its weakest link**" which was first published in **Thomas Reid**'s "**Essays on the Intellectual Powers of Man**" in 1786. Even if almost all of the links that make up the chain are very strong, the risk of breaking or breaking can only be evaluated according to the performance of the weakest link.
If we bring our conversation to the dimension of relations between people who will turn from the inside out, the epidemic in question, which blockaded the lives of all of us, reached 27 people on December 31, shortly after it was first seen in Wuhan, China on December 12. Just 2 days after the Wuhan province declared the virus had turned into an epidemic on January 11, the virus was detected in a country outside of China. The continuation is as you all know and experience.
If I were to start gathering what I wanted to share today from my own health situation, other parts of my body that have strengthened or reached a certain flexibility did not help me to continue while I had the pain in my chest, it could not be. I was as free as the pain in my chest, as mobile as that pain allowed.
My self-awareness and my follow-up alone had a benefit, up to a point. I was able to protect myself as much as the physicians I was in contact with had knowledge and ideas. The world was able to protect itself as long as China and the Chinese people could detect and prevent the issue. And again, we will be safe, healthy and refreshed as much as we can be healthy, thanks to the discovery of vaccine and treatment by one or another, the power of self-sacrificing and veteran healthcare professionals.
That's why we have to develop together. Of course, I am aware that what I am talking about is not easy at all. Regardless of the subject you are interested in, you may feel like a person who has been wronged and wasted when you see those who do not pay as much attention as you do to an epidemic or a personal issue, do not understand the seriousness of the situation, and even worsen the situation. You may have anger towards those people who create these and similar situations. Allowing these -in fact- healthy feelings, seeing and noticing the presence of anger if it exists, but not turning it into violence, accepting its existence without resisting it, allowing it to transform in its own time without being caught in its swirl can be one of the best choices.
If we are to be successful at the end of the day, our intention is to strengthen our weakest link, internally and externally. Fernando Pessoa completed Plato's sentence that deeply affected me and I am sure many of you who have read it or have read it before, as follows: "**Don't make fun of anyone, never humiliate anyone, even in the most remote corner of your heart. Human life is too sad and serious to be ridiculed!**”
My belief and invitation is that; the starting mind we need. The curiosity for those firsts, the level of understanding and support before the experiences. The state of being able to accept the possibility of going back to the beginning if necessary, before life forces us to start over.
We can only do this together. With an awareness and compassionate attitude towards everyone and everything that we can reach, and as non-judgmental and friendly as possible to those and areas that challenge us.
Maybe you have been following my articles for a while, maybe we met for the first time today. If you have a curiosity and enthusiasm about the possibility that this non-judgmental and friendly attitude can easily rise from within you without any coercion, then I have prepared 6 weeks for you to support those who want to understand your feelings about life more deeply, maintain this state of alertness, live this experience and protect it. I would like to announce that my program, which will continue, “**Recognize Your Treasure**” has started once again.
In the content of the program, I have blended my professional experience in yoga, meditation and mindfulness with the methods and information that are known and applied all over the world, which have contributed to making a difference in my own life, and that have followed thousands of people with their positive results.
Life is very precious to all of us. My aim is to contribute to the fact that more of us regularly contact the richness of their own living spaces and live more through these tools and information that make a big difference in my life.
With your permission, I would like to bring to your attention a few comments from those who completed the program that just finished and took place before that.
**1st comment:** It is an extremely understandable, simple and clean education, carefully prepared from thread by thread, from the sweetest trainer of the world, who has experienced and internalized everything he tells in himself, in his heart, and has a warm smile. It was a very enjoyable education that was far from chaos, blended with art, everything was considered individually. Thank you for touching my life, my world, my heart,
**2nd comment:** It allows me to get rid of a shell after meditation, the lightened peaceful state, the calmness that comes with guided meditation, staying in the moment, the awareness I catch with daily practices, the happiness of being in the moment, the feeling of "I'm alive, here I am" by following my breath. I would like to thank our practices and shares that create awareness in my feelings and thoughts. I am glad to have you and our paths crossed.
**3rd comment:** When I started meditation, my expectation was to learn to manage my emotional stress. As I progressed step by step in education, I learned how to increase my awareness and focus on myself for a moment in this fast flow of life, thanks to the techniques I learned.
These breaks that I gave myself in the course of the day not only increased my awareness, but also increased my focus and concentration time. Each week, as I felt myself shifting from one mood to another, I noticed a calm in the background. As this calmness reflected on my reactions, the flow of the day and my human relations, I started to experience positive changes in these areas as well.
Another thing I liked about this practice was the variety of meditation and the ease of integrating it into daily life. For example, I started doing many of the things I do with pleasure. In fact, I realized how exhausting expectations can be. Instead, I realized that having a curious perspective further benefits our acceptance of events or our progress through events.
And finally, she is a student-spirited trainer who continues to train herself in her field. It's literally a small-footed library that brings light to every question you have in mind. His radiant smile, his energizing existence invites us to this direction. On this occasion, all the knowledge, science, technique, practice, etc. you have given me. Thank you for the things.
**Nothing can replace the experience of living.**
5 Effective Methods We Can Use To Calm Our Dog
Anxiety, stress or restlessness. Whatever we call it, this kind of mood isn't just a human problem. Dogs may also feel bad mentally from time to time, and their behavior may change. Just as we need help when we are in such a mood, dogs also expect support. A dog experiencing anxiety, stress or restlessness will undoubtedly provide the best support for its owner. If your dog is in such a mood, there are many things you can do for him. But first you need to observe the signs of restlessness in your dog. Dogs use body language a lot to communicate. You can better understand what your dog means by paying attention to what they want to express with their body language. Here are the symptoms of restlessness in dogs.
-Shake
-Keep on alert
-Don't bark for no reason
-Aggressive attitudes
-Lip licking
-Frequent yawning
-Loss of appetite
-Salivation increase
-Fast heart rate
-Skin rashes
-Excessive weight gain
If your dog is showing some of these signs and you think your dog is restless, you should give him some support. Here are some effective ways to calm your dog down:
1. Open music
When you feel bad, don't you turn on your favorite music and suddenly your mood changes? The same goes for dogs. Music helps reduce stress and anxiety in dogs. Studies show that music with a particularly calm tone slows the heart rate, lowers cortisone levels, and reduces other stress symptoms in dogs. If you don't know what music to turn on, you can find dog calming playlists on many digital platforms.
2. Benefit from aromatherapy
Aromatherapy also works for dogs. It is possible to calm an anxious dog with aromatherapy oils. However, you have to be a little careful while applying it. Aromatherapy oils that you will use for your dog must be veterinary approved and suitable for use by animals. Also, when applying aromatherapy oils to your dog, you can usually rub it on your dog's neck or back. You should not apply the oil to an area where your dog is likely to lick, or to an area close to his nose.
3. Exercise
Who wouldn't be good to take a walk when your mood is low? If you think your dog is restless, you can exercise. In this way, you can help your body get rid of the extra energy and reduce stress. If your dog is hyperactive, you can take frequent breaks while playing, ask your dog to sit and wait during each break, while making eye contact with him. During breaks when your dog is doing these calming exercises, you should not allow himself to be distracted by other dogs. Excessive social stimulation can stress your dog out more than calm them down.
4. Practice calming tactics
You can reduce your dog's stress by practicing some calming tactics. For example, you can put your dog in a dim room with no external stimuli. Don't think of it as a punishment. You can leave a few pieces of clothing in this room. In this way, your dog can be calmed by some time alone. Sometimes you can also apply physical contact. You can gently pet your dog, let him feel your body temperature, and wait for him to calm down.
5. Reinforce
Reward your dog for reinforcing his positive behaviors. Teach him that behaviors such as jumping, barking, hyperactive tendencies that increase his stress are wrong. Do not make eye contact with your dog or touch your dog when he exhibits negative behavior. When you ignore him, your dog will calm down and stop that stress-indicating behavior.
Apart from all these, there is another very important thing you should pay attention to; If your dog is stressed or restless, be sure to review yourself. Dogs are very influenced by the mood of their owners. Your dog may be taking your stress or restlessness.
***Finally, I wanted to add a different topic.*** Changing assumptions with curiosity is acting with self-respect. The questions we ask ourselves are an opportunity to shake up the stories we carry and hold on to. I've prepared questions for you to reveal yourself when you're ready to see who you really are.
Instead of assuming your body is bad, you might ask: Where did I get the idea that some bodies are good and some bodies are bad?
Instead of assuming that others must feel a certain way about you, you can ask these questions: What would it be like to let other people have their own feelings instead of trying to assume I always knew what those feelings were?
Instead of assuming that there is something wrong with you, you can ask the question: What has happened in my life that could have made it difficult for me, and how can I show myself mercy for it?
Instead of assuming you can't change it, you can ask: What is one of the factors that make it difficult for me to change?
Instead of assuming that other people are better than you, you can ask the question: Do I really believe that any person is inherently better than another? Or am I just doing this to be tougher on myself?
Instead of assuming you're not successful, you might ask: How do I measure success and what should I do to feel more aligned with it?
Instead of assuming you're behind, you can ask:
Where did I get the idea that I should follow someone else's timeline?
Our Ways to Gain Healthy Living Habits
Every new thing is a great source of inspiration and motivation to make new beginnings in our lives. Some of the decisions we make and what we want to do are undoubtedly made up of our habits. Some of us are looking for ways to feel better physically, mentally and spiritually by getting rid of their bad habits, while others add healthy living habits such as sports, healthy eating, meditation and yoga to their lives. However, just like getting rid of a bad habit, acquiring a new habit is a very challenging process that requires slow and careful steps with certain strategies.
According to the results of a comprehensive study, our habits make up about 40% of our behavior in our daily life. Understanding how to develop new habits and understand the patterns in our current habits is extremely important for us to lead a healthier life, increase our happiness level, and be successful in what we aim for for ourselves.
***Is 21 days enough to form a new habit?***
There are hundreds of different views on how habits are formed and maintained. The most well-known of these is that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. However, studies agree that doing any behavior regularly for 21 days is not enough alone, and a much more comprehensive roadmap should be followed for habit formation. Although different approaches answer the question of “How to acquire a new habit?” in different ways, the strategies to be followed in all approaches in general point to the same points: Starting with a habit that is easy to implement, moving forward with simple and accessible goals, maintaining your momentum as you progress; last and most importantly to be determined, consistent and patient. Let's take a closer look at all these strategies.
**1. Start your target habit as it is easiest to implement**
One of the things we all need most in the process of building a new habit is motivation. As you try to form a new habit, you may find yourself saying things like 'I wish I had a little more motivation' or 'I wish my will was a little stronger.' However, what we call willpower or motivation, just like the energy in our muscles, can decrease with overuse. Motivation, which can wear off over time as it is used, can sometimes be high and sometimes low in our lives, with a fluctuating pattern called the 'motivation wave', in the words of BJ Fogg, a Stanford University researcher.
In order for the fluctuations in your motivation level to affect your determination and habit formation process as little as possible, you can start by determining a habit that is so easy and simple that you do not need motivation in the first place.
For example, if you aim to maintain an active lifestyle and add sports to your life, you can start with an exercise program of 10 minutes, not 1 hour, in the first place. If your goal is to spend 30 minutes meditating every day, you can get started with just 1 minute of meditation. In summary, you can start with activities that do not require high motivation and whose difficulty does not change depending on your motivation.
**2. Increase the dose and frequency of your actions as slowly as possible**
You may want to progress rapidly in the process of acquiring a habit that you started with great motivation and desire, and you may want to place this habit in the center of your life quickly. However, as we said above, motivation and willpower can differ from day to day. You should consider this fluctuation in your motivation in order to maintain the same behavior and maintain your consistency and routine even on days when your motivation is low. For this reason, instead of waiting for miraculous results at the beginning, taking small steps and increasing the dose of your behavior in a controlled way, even if it does not satisfy you, is one of the most important requirements for developing new habits. Seeing that you can continue your behavior with perseverance and determination even in the most difficult times will help you increase your willpower, increase your motivation and establish a stronger bond with your habit.
**3. Try moving forward by dividing it into parts**
When you follow the above steps consistently and decisively every day, you may realize that you have come a long way in 2 or 3 months at the most and your behavior has turned into a habit. When you integrate every habit you want to acquire into your life in a reasonable way, you can maintain your momentum and easily perform the behaviors you want. For this reason, in addition to gradually increasing the frequency and intensity of your behavior, you can work on the final goal you have set by breaking it into parts, 2 or 3 months after you start the change process.
For example, if the habit you want to gain is to meditate for 30 minutes, you can start with 1-minute meditation practices as the first step, gradually increase your meditation time to 15 minutes over a 2-3 month period, and then do two 15-minute meditation practices during the day, which is your ultimate goal of 30 You can complete the minute. Similarly, it will be much easier and more practical to divide your exercise routine, which you target as 50 minutes a day, into sets and perform 10 sets of 5 minutes each.
**4. Keep moving forward without giving up when you miss the end of the rope**
We all make mistakes, are tested by incessant challenges, or fall far behind the performance we expect from ourselves. The most important thing that distinguishes successful people from others is not to make any mistakes or to be lucky, but to be able to quickly recover and continue where they left off for their goals despite all difficulties and mistakes. Studies show that missing any habit or behavior that is intended to be converted into a habit for once has no measurable long-term effect. Therefore, we need to learn to pick up where we left off, without having to have perfectionist expectations in the process of acquiring a habit, without acting with the idea of 'all or nothing'.
Of course, this does not mean that you have to expect or accept failure. However, it is very important to have a plan B that you can activate in case of a possible failure, so that you can continue your habit from where you left off. Therefore, while trying to acquire a new habit, give yourself time to review the environmental or individual factors that may prevent you from gaining this habit. What obstacles might stand in your way? Which of your weaknesses do you succumb to the most when you are stressed or nervous? What are the events or situations that could easily lead you astray? What can you do to overcome all possible obstacles that may come your way? How can you quickly get back to your routine and stay on track despite the challenges you can't overcome? Remember, you should focus on being consistent, not perfect, on this journey.
**5. Be patient**
Being patient and advancing with an acceleration that you can easily maintain is a must in this process. What is more important than being consistent, willpower or motivation in the process of creating a new habit is to be patient. As long as you're patient and consistent, you won't believe how fast you've progressed. Patience is the key to sustainability.
In summary, new habits, especially at the beginning, should be so simple that they do not require motivation, and so easy to implement. As long as you are consistent, determined and patient, you can find that your habit integrates easily into your life without making any extra effort. Remember, gaining a new habit is much more difficult than developing that habit and requires different skills. Hope the above steps inspire your change and transformation process!
Let's Explore Ourselves with the characters in the Blob Tree
Do you want to play a little game? Before reading the article, please look carefully at the picture below. Which of these 21 little people do you resonate with? Look at the picture and, without thinking much, write down the numbers of the little guys you feel closest to right now on a piece of paper.
This test is a **Blob Tree** application developed by British Psychologist **Pip Wilson**, who is an expert in emotional intelligence development. It is used in coaching work with both children and adults. Pip Wilson is a world-renowned psychologist and educator working to help people find their maximum potential and balance in life.
When you look at the picture, the characters you see in the first place and feel close to you give information about your current general life flow and situation.
If you wish, you can also use this method to clear your way on a subject that you want to progress but somehow get stuck. In this case, first focus on the issue you are currently struggling with, and look at the picture and ask exactly where you are right now. In response to this question, mark the character that comes closest to you in the picture. Then move on to step two, focus and ask what your goal is with it. Choose the second character that comes closest to you in the picture as the answer and mark it as well. In the third and final step, ask what is the first step you need to take now to reach this goal. Choose and mark the little man who shines on you in the picture as the answer. Thus, in the first stage, we have revealed your current reality, in the second stage your goal, and in the last stage, what is the first step you need to take to reach this goal.
If you wish, you can take the test one step further, ask the second step you need to take, and read the message it wants to give you by marking the little man you have chosen.
If you've done your work, now we can look at the results together:
If you picked the little guy 2 or 3, you are an ambitious and confident person. You know that you will always be successful and that favorable situations will always arise to assist you in your progress.
The number 1 little man is a self-confident, contented and optimistic person, an intelligent person.
Little man number 21 is someone who strives but doesn't know how to find the best solutions for his life. He must learn to ask for help from those around him and to let go of his suspicious nature.
If you pick 9, 19, or 4 of the little guys, it will describe you as unsocial, suspicious, and overconfident. Man number 19 may have narcissistic tendencies and may be jealous of the success of others.
Little man number 4 gives up too quickly, does not trust his extraordinary potential.
Little man number 9 will do anything to prove himself that he is great, but he is someone who wants to keep his solitude because in this way he justifies his distrust of others.
Little people 7, 11, 12 describe communicative people who know how to offer support to their friends. These people have high emotional intelligence, which helps them cope successfully with life situations. They have team spirits, see the bright side and always find solutions.
Little man number 5 is creative, loves life, enjoys every moment of it, loves it and knows how to be grateful for all the good things around him. This helps him maintain a positive outlook so he always has doors open for the best!
Little man number 6 needs to feel loved and protected and know that he is safe. He is the person who always falls in love with the wrong person because of his unexpected need for love. This little man must learn to see more carefully not those who do not understand his vulnerability, but those who can help him in his development.
Little man number 13 is filled with despair and loss of hope. He must do his best to realign himself to the tree of life. By seeking the support of loved ones, she can easily regain her self-confidence!
Little people 16, 17 and 18 are optimistic, full of life, have a team spirit, perform in all areas and look at challenges with impartiality.
Little guy number 18 likes to feel loved and appreciated, and when he does, he'll be your best friend!
Little man number 14 is a philanthropist and does anything to help others. It is characterized by a lot of empathy and a "great spirit". This little man must learn to take care not only of others but also of himself!
10, 15 and 20 little guys are the winners. Even though everyone has different ways to succeed, these people are the ones who enjoy the taste of success.
Number 20 is ambitious, confident and full of life, innovative and not afraid to take risks. His independent character and passion brings him many success and satisfaction.
Little man number 10 is ambitious but also very cautious. His hard-working and determined character brings him success in almost anything he desires. He always stands out with his ideas and is appreciated in every environment.
Little man number 15 is more motivated by the beauty of the road to success than by success. She wants to learn new things, have new experiences, meet people and learn from each of them. It is full of curiosity.
Little man number 8 is a dreamer and romantic. He just likes to have moments of his own. In this way, he regains his energy and creates his life and socialization mode. It is important that loved ones understand their need for isolation and create the necessary space to meet their needs.
What do you think? Do you think this method is useful? You can review the results by applying it for yourself and your friends. I think it's a pretty interesting study, and when I tested it on people around me, I found it got pretty interesting results. It also made sense once again how different each of us is. Would you consider adding this method to your life as a self-help tool? Could you share your ideas and experiences with me in the comments area below?
And please use all these tools to add a different perspective to your life. No single tool can solve everything. Please don't take it too seriously.
Always remember that it's a game, ask questions, get answers, but always make the decision yourself. I hope it will contribute to your life.
Love Your Face in the Mirror, Accept Yourself
Every thing is change. Nothing stays as it is. It exists in the cycle of the universe, in the rhythm of life. It seems impossible to show a single thing that is fixed, that prides itself on its sameness. Those who swim against the current know this by heart, but they never stop resisting, which is the ancestral sport. Imagine what it would be like if you were in the flexibility of bamboo? How would you connect with the universe if your root was strong and flexible? Feel what it would be like if you danced with the wind without resisting the wind.
Remember that buildings that survive even during an earthquake are those that can sway with a yawn. To be in harmony with the reality of the moment is to accept it. Whenever things get tough, try to accept that the possibilities of the moment are limited. It is not a state of negative thinking, but rather being aware of one's faculties. If you accept the reality of the ending, you will flow with life. You know, as they say, "Water flows, it finds its way", that's how it is. Learning to cope with what life brings and accepting that reality is at the center of our lives means choosing to live. And look this way.
It's spring weather outside.
It's raining cats and dogs!
A boy on the street corner
barefoot, barefoot, trembling, with frightened eyes,
looking at passers-by,
At that moment, I am going to the ground from my shame!
All of a sudden my soul is cold
I feel like I'm frozen to the bone!
Running out of the house
In one breath, I find myself next to the child,
I hug and hug you warmly!
Questions come out of my mouth in one breath,
What's your name?
Why are you out in this weather?
Don't you have a mother or father?
are you going to school? how old are you?
The boy looks at me confused
It's obvious that he's stunned in every way!
The child starts to talk a little embarrassed, crying.
I don't have a name
just a bread fight
I have no father, my mother is sick, my brothers are hungry,
I couldn't go to school, I'm nine years old"
At that moment, tears are flowing from my eyes to my heart!
Abandoned to its nameless fate,
out of thousands of children out there, only one
It is not known how many unfortunate children there are! As long as we are an insensitive, selfish society, it is unknown how many children there will be!
I think, if each of us can touch the heart of a child, if we can touch it, I'm sure;
children will not be left to their fate!
In times of pain, let it flow, sadness, anger, mourning or whatever. Surrendering to pain allows you to take steps forward with compassion, grace, peace, clarity and ease. "Alas, am I a prisoner again, blind darkness again?" every moment you say, it actually liberates you.
As long as you take a picture of that moment, take paints and paint your picture. Kick wildly on a floor or. Roll on the grass. Throw yourself into the seas and lakes. Stroll yourself as you swim, anchor on your own shores as you feel the water. This is how one becomes free. If everything has its opposite, which it is; When you accept that you're a prisoner, your freedom dance begins. When you mourn your soul, an altar makes the sun shine through the dark clouds.
Acceptance is not giving up or surrendering. There is no helplessness or captivity here. See if your defense mechanism is strong. Can you distract yourself? Do you like to judge? Do you give a lot of critical reactions? See if there's control on the bridge. Are you putting excuses on the shelves of your mind, see.
Accept the times when the words multiply, then be quiet. Embrace the richness in silence.
Love your face in the mirror, accept yourself. Love the most improbable. Don't wear medals, but say, "You're here, I see." Love your flaws. Your flaws are what make you who you are.
Communicative Experiences with Your Own Center
Let's see how is it about yourself?
How do you welcome an experience that comes into your life?
Do you spend your life trying to attract the good and pushing the bad?
Are you in the effort or in the balance?
You can't really have a relationship if you're not at your center, if you don't know who you are. Osho says, "**The only reason you need a relationship is because you can't be alone**". All relationships born out of necessity will get you into a whirlpool after a while. Expectations hurt, you lose your true strength and you begin to weaken. A true relationship is based on love and acceptance. There the self is preserved and there is space for freedom for both parties. Building a real relationship comes first from sincerity with yourself. For this you have to be one with yourself.
Forgive the past and yourself. Whatever happened, happened, and what was said was said. What does the German need? What behavior do you need to convert? If behavior does not change, experience does not change.
Now stop complaining. Whatever you are experiencing, look at the benefit it brings to you. Because no experience is one-sided good or bad. It is the whole and it has to do with how you see it.
Love yourself and create your own worth. No outside action or word can make you feel valued. Unless you feel valued.
Explain. When you are hurt or angry, don't keep that feeling inside. Improve your ability to express at the right moment in that moment. It's your responsibility to express it, and it's the other party's responsibility whether it's broken or not. If you want to have a lying relationship, of course, you can act politically. I'm talking about a real relationship, a relationship beyond interests.
Give up on ideals. All are accusatory. Try to observe the needs and feelings of the other person as much as you observe your own needs and feelings. What does he need? Why is he acting this way?
Don't compare and be yourself. Comparisons always create shortcomings. There are always better than you, there are always worse than you. What matters is how you treat yourself.
Breathe into your belly. Because your wife means your center, it means me, and it means the place where self-confidence, self-worth and creativity come to life.
I wouldn't say be selfish, but don't put your needs and feelings behind. Remember, everything is a reflection of your relationship with yourself. Your relationship with your child, your partner, your family, your coworkers, your social relationships with your sibling are all reflections of you. If there is a war inside, it is reflected outside, if there is kindness inside, it is reflected outside.
Be kind to yourself. Dot.
Did I contribute to this one by one while the souls were diminishing in the world? While the streets were merry without the twilight of the night, now while crying with the sobs of silence, the agony of those who caused it, that I could not oppose it by saying "don't cause it," covers the pain, sitting at home while my burning soul is burning feels like cruelty! A few scraps of paper for what, for the yellow metal found in the ground? You know, who took it, let him say that he took it, let those who are deprived of honor who did all this cruelty come out and show it! When I can't explain something to myself, how can I explain it, while words are not enough, under the falling bombs!
I know that if I cry, there will be no cure all night long, even if I do not cry, the storm will not end soon!
I have hope in my Lord, I know it is endless, I wait patiently, why do I wait while I wait! What do I say when I'm on the road? On the way out, you know the will to take a step, the will, the effort, the effort? Who says my soul almost watch more, someone will appear, don't be parsley! My dear soul, why are you being parsley for everything? Let me explain? You, who can't say step by a millimeter while inches of souls are being taken with torture, according to whom are you telling me, O shameless!
Though they say happiness is bought with suffering, so should it wait a little longer? Or should a step be taken while in agony? I couldn't solve it, I was in a dilemma! If I don't participate, if I don't suffer, won't I end up the same?
Otherwise, we don't have to allocate a room and say "Here is yours" just because we can't keep the suffering from flying over our heads, how are we going to find happiness unless we look for a way out?
Instead of letting it make us sad every day between us, we can get closer to happiness by planting the seeds of smile.
Reasons That Prevent You From Enjoying Our Success
I start with a good word. When you see one of us rise, you want to tear it down because you feel inadequate and your only desire is for that inadequacy to be perceived as modesty. ***Adesanya***
There has always been a time when you made a big or small improvement in your environment and your light shined in a different tone on a subject. If you are surrounded by a sincere wholeness; Every sentence, every support, every criticism keeps you going further. However, on the contrary, it is possible that you will encounter approaches that may cause you to be intimidated and hinder your development.
For example, you have achieved a significant rise in your workplace and you want to share it with all your motivation. Just as you describe your joy beautifully; someone corrects a wrong word when you speak, or that your success is simply due to your work without rest or sleep; he explains with all his humility that he could do the same if he could renounce sleep. Sometimes you get off topic and make sarcastic allusions to your outfit choices, and sometimes your success isn't even congratulated and ignored just to be trivialized.
And after being exposed to these behaviors, maybe you decide not to show your heightened value, success, or that developed side of your personality any more. your enthusiasm; it has been systematically filed and your process of becoming ordinary and adapting to the medium has been successfully completed. This cycle is for people who are ahead of their surroundings in certain areas; It is a phenomenon that continues to live in schools, universities, workplaces and social circles.
**“Tall Weasel Syndrome”**, a term frequently used in Australia and New Zealand, actually describes what happens during this ordinaryization process and finds its expression when people are attacked, disliked, criticized or humiliated because of their achievements or their outstanding talents. People who are belittled, intimidated and offended by their success and ambitions may lose their self-confidence and their progress may be hampered by the fear of being the subject of potential ridicule.
The Tall Weasel Syndrome is etymologically rooted in a story that took place in the sixth century BC. Sextus, son of Lucius Tarquinius Superbus, a fierce Roman King, sends a messenger to ask his father "what he should do." Sextus has become quite powerful in the Gabii region and seeks advice from his father. Rather than answering the messenger verbally, Tarquinius goes to his garden, grabs a pruning stick and hurls it at the poppies. So he cuts off the heads of the tallest poppies growing there. Unable to get a verbal response, the messenger turns to Gabii and tells Sextus what he saw. Sextus realizes that his father wants Gabii to kill his most competent people, and he does so. This story; It is also described in the books of Aristotle and Herodotus.
In the 1980s, a study was conducted by selecting 1,531 students in South Australian high schools. The reactions of this group of subjects regarding the setbacks experienced by high-achieving students were evaluated. With the results, the subjects; Researchers found that high achievers were satisfied with their decline, and after a high success, they thought to be more friendly to those people by decreasing the average scale. Studies conducted at Australian universities in the same period also revealed that those who have negative attitudes towards successful people have low self-esteem and give less importance to the values related to the concept of success.
So, in what situations do we realize that we are being intimidated or that we are putting this pressure on someone? The following responses will be familiar to most of us:
To say that the person featured is just lucky.
Pointing out minor or unrelated flaws in his face.
Exclude from a particular group.
Refusing to cooperate.
Sting with sly words.
Making jealous.
Constantly looking for fault.
Most of the time, you may not be aware that you have **"tall ferret syndrome"**. Some key indicators include:
Don't be afraid to share new ideas.
Losing ambition and not pursuing goals.
Fear that your success will offend your peers.
Letting go of your goals so you don't stand out from the herd.
Talking about your achievements to others, or even yourself, as if it were a negative phenomenon.
Don't be afraid to celebrate success.
criticize or undermine those who display their difference, originality, ambition and unique talents; creates a cluster of fear and anger. These disjointed hate-based clusters tear society apart. We need to rethink how we view the success we see in ourselves and others. Because almost all the time, we are alternately both the one creating the negative reaction and the one subject to the same kind of reaction. Instead of pushing people to step forward, we need to figure out how we can make room for them to thrive and let the community witness great work without being deprived of it. The more people turn inward and develop their own creativity, the better the chances of becoming a functioning society.
What approach should we take?
**1-** Contrary to popular belief, there is no limited amount of success on earth. The rise of another neither diminishes nor destroys the slice of the pie of other members of society. On the contrary, with development, the pie becomes even bigger. The success of those around us increases our own success and abilities; does not limit them. That's why we should always keep our perspective wide so that doing creative work does not cause guilt or shame on people.
**2-** It is important to regain the state of “Fairness”. Success is not a predefined destiny. Sometimes, because of this fatalistic understanding, it may be decided that you don't need further promotions or that you don't fit the mold. The mediocrity imposed by these common ideas; people who do not comply with the norms accepted by the society by heart; It makes you feel misunderstood or blocked. The more progressive approach; it's about providing everyone with a "fair way" to continue their work and reveal their own talents.
**3-** If you started to doubt yourself while taking a step forward, it would be appropriate to perceive it as a symptom of "Long Weasel Syndrome". Awareness allows you to distinguish data that will hinder your development and to come out with less damage from outside interventions. The way to reverse doubt is to try to understand how a situation can be used to your advantage rather than to your detriment.
**4-** The “value” inherent in sharing ideas and speaking should be accepted and space should be opened for it. Although humility is a virtue; A creative person may choose not to talk about their work because their opportunities are limited. This type of silencing also has devastating effects in the collective sphere. communication between people; Flowing around the ideas of feeding, supporting, and rising together, rather than ego wars, will bring social life to a better point in a holistic sense.
**5-** Instead of actually doing something, we should stop wasting time doubting ourselves or avoiding doing something new and different. Ultimately, it comes from feeling suppressed by the tall ferret syndrome, worrying about what "everyone" will think. So who is this feared “everyone”? We create the question and answer to the question of who everyone is. Figure out who the people who really matter to you are.
It would be wise to make this analysis according to the reactions given to you and the attitudes towards you such as sincerity and goodwill. If you get through this part by knowing yourself and daring to be yourself, it's time to roll up your sleeves and start doing whatever it is. In other words, staying at work is the best antidote to anxiety. You really have to come forward and say who you are and what you do. Develop awareness of the reactions around you and distinguish between genuine comments and sarcastic comments. The only thing to focus on is "being yourself"
Creating "I" with Good Living Habit
Sometimes, the excitement of the changes we will make in our lives, the decisions we make about ourselves, and that we will make a brand new start. I have previously shared with you how important it is to take new decisions and implement these decisions in a sustainable way, especially in the early part of the year. After reviewing the past year and looking at the strategies you need to follow to gain new habits, one last step remains. To determine what good living habits we will give more space in our lives to create a new '**me**'
While the unchanging goal of some of us is to lose weight and get in shape, some of us wish to end our quarrels. Some of us want to reduce the time they spend on the screen, some of us want to be a little more in touch with nature, and some of us want to lead a more economically free life. We think the list below can come in handy as you create your New resolutions.
Get your body in shape with regular exercise and an active lifestyle. Here you can find our recommendations on exercises you can do to lose weight and look fitter. Eat a healthy, balanced and regular diet. Learn how to deal with emotional eating, which diets can work for you, and how to eat healthy with healthy recipes without sacrificing taste.
Get rid of your procrastination habit. prioritize your work; Setting daily, weekly, monthly and yearly goals for yourself can help you break the habit of procrastination. Include mental practices such as meditation that will increase your concentration and mental skills.
Get to know new people. Online trainings and social media groups that share your interests are great tools you can use to meet new people in this period. Adopt a more active and active lifestyle. You can make a habit of not only exercising, but also walking for half an hour a day, using the stairs instead of the elevator, dancing at home or doing yoga.
Identify three areas of change, small, medium and large, related to your work or private life, and take steps to realize these changes. Strengthen your self-confidence by taking risks.
Look for ways to make more money. You can search for freelance jobs that you can do in your spare time by taking advantage of remote working and digitalization. Try to be kinder to yourself and other people. Take action for a more stress-free life. It may be helpful to identify and reduce the most important stressors in your life, or to acquire skills to help you manage your stress.
Be happier, more positive and optimistic. Improve your sleep quality. Take care to sleep earlier, wake up earlier, and meet your need for at least 8 hours of sleep a day. Get rid of bad habits that negatively affect your quality of life, such as smoking and alcohol.
Watch less TV shows, movies and TV. Reduce the screen time you spend in front of a tablet, computer and smartphone. Create a reading list of books you've been planning to read for a long time and start reading regularly.
If you are not in a romantic relationship, make room for love and intimacy in your life. Color your sex life. Promise yourself that you will keep your home tidier and cleaner. You can share your surplus and unused items with those in need, sell them as second-hand or use them in other forms by converting them.
Make small changes to your image and wardrobe by reviewing your style. Get rid of clothes, shoes and accessories that you think you no longer need or that are not your style. Spend more time with people who matter and are a priority to you. Albeit from afar. If you drink alcohol, reduce your consumption or stop consuming alcohol.
Plan your budget to clear your debts and manage your budget more wisely. Set achievable savings goals for yourself to save and save money. Learn a new language. If you have time, volunteer or donate regularly to a platform you trust. Focus on acquiring hobbies and new skills that match your interests.
Try to forgive people you are angry with by letting go of holding grudges.
Adopt a cat or dog. Make your living space and work environment more organized. Try to travel as much as possible and get to know new places, people and cultures.
Improve your cooking skills by trying different recipes. Have frequent check-ups and regular check-ups with your doctor. Be more punctual and learn to use your time more efficiently. Invest more in your personal development.
Learn skills that can help you stand up for yourself and help you become more independent. Look for career opportunities where you can integrate your hobbies and interests. Review your obsessions about your past relationship and try to get rid of them.
Learn to control your emotions. Try to take responsibility for your life and embrace every step you take, good or bad. Try to develop your intellectual knowledge about one or more of the branches of art such as music, theatre, cinema, literature.
Spend less time on social media and online platforms. While learning to defend and protect yourself by starting any defense sport, make sure you exercise regularly. Make room for romance in your life. Make romantic surprises to the person you are with.
Mark and celebrate important dates on your calendar, such as birthdays and anniversaries of loved ones. Try to be more social and expand your social circle. Strengthen your creativity.
Attend art events, workshops and training to help you express your feelings and thoughts. Face your fears and insecurities. Start writing a book or diary.
Make an effort to make the good living habits you are trying to develop permanent and consistent.
If you say, '**But how?**', no matter what decisions you have made to implement in all items, remember to have fun, spare time for yourself and your loved ones, and sometimes just enjoy the moment without doing anything!
Let's Change Our Unrealistic Self-Perception
My mind is never quiet.
I think the same things over and over.
If there is an important event coming up, I think about it so much that I can't sleep at the end, I get angry and unhappy.
Once I start thinking about an event that bothers me, I can't stop.
Thinking so much makes me feel helpless and alone.
I am so angry at myself for not being able to change anything.
Other people's lives are fine, but I can never be happy.
I wish I could turn back time and fix everything.
Negative thoughts recurring over and over in the mind. This is called rumination in psychology. Such repetitive thoughts are associated with depression, social anxiety, obsessions, sleep disturbances, and post-traumatic stress disorder. Having repetitive and persistent thoughts about yourself, your anxieties, and your life is a mental process common to all humans. This concept, which is defined as a state of constant preoccupation with a single subject or thought, is considered as an important cognitive process that plays a role in the development of many mental problems, especially anxiety and mood disorders. Such thoughts are uncontrollable, they become reversible and repetitive. It creates a predisposition to depression by causing negative memories to be remembered more often, by creating a feeling of helplessness, by causing negative thinking to continue, and by reducing the person's ability to produce effective solutions to their problems.
These repetitive thoughts lead to a more pessimistic view of the existing problem and a more critical and accusatory attitude towards yourself when interpreting the aspects of the problem that are relevant to you. Thus, you become more pessimistic about the solution of the problem, insecure in dealing with the problem and reluctant to take action towards the solution. According to the cognitive approach, the common functioning underlying all mental problems is distorted or dysfunctional thoughts that affect the individual's mental state and behaviors. In short, people's emotions and behaviors change depending on how they interpret events. Accordingly, people are not only affected by the situation they are in or by their past; What really matters to people is their current thinking about situations.
Having this habit of thinking that recurs in a chronic way also causes problems in interpersonal relationships. For example, being prone to rumination makes it harder for you to forgive those you disagree with and increases the tendency to take revenge. Or, on the contrary, an exaggerated sense of responsibility for the well-being of others, excessive self-sacrifice, dependence, and neediness. Constantly analyzing the past and making detailed plans for the future results in rumination. Although there are few studies on the developmental basis of rumination, it is thought that the family attitude may be a response model for the child; In a study of 5-7-year-old children with and without depressed mothers, it was found that children whose mothers were depressed were more passive and showed more helplessness in the face of frustration or failure. According to theorists, interventionist and judgmental mother attitudes, which do not allow children to cope with a problem, do not teach another approach to the problem, reveal these results.
In a study conducted with people with negative thinking cycles and recurrent depression, it was determined that the participants had a common statement: “Ruminations about the past help me to prevent future mistakes and failures.” This study also gives us an idea of why we ruminate. Rumination becomes functional because it provides a sense of control to the person. As a result, it becomes difficult to let go of something that has a function in your life. The feeling of inadequacy and the decrease in self-confidence and self-perception are also reasons for rumination. The increase in negative thoughts about oneself, others and the world also initiates rumination.
How does psychological counseling help you?
The definition of professional counseling adopted by the American Counseling Association in 1997 is as follows:
“The application of mental health, psychology, and developmental principles to address issues of individual well-being, personal and professional development, and pathology through cognitive, affective, behavioral, and interactional intervention strategies.”
In the book Psychological Help Relationships, says the following about psychological counseling:
*“Psychological counseling is a help provided by the psychological counselor who is a professional staff member. This help takes place through psychological methods and techniques.”*
Regarding psychological counseling and therapy competence, the Psychological Counseling and Guidance Association makes the following statement:
As it is known, only the Psychological Counseling and Guidance department provides the competence to provide psychological counseling and therapy services in undergraduate education. In addition to determining the definition and scope of the psychological counselor profession in terms of legislation, academic qualifications were determined by the Qualifications Framework.
However, it should not be forgotten that courses, certificates, thesis and non-thesis master's degrees, etc., are required to do psychological counseling apart from diploma. activities cannot provide counseling/psychotherapy competency.
Although psychological counseling is a mental health specialty in the field of health, it is a process that helps you cope with adjustment problems related to the situations you encounter in daily life. For this reason, individuals receiving psychological counseling are not described as "**Patients**" but as "**Client**". In other words, the psychological counseling process deals with the problems of “**Normal**” individuals in daily life. It is natural to seek help when you are unable to cope and adapt to the changes taking place in your life. In the light of this information, I can say that psychological counseling will benefit you as follows.
The problem you bring, your negative beliefs, repetitive thoughts in your mind, your unrealistic self-perception, your expectations from this process, your needs, the things that are not going well in your life and the things you want to improve in your life are determined. Your goals are determined and by using methods and techniques suitable for your goals, it is ensured that you can manage your mind and life in this direction.
As a result, you become more balanced and peaceful, both physically and mentally.
Let's Write Our Own Independence Story
As if kneading a dough, we join from one to the other from the bottom to the outside, from the inside to the outside. The game of life is full of endless riddles. Every time it comes out is a new you, that new is a new contemplation by folding in with your experiences.
The rules of the game are simple, the application varies depending on your belief and resistance mechanism.
-How much do you listen to your body?
-How much do you listen to your inner voice?
-How much are you own and loyal to yours?
-How much do you listen to your own word?
Do you drink that morning coffee just because of your habit, even though your body doesn't want it, or do you practice yoga because you believe it's good when your body doesn't want it?
Do you say yes because of your “beliefs” and “identities” you have acquired so far, even though he tells you not to get into those situations? Or when he tells you to "run, go", do you stop yourself on the road for the same reasons?
How much do you believe in your own opinion, your own invention? Do you watch the similar dreams of others to reveal it, do you entrust your existence to others? Or do you say "yes" to those who don't fit your idea just to be there? Are your fears driving you?
How much do you trust the promises you make to yourself? When you say "I won't drink coffee today", your hand reaches for the coffee machine hidden from you and you can't resist it?
Little exercises.
Each an exercise in self-love, each an exercise in saying yes to oneself. Life is a simple game. How willing are you to play this game?
We are tired.
Our resistance on both sides tired us. Our states that do not know how to stop in nothingness… Our minds, which cannot comprehend that beginning and the infinity of nothing, are tired. Our resistance to not being “evil,” our resistance to accepting “pain,” has left us powerless.
Do you have even more energy for defense? Will those arms always hang in the air?
Can you put both of your arms at your sides and let every emotion come and go?
But if you become "nothing", that is, an uncoded energy, every emotion passes through you calmly and easily transforms you.
This is not trying to be anything. It is the state of not fitting what it is into an adjective. It means okay. It is to watch. It is to magnify what you want while watching, to let what you don't want to pass without saying anything. Without producing a resistance, an emotion. Just watch. To watch, without trying to watch.
No matter how much it sounds like the unenforceable rules of the mountain and our judgments try to convince us of the impossibility of this situation, this is our essence. That's why it's so easy for us to adapt to this state. Remembering applies here! We remember. That we are a nothingness, a beginning, a vibration of infinity.
And this state is shaped by our mind, our soul. This is creation. This is a pure and original creation.
It is a creation independent of dogmas, beliefs and hidden agendas. It belongs to you and cannot be discussed.
And all this world practice is about being able to stand in this energy, to gain the ability of all humanity to reduce their "Godness" to this dimension.
On remembering.
What is it!
There is great movement in life, everywhere, in every moment. Each existence has its own unique color and timbre. This fastness is our only treasure that will take us to the whole. Our only task is to reveal it.
Our vital tasks cannot be put into an adjective like mental tasks. Vital duties do not point to results, they point to the way. The infinities of the path are shaped by your creative and unique vibration. That is, it gives you infinite will. Not an achievement, but to breathe in absolute existence, to draw the spirit in and to be fully aligned with it.
Getting out of the belief that life consists of the life of a human body (most of us have the knowledge, but do we have the understanding?) and keeping in mind the fact that it is an endless cycle, it is useful to be aware that we are actually in the creation of a divine existence at every opportunity. This anchor allows us to return to the center, to reality when we are lost in illusion.
When we go into the details, we are solving the mechanical emotional problems in the "helpless" limited world of our humanity. While we are wandering around, of course, we can be trapped by our own emotions due to the vibration of the divine and the infinite, and we may even tend to see everything in a limited and a pattern. But, as I said at the beginning of the sentence, these are mechanical emotional states. Places where we do an engineering, change the mindset, reshape the look. The changes we make here allow us to reach different feelings in our own whole, on our upper floors, to experience different awareness and to get closer to our center each time.
It is here that we mostly give up on creating ourselves, our hope is lost most here. However, this is where we build underwater. Failure is a mistake in our perception of time. Like drawing 8, we travel up and down each time. We become one inside and one outside, and this goes on endlessly, endlessly. If we look carefully, we are never in the same feelings as before.
That's why it's important not to judge yourself. Judgment makes you a guard at the beginning of an emotion. Neither the prisoner nor the guard can go.
In my times without you
I burn to drink
Have you ever heard of me?
I always mention your name.
I live your pain.
This period is a difficult one, an easy one, etc. I will not say. The world turns upside down and upside down. It always was, it is now. The only thing that has changed is the reasons. However, what we faced was always familiar and familiar. This time, in this scenario, today, now. Do you want to do something else?
Conscious that you are co-creator, even if you don't realize it yet, intending it, suggesting yourself.
There is nothing to overcome, nothing to pass! It's all happening and happening all the time, can you sing your own song, choose to have your voice heard, in this storm or in still water? Can you stop counting the waves and get in touch with your voice?
***Can you write an independence story?***
Do We Visit Ourselves Regularly
Imagine you have a small child who needs your attention. This may be your own childhood as it stuck in your dreams. Every once in a while, "**Is everything okay, do you need anything?**" means actually visiting yourself. How do you feel, what is going on in your mind, what part of your body is alive, what part of it tells you something?
The more routine your visit to yourself becomes, the easier and quicker it is to understand the state of your body or mental state. Thus, you look for the answer to your own needs first, not in others, but in yourself. By doing this, you will strengthen your connection and friendship with yourself. Whether you call it self-love, self-kindness, or self-compassion, you might end up thinking that they're all a way to connect with yourself the moment you're present. When you find that path for yourself, then feelings such as love, kindness, and compassion will automatically accompany you.
Every person needs to be seen, heard, loved, understood, belonging, valued and respected. These are the universal needs of all humanity. We tend to meet these needs mostly with the relationships and connections we build. Because we have expectations from relationships. When these needs are met mutually, there is no problem. However, if it is not met regularly from the other side, this becomes a problem. The balance in the relationship is shaken. At this point, being aware of and owning one's own needs plays an important role. Someone who can do this regularly will be in a position to do this for himself when the balance is broken in the relationship. If we consider the subject on a relational plane, regular visits to oneself will also help the person to be aware of their needs and to express this in a healthy way.
*-So how can you visit yourself?*
*-Actually, there are a few very simple questions for this. To yourself,*
*-How do I feel?*
*-What are the feelings in my body?*
*-What thoughts are crossing my mind*
*-What do I need right now?*
You can ask questions such as regularly. As you respond to these, you can choose what to do with the feeling, thought and need you notice. So you can take responsibility for them and give yourself what you need.
**For example**; If your answers are as follows: I feel tired, exhausted and unhappy. My shoulders hurt and I have tension in my jaw. I think about how the meeting tomorrow will go, but on the other hand, I think I should prepare no food at home. I need to rest and eat. If what you need in these answers is to rest and feed yourself, you can find a practical solution for eating, then take time to relax and perhaps allow yourself to do nothing. If you choose and do this consciously, it means that you act with full awareness and own your need! We live with examples like this a lot in everyday life, you can think and evaluate it for relational needs and act according to the answers you give. Just don't forget to visit yourself and take responsibility for your needs!
As you visit yourself, remember that every emotion and every thought comes and goes. It is important that your intention is to recognize and accept them. You can think of them as guests who have visited you. I want to end my article with a poem that I love very much as I started. Hope you keep this in mind when visiting yourself.
My lying spring
Being without you means half-heartedness, long nights
You know it better than anyone else,
Let before anyone else see me fading like a rose,
Nobody sees but you know much better
When the raindrop falls, I think of you on the ground,
I say that you are the wet lover again, you are not,
You know best to observe your ways in case it comes.
I loved your beady eyes and your heartwarming words over time,
I wrote my lifelong breath with you to death, understand now,
This soul is not mine anymore, do not think it will live again,
Understand from me to you, the owner of my heart, in these words.
I tried closed doors, forced it, couldn't open it again,
The love I lost myself while looking into your eyes
I believed, will you make you believe, other than me.
The Effects of Plants on Our Psychology
You may have noticed that you feel better in a place with plants. Those magnificent colors of plants, which are miracles of nature, watching them and touching them really always gives us happiness, isn't it? With the influence of social media platforms such as Instagram, most people have turned their homes into a botanical garden. If you are not a part of this trend yet, you can take advantage of the good power of plants by growing plants in your homes in this period when we all spend more time in our homes due to the pandemic.
The effects of plants on interior spaces have been the subject of many studies. According to a study, rooms with plants in them cause the perception of positive emotions such as kindness, happiness, joy, relaxation and tranquility. In addition, indoor plants have been observed to contribute positively to people's productivity and academic performance.
Other studies examining the effects of plants on us have revealed that indoor plants balance blood pressure and increase concentration and attention. Another study by Vitiello (2001) found that indoor plants reduce the stress level of people in the room and eye irritation, motivate employees, increase concentration and make the air cleaner. In another study, the participants in the rooms decorated in three different ways, including colored objects, colorless objects and indoor plants, were asked how they felt themselves, and the participants stated that they felt more friendly, more playful, more carefree and more affectionate in the room with indoor plants.
If you also want to take advantage of the beneficial effects of plants, you can obtain the most suitable plants for your home and become a member of the "house plant growers club" on Instagram after getting the necessary information about house plants from a flower shop in your neighborhood. Plants will not only beautify your home but also support you in stress management, which we all need nowadays.
Yes, there is a trend for growing house plants on social media. However, do not forget that the plant you take while you are alert on this train is a living thing and you should take good care of it. If we can't take time to take care of the plants regularly, it's best not to buy plants. Because a wilting plant will give us extra stress because we are not caring enough. But if you feel ready for plant care, you can easily surrender yourself to the healing energy of plants.
After this article, how would you like to listen to Stevie Wonder's album "Journey Through The Secret Life of Plants"? Wonder composed this album for the book "The Secret Life of Plants" written by Peter Tompkins and Christopher Bird, for the documentary of the same name shot by Walon Green. While you have listened to the album, you can read the book, watch the documentary, and create a nice event for yourself on pandemic days. For example, after giving your plants the necessary care, you can go under your favorite blanket with a nice herbal tea, listen to Wonder's magnificent album, and spend your weekend with a curfew in peace and quiet. I wish you days when you skillfully manage stress, especially in this pandemic period we are going through.
I still have hope - Story 2
In an hour of the night a fire falls in my heart
I think! What do they pay?
Unknown!
Wherever I see a child who collects bread from the garbage, and where the streets chase his bread, I feel bad!
Imagine a school-age kid, the streets are fighting for bread when he should be at school! Who knows, maybe he will take the food he finds from the garbage, the painting chest, the scale he throws on the street, and the bread he will buy with three or five cents to his siblings, to his sick mother!
Isn't it all a pain?
Especially, there is even more pain that the people who are bargaining to buy the products on the stalls that the old aunts threw out on the street to get the sustenance of their uncles!
He never thinks, we are not ashamed when we are bargaining with your pussycat.
We can reproduce these kinds of realities in our society with many examples. People who go to the market late and collect the thrown away, collect the food thrown by a grocery store with a blushing face, etc.
But is it they who should be ashamed or are they the ones who made them this way? Or are we the ones who do not question and think about what is happening around us? I guess we all have a share of our becoming like this, right?
There are also children who are barefoot, with a torn top, but who will be thankful for a slice of dry bread until the morning. There are also people who have everything in front of them but do not like them. So what about these?
Whatever you call pampering, self-righteousness, your appreciation is yours now.
I mean, every day we go one step back as a society. We, who could not sleep when our neighbor was hungry in the past, have now become a less sensitive generation.
We have become a generation that is insensitive to what is happening around us and does not question what is happening around us, saying "May the snake not worth us live one thousand lives".
But I still have hope for the future. God willing, we will reach the necessary material and spiritual welfare and leave all these behind us. The best of everything about us. May God help us!
***I wanted to share two articles at once. I hope you will like it.***
It's Possible to Transform Learned Helplessness
We learn everything in life. We learn by forgetting what we have learned. No one remembers how he learned to walk, to drink water, that is, to hold the glass, bring it to his mouth, and then put it down again. We learn what we can do now, our physical actions observed from the outside, as well as what to think, how to react and what emotion to experience in the face of events.
Of course, this is not a formal education that a teacher or parent teaches us by saying, "Sit down today, we will learn what to think and how to react when you fall on the ground." It is something we do in life, through lived experiences, by observing, modeling, and interpreting the reactions of the other party in our own internal system. Something about definitions, meanings, equals that we create in our minds.
When a child trips and falls to the ground, hurting a child is a physical reaction. The baby, who had announced all his basic needs to the world by crying in the past, when he did not know how to speak, responds to this pity by crying again. This is normal, however, it is a learned response. The mother comes and chooses from a million different reactions. And records are written in the child's mind for future use in similar situations. For example, when the mother says, “Okay, don't worry,” she records, “Yes, I'm upset right now and I'm not supposed to be upset, but it hurts, I'll continue to get upset.” The child learns a data about the feeling of sadness. "You're sad when you fall" data. If you fall = you get sad, the equivalent is created. Or you fall = your mother gets angry or you fall = even if you are sad, you should not be sad. Everyone saves the most powerful data of their experience in capital letters in the relevant folder to be used in similar situations quickly from now on.
It was also possible that the mother would have chosen one of the millions of reactions: “Because the skin on the knee was lifted when you fell, that area was a little worn, it bled a little, I understand that it hurts you. It will pass. After a while, the skin will start to form again, it will crust, let's put a Band-Aid there.” In this case, the system will process this data differently.
In the energy-saving brain system, that data comes out of the relevant folders to be used quickly in similar situations and quickly reveals our reaction. It doesn't have to be the same event.
Just as we learn everything and everything, we also learn how to react in every situation where we feel we cannot do it, that we cannot do it, or that we feel helpless. We tried once, we could not get that visa, we always fail in senior management presentations, we can never cook like our mother, we cannot own a house like our father, or it is impossible to do the job we want. We have learned all the helplessness with thoughts such as "It can't happen in our company", "Not in our country", "I can never do it", we are not aware of it. Our desperation turns into our beliefs, our beliefs into our behaviors, and our life, with such vicious circles, distracts us a little, as far as unrealized potentials offer.
While putting forward the theory of “learned helplessness” Martin Seligman conducted researches and experiments many times. All living things gave up trying after a while when their efforts were unsuccessful. Even though the conditions have changed, the idea that "nothing will change anyway" became so dominant that it was not even possible to see the conditions change.
Are we in learned helplessness? Saying, "We don't have such things here". Or when someone says "you tried many times, stop it". Learned helplessness is a trap, and unfortunately many people don't even realize they are in it.
Learning is a beautiful thing. Continuing to learn… On the other hand, learned desperations are equivalents that have been lost to the brain and no longer function, they carry us to the future with worn out, helpless, hopeless, abandoned feelings. These feelings and states are axes that have been struck at the productivity and true potential of human beings.
The question that a person should be able to look at himself from the outside and ask himself when he stops trying is: Why am I quitting, can I be in learned helplessness? Instead of quitting, “What can I do differently to reach that point?” Wouldn't it be better to ask?
If you're in any situation where you stop trying for a moment, don't let learned helplessness hold you back and ask yourself these questions:
-What do I really want?
-What have I tried to achieve this request?
-What do I need to see differently?
-What can I do differently?
-What does it matter to me what I really want?
-How do I motivate myself to try again?
-How do I turn my learned helplessness into learned optimism?
Like learned helplessness, learned optimism can be learned. I can talk about it in my next post. Stay with love.
Let's Take Over The Winter Darkness in 5 Steps
There are many factors that affect our behavior, the decisions we make, and our mood. Seasons are one of them. When we think about it, we are generally more energetic and happier in summer with long days in summer, light and warmth coming from the sun. Therefore, we tend to fall in love, make bold decisions, and make new plans.
In winters, with the shortening of the days and the cooling of the weather, changes begin in our country. We start getting less sunlight than usual. Our social activities are reduced. This affects our energy. We take on a more melancholic mood. There are obvious changes in the music we listen to, even in the movies we watch. These changes affect everyone differently. Many people fall into seasonal depression, especially with reduced daylight. So winter depression manifests itself.
What is winter depression?
The symptoms of winter depression are similar to those of classical depression. Serious changes are seen in the sleep and eating patterns of these people. The need for sleep becomes much greater than normal and certain changes are observed in food preferences. During this period, addiction to carbohydrates increases, along with weight gain. All this is accompanied by unwillingness, weakness, low energy, difficulty and unhappiness even in moving the arms and legs.
The most distinctive feature of winter depression is that these symptoms are seasonal. In other words, it is seen only a few months in the same season for at least two consecutive years, but not in other seasons.
How is it prevented?
**1. Get sunlight**
One of the biggest causes of winter depression is the decrease in daylight. Make sure you get enough daylight to counteract this effect. For this, wake up early, start your day early. Go outside if possible, especially during the hours when sunlight is most effective. The sunlight you get during the day will help you feel better and lively.
**2. Pay attention to your sleep patterns**
During this period, you may need sleep more than usual. Getting out of bed and starting the day can be harder every day. However, be careful not to change your sleep pattern, even if you make small escapes from time to time. Set certain hours for yourself to go to bed and sleep and try not to go outside of it. Sleeping more or less than normal during this period will make you feel more tired and exhausted.
**3. Interact with your social circle**
Although it is difficult to socialize, especially in this period, do not isolate yourself from your social environment. Get in touch with your immediate surroundings as possible. Make video calls, talk on the phone, if necessary, do activities that you cannot do face-to-face through various communication tools. But don't stop communicating and sharing with your friends and social circle. One of your most powerful weapons against depression is always your inner circle.
**4. Watch what you eat**
There are significant changes in our eating habits in winter. During this period, we especially tend to eat carbohydrate and fatty foods. Although this situation makes us feel good for a short time, it has the opposite effect in the long run. Since weight is gained at the end of this type of eating habit, our mood is also negatively affected. For this reason, try to consume the seasonal vegetables and fruits as much as possible and avoid fatty and calorie foods. Do not neglect to drink water.
**5. Move**
With the change of weather in winter, mobility is restricted in a way. Outdoor walks in summer are often delayed in winter due to cold weather. However, be careful to act during this period. Take short walks when the weather is nice. Do stretching exercises at home. The mobility you will add to your life will also reduce your fatigue and weakness.
I know we have deficiencies. Although we say we are complete, we always have something missing. Some of them lack conscience. The mercy of some. The love of some is the unfaithfulness of the others. Of course, we have missing parts.
**In summary**, I would like to tell you about depression;
Some complain about their shortcomings, some complain about being too complete. Some of them find their own shortcomings. Some look for others.
Dedicated to You "Make up your own shortcomings, do not look for other people". Yet how nice it would be. Something if people had found it in themselves.
@helmetjetrimi
