There are many situations in life that we cannot control; diseases, weather, traffic accidents, natural events, thoughts of others… None of them is under our control. The lives of all of us are full of events that we do not know what will happen beforehand, and that we cannot intervene even if we knew it. However, most of the time, instead of accepting that we can't interfere with them, we drag ourselves into the swamp of worries, saying, "What can I do, what can I do...".
Maybe we darken our days and weeks by worrying about a situation that will never happen. In fact, sometimes we worry so much about the problems that may occur that we don't even think about what to do if the problem actually occurs. Our worries take over our minds and cause us to struggle in a swirl of dark thoughts.
Being attached to things we cannot control, worrying about them all the time, thinking about them for hours even though we can't do anything can prevent us from moving forward in life. That anxious mood that we create for ourselves and that we can't get out of, stands before us as an important factor that hinders our development.
Why do we want to control everything?
Most of the time we think that we will be happy when we can control everything that is going on around us. Because we believe that if we can control it, we can arrange everything in the best way for ourselves. However, when we act like this, we do not make room for possible surprises in life and we miss out on better opportunities that may come our way.
Think about it, when something in your life turned out the way you didn't want, did you ever get very upset and say, "Good thing it happened..." after a while?
The urge to control causes us to restrict ourselves in all areas of our lives. Our thoughts, our actions, our opportunities, our relationships… It forces us to look at it all from a narrower window. By constantly intervening, trying to keep everything and everyone under control, we lose our flexibility and instead of letting ourselves go with the flow, we build barriers in front of us without realizing it.
Maybe we have a hard time accepting the existence of things we cannot control because trying to control something, knowing that we are always in control creates a feeling of security. That's why we're starting to brood over it. However, if we realize that we cannot control everything, or if we accept and accept this, we can easily get rid of unnecessary worries in the background that constantly tire our minds.
The only thing we can do is to work as hard as we can and successfully formulate our plan and start waiting by taking all possible precautions. We cannot control everything, but we can control how we react to things that are beyond our control.
Saying goodbye to worries and letting go of control
1. Accept
“We cannot control everything in life.” The storm arises; the flight is canceled, the teacher falls ill; the exam is postponed, a family situation arises before a very important meeting; We get upset, angry, maybe rebel, but there is nothing we can do to fix it, because none of it is under our control. Worrying or worrying about something that is out of our control does not get us any further than getting worn out. So start by accepting that you can't control everything.
2. Consider the worst-case scenario
Think about what will happen if things you can't control turn out to be the way you don't want them to. If you are prepared for the worst, you can feel more relaxed and stop worrying. If we're going through the wedding example, what happens if, at worst, it's rainy that day? You can talk to the wedding venue to take precautions, you can ask if the wedding area can be covered, if nothing can be done, you can take a spare shoe with you and dance in the rain. You'll get a little wet but have lots of fun. When you approach things from a different perspective, you can find fun solutions instead of worrying and stressing.
3. Identify your fear, anxiety
What is the main reason that causes you anxiety and stress? Are you afraid of what you will experience when whatever it is that you don't want happens, or do you think you can't handle it? Many studies suggest that many of the events we worry about do not actually happen. So why waste our time thinking about a bad possibility that may never happen?
4. Decide to quit
Stop putting pressure on yourself for things you can't control. Do not lock your thoughts, worries and stress in your body. Even if you worry about something that is out of your control, you cannot change anything. For example, you have an outdoor wedding the next day and you naturally don't want it to rain. Yes, you may be right in this request; You want it to be sunny weather so that the clothes don't get dirty, the guests don't get wet and everyone has a nice day, but there's nothing you can do but hope for the best. If it doesn't rain, luckily, you can have a day as you wish, if it does it will rain, you can't do anything about it.
5. Stop blaming others
Most of the time, when we are faced with a situation we do not want, we tend to blame others. We try to destroy the cause of the events, knowingly or unknowingly, with sentences that go on and on, such as "He came to the meeting late, did not adapt to me, did not understand me, did not listen to me, did his own thing, broke my heart, hindered my motivation...". These accusations will not add anything to us and cause us to be dragged down. Let it happen, instead of wasting time blaming someone, make more effort to adapt to new situations or take the next step.
6. Focus on what you can control
Focus on working on what you can control instead of worrying about what you can't control. If you are worried about your business getting worse, take the time to improve yourself and do more successful work. Instead of wasting time thinking about the negativities, make innovations that will produce positive results. Join courses, strengthen your communication, expand your social network; acquire skills that will move you to become better. Don't bother with worries, thinking about things you can't control, straining your mind under stress; Focus on what you can do, what you can change.
7. Learn to control stress
Try meditation practices that will calm your mind and help you get rid of your anxieties and fears. Get back to yourself, listen to yourself. Get rid of negative thoughts. Relax both your body and mind. Use breathing techniques for the emotions you have difficulty in coping with.
8. Believe in the power of affirmations
Place the affirmations, which we can define as “magical sentences”, which appear on many subjects and are included in various beliefs from the past to the present, in every area of your life. Let's remember the old sayings: "If you say something 40 times, it will become true." Make up sentences as if you have already achieved the things you dreamed of and want to come true, and repeat them to yourself often. Remember, if something negative is said 40 times, it can also become true. So instead of putting the things you worry about in your language and mind frequently, replace your words with affirmations.
9. Trust yourself and move on
Whether things go as planned or not, if you're trying to do your best, you don't have to think about the rest. Maybe not this time, it will happen next time. If your concerns have come true and you've already done your part, you don't need to think about it any further. Trust yourself and this time move on without focusing on anything that might be negative, without letting things you can't control cause you anxiety.