Why do I always want more? Are your expectations too high when it comes to your partner? Sometimes it feels like your partner isn't keeping up with everything you hoped for and imagined. As a result, you are left with an unsatisfactory love that makes you feel empty and lonely.
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One of the most common relationship problems today is unmet expectations. Most of us throw ourselves blindly and frankly into relationships. You tell yourself that this is what you expected, that you will finally have someone with whom you can share your life and achieve emotional stability. Often times, these expectations will end somewhere. Sometimes quickly, sometimes at the end of many years. Expectations and dissatisfaction with the relationship will often go hand in hand.
People say things like "You are a dreamer, you have to be more realistic" or "Your expectations are too high, so you always get disappointed." This may be true in a way. After years of work, you may be looking for something that doesn't exist, a concept shaped by Disney movies and romantic comedies. Perhaps you also put too much hope in a flawed person you don't really know yet.
However, at this point, we must clarify one thing. Having expectations is healthy and good. These expectations help you define what you want for yourself, so you won't be content with just the first person to come. Wanting to be happy, loved and approved are totally positive and realistic expectations. It's important not to expect everything to be perfect all the time, but the challenges you are experiencing should be worth it too.
When your partner doesn't meet these expectations, you will naturally feel like something is missing.
What can you do about expectations and relationship dissatisfaction?
Expectations make up the structure of your relationships with your spouse, friends or family members. They define your expectations, what you want in the short and long term, as well as your desires and hopes. In short, everything you think is necessary to make you feel safe, satisfied, and happy. In this sense, as we have mentioned above, it is perfectly normal to set your expectations and to depend on them to a certain extent.
Problems arise when what you expected is not what you get. Your partner's not meeting your expectations could indicate one of two things that is happening. The first is that your assumptions about your future with this person are unrealistic and disproportionate. In other words, you are preparing yourself for failure by waiting for the impossible.
The second reason is pretty obvious. Your expectations were healthy and normal, but what you experienced does not even provide the minimum satisfaction you expect. Sometimes frustration cracks open the ground beneath your feet and can upset your balance. What you experience every day will not be what you expect. There is a state of love or affection, but somehow it just doesn't seem to be enough.
Is it bad to have expectations for your romantic relationship?
The idea of living without expectations is a very popular idea today. People like to tell the benefits of including the unexpected and leaving expectations aside, not only about people, but about everything. Of course, they might be right in a way. But as rational beings, we need to feel that we have at least minimal control over what happens to us.
Expectations arise as personal beliefs and we can define them as our assumptions about what you want to happen in the future. Also, our expectations are advanced mechanisms that allow you to anticipate or imagine certain events so you know how to react to them. However, do you think it's bad to have expectations about your relationship or your girlfriend?
No, to answer briefly. It's not a bad idea to have a range of expectations about the type of relationship you want.
However, your expectations should be realistic, appropriate and as objective as possible.
For example, it is quite normal to expect your partner not to cheat on you. It is also a healthy expectation to expect your relationship to last more than two months, your partner to support you in difficult times, and your partner to be someone you can trust.
How to deal with expectations and relationship dissatisfaction?
Many people are not satisfied with their relationships. These people feel disappointed and even deceived when many things they expect are not there. Whether it's love or affection and you know your partner loves you, many things break the rhythm of your relationship.
The best thing to do in these situations is to define realistic and appropriate expectations that include what you want and what you don't. Identify your priorities and disagreements (deception, lack of compassion, lying, being emotionally closed, etc.). Once you've set your expectations and shared them with your partner, try to make room for unexpected situations. Be open to these surprises, too, for ways in which you and your partner will grow and change together.
In this aspect, you don't have to find someone that meets 100% of your expectations. Actually, in a sense, it's impossible to do that either. The key will be to find someone whose path matches yours.
