On Different Faces Of Death

No: 48-10

August 19, 2022

" It is not the end of the physical body that should worry us. Rather our concern must be to live while we're alive." - Elizabeth Kubler -Ross

No matter how natural and inevitable death is , we still fear it the most. Though we all know that we are going to die someday but we still can't accept the fact that it's the last stage of our existence into this world. It's not easy to condition our heart and mind that eventually we will all face death. It is not included in our plans.

Better to live everyday without thinking much of it as if we can avoid it to happen , live as careless as we could be. Chase our dreams and live our life to the fullest coz that's the world are feeding us to do and then suddenly , everything stop..and death comes to you...

You wake up in a room full of darkness. You started walking and went to a room with people talking and crying . You can see and hear them talking but they can't hear you as you ask them what is happening. You have no choice but to listen. They are talking about you. Talking about your sudden death. How you and your friends met an accident along the road . Your car crashed into a pole .

It was so sudden you are not prepared for it, who would be anyway? You cried as you see your mom and dad can't accept your sudden fate. Then you remember , you don't even tell them how much you love them. You did'nt even had the chance to say sorry to your dad coz of a little misunderstanding that you thought he's not proud of you. How about your youngest sibling whom you promised to take care of her expenses to school?

You did'nt listen to your mom precautions not to drink and drive coz you thought you know it already and you can handle yourself well. You have seen how tormented and shattered your girlfriend upon hearing the news. Oh , she's on the way carrying your child in her tummy.

"Some people die at 25 and are'nt buried until 75 "- Benjamin Franklin

On the other hand your girlfriend dies too upon your death. Her heart stops beating for others , it becomes numb. She loves you so dearly you became her life. Her heart dies upon your death . Only pain she could feel she wished also for death but it's not her fate yet coz she has child to bear and raise. It will take years for her to wait , until such time that it's her time to leave, she prepared for it for so long she welcomes death without fear.

While waiting for it to come she raised your child very well. Made sure that he'll be strong to face the world on his own. Taught him how to be good yet tough enough not to be fooled. Taught kindness and appreciation for all the things that he has. Be vocal to express his feelings and be considerate of what others may feel. Taught him that death may come unexpectedly and even if no one can be prepared for it's coming , it should be accepted as it is.

His mom and dad was utterly devastated too upon his death. It should be the other way around. We were not supposed to bury our child it should be us first and not you.

It's hard for us to accept your death and our hearts will always longed for you . The pain will not go away , we will just have to bear with it. As his dad crying infront of his coffin , he wished he told his son how much he loves him, that he was so proud of you. I just want you to be strong and responsible yet you walked away with me. My ways of molding you failed me but i will try my best to make up with your sibs.

Two faces of death. One that was sudden and the other one that is comparable to death and eventually lead to acceptance of death.

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My mom was an OFW all her life . A single mom who showed no fear in raising us. Brave warrior from the truest sense of the words. But everything had change when we found out that she has Stage IV Breast Cancer. I believed she knew about it when she's still abroad working but just did'nt give importance on the lump on her left breast. Disregard it probably coz she's always thinking about us. The lump was too big not to notice.

After a year and five months upon her diagnosis and she's gone...During her chemotheraphy sessions you will see her smile and will tell us " i will fight for you my dearests childs" i won't give up the fight and somehow it gave us hope . We know how brave she is and we believed she'll surpass it and get healed.

But as time goes by and her body starts to deteriorate we saw how hard it was for her. Vomiting , nausea, loss of appetite and extreme pains but still she's fighting. Until one night i heard her crying , trying to silence her self from wailing coz of pain. I heard her going downstairs and i silently went after her hiding myself in the corner of our stairs.

I saw how she rolled her body in the sofa and put a towel on her mouth so we wont hear her shout in pain. I saw her crying but trying so hard not to make some noise. Oh ! i was deeply in pain too coz i can't do anything about her sufferings. I can't hug her coz i know she does'nt want us to see her too vulnerable.

I went back to my room and just like her, cried in silence . I prayed and told God " if Death oh! Lord will be the only way to stop her pain then please ! death be upon her" . It will be fine to lose her for good coz we can't bear the pain of seeing her suffer a lot , she did not deserved any of it.

It was only two weeks that she was bedridden . But she stills stand up to go to comfort room to bath. We told her one of the nights that we are beside her bed that we are all going to be fine and good if she can't take it anymore. That she raised an equally 3 brave warrior like her. That it's ok to give up the fight. Giving up her fight against cancer this time is actually a victory. Coz this time we are not afraid of her death coz all along she prepared us to do everything on our own. Take your rest mama , we will be fine..

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Fear of death? or Fear of leaving our love ones? Can we choose our death? Of course not. Nobody knows. Different faces of death . Sudden , Natural and Death due to sickness. I can't seem to choose . It is not included in my plan but i know that time will come that i got to go. But until then i choose to live , live without regrets , love as much as my heart can and give as long as i can. And if my time comes...

"Look for me in the nurseries of Heaven" - Francis Thompson

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