Clarifying doubts.

I decided to write this article thanks to two responses I received on my previous article. My article simply refers to a person who is bitter, that feels frustrated and for her all things in life are dark. Nothing gives her a sense of life. Until she meets a person on her way through the park, while complaining about the air, the trees and the fallen leaves.

This person, my lead actor in this tale, meets a very happy person who is grateful for everything, who loves life even though a terminal illness is slowly taking them away. Who sees the wonder of life in the breeze, in the falling leaves of the trees and in everything that nature gives us without complaining about her illness and while waiting for her time to leave.

This experience makes the protagonist change her way of thinking. It made her understand at the end of the story that life is something different from what she had been seeing up to that moment and from that day on she felt that the person who crossed her path taught her an important lesson that changed her life forever.

That article has nothing to do with me. It’s just something created by my mind with the memories I had of my own experiences with people.

I’m a cancer survivor. When I went through this disease I saw many people like me who were suffering from this terrible disease, I had one of the worst cancers there is but with a good prognosis and with a survival rate of 95% if I went through all my treatment.

The worst thing about this treatment is that the treatment itself is one of the hardest and many people die without finishing it.

By the grace of God I entered the percentage of people who survive, the protocol says that some people only live for 7 years with quality of life. I have spent 10 years and I have no discomfort of any kind. But if it were touch me again, I’m not afraid of death. Because my life is in God's hands, I gave it to him to watch over me and when he decides it is my time, I will accept it, I will only fight with all my strength to survive if God allows me to.

When I found myself attending radiotherapy checkups I met many types of people and characters. Many of them were as cheerful as if the disease did not bother them. I met several people who were already going for the second or third time with cancer and their getting their treatments; I even met children who tolerated their treatments with so much courage.

It is different to see patients as… patients and much more different to have them as fellow sufferers. It’s like a family that sits at a table to share their things.

Now, touching on another point, I also read another comment where someone said that no one owns or chooses to live or die because God is the only one who can do it all.

I agree with that but in one part. God gives us free will. He teaches us the way to live and die in peace. But you know what? Sometimes we make the worst decisions in our lives and we make the decision to do things that even though God doesn't agree he allows to happen, people get depressed, commit suicide, make bad decisions with a life that was borrowed. Because it’s so much so that we can do away with the body but we cannot do away with the most important thing which is our soul.

So when people decide to end their lives God do two things, that this does happen or the person in question does not lose his body entirely, but instead remains alive with some functional alteration. Aware that he attempted against his life but could not beyond the power that God gives him.

I am a woman who went through a lot and God is living in me. That is why my articles are always with some teaching about the good things and gifts that God has placed in each of his children.

I generally write about my own convictions, I do not try under any circumstances to change ways of thinking. Mine changed completely when God taught me that he is the owner of life and death. We do not own anything, not even our body. That is why when we die our body is transformed back into life. And not in what we want but in what it should be.

I used to tell my son that I never cry, at least not out of sadness. I can cry out of empathy with a movie, with a very emotional phrase, with a particular grief but I never cry out of loneliness or negative thoughts. Well to tell you the truth I never did. Whenever I have allergies in my nose I always seem to cry and my son would always ask me “Mommy, are you crying?” And I would always reply, “No dearie, I never cry!” 

But one day he and I were arguing and then he told me that he hated me. At first I didn't believe him, I thought it was something he said in the heat of the moment, but then he told me so again sometime after, in a calm way, and I just looked at him, I believed him that time. It made me cry from the bottom of my heart, until I felt like my heart was exploding.

My son is the biggest thing in my life other than God, but we talked about him already. To feel on my skin that my son hates me was the worst thing I could hear in my life and then I cried. I cried so much that there was no time my son looked at me he saw that I hadn’t cried. I don't know why he told me that in such a calm way, as if he was done with everything, but then he came so many times to ask for forgiveness. We cried together after that, he hugged me and asked me to forgive me, that he didn’t really hate me, that he was just saying things.

Well, eventually I felt my heart smile again. Since then he always writes me and tells me that I am the most important thing in his life. As if he was scared I was going to think he hates me again, and so on.

He also assured me that he would never say that again. Because he doesn't know what he would do if I am no longer in his life, if I were to go away thinking that he hated me.

So I stopped saying that I don't cry. Because I can cry at any time when I least expect it.

But putting this past thing away, I consider my life to be very blessed. I believe that God has given me a lot. I live my day to day life the best I can, with the situations that come my way, without stress, with love ahead of me, with hope in people, with resilience, with forgiveness towards myself and others. With much to share with the world.

Let's enjoy as much as we can when the situation arises because we do not know when we will be sad and only the memory of our joys make us overcome the pain.