I Just Want To Breathe

We are not perfect, so we have problems from time to time. The "occasionally" becomes more frequent. Life's challenges continue to present themselves, no matter what we do to avoid them. That is normal in human life; we simply learn to accept and combat such problems. You are fortunate if you are able to overcome the difficulties that life throws at you. Why do we have problems in the first place? Doesn't that sound like a crazy question? I feel like, are these things really happening now? I'm not used to dealing with such problems. I feel, now I am experiencing real life. I mean, I still can't believe what's happening. Sometimes, it's really hard to accept the reality of life.

I don't want to go any further; I'm writing this now to relieve the pain and sadness I'm facing. It's about my family in the province. We sometimes believe that their lives are always comfortable because they live in a place where the air is clean, life is simple, and supplies are inexpensive. Do you know the feeling of someone needs your help but you can't because you're too far away? My siblings and I are devastated because there are so many of us, but we are unable to travel home to our mother. Our mother became seriously ill last year, possibly from Covid-19 disease, but we don't know because she self-quarantined and no swab test was performed. Our world was on the verge of collapsing from fear of what might happen to her, since that time was locked down. We didn't even get home; we only saw her on video call while she was sick. And just a while ago, my sister told us that it's happening again to our mother. But my mother never told us about her, she said that she's okay, nothing to be worried. But the truth is she is sick again.

So far, we haven't discussed what to do or how we can handle our mother's situation because she doesn't have anyone to accompany her to the hospital. However, one of our siblings, who does not have spouse or children, intends to leave her job. It's also difficult because she'll have to give up her job, even if it's a stable one. But, in exchange, someone will look after our mother, which is the most important thing right now. It's really tough also in my part because I have to pretend in front of my children that I'm okay. I smile to them, I laugh and I act like nothing is happening bad. But deep in my heart, it feels so bad.

It's just a few reminders to all,

It's not too late to take good care of our parents. If they're old enough, they shouldn't be working too much. Only do the work based on their body's ability. As they get older, their strength changes and their immune systems weaken. Let them relax, let us work for them and take care of them.

I feel guilty din kasi noong kabataan ko, hindi ako umuuwi saamin. Makakausap ko lang siya sa video call. Maaga din Kasi akong nagtrabaho, puro trabaho lang ako pero hindi ako naging wise sa trabaho ko. Hanggang sa nag asawa na ko kaya di ko masyadong nakasama ang nanay ko.