It was 5 o'clock in the morning when I started to write these lines. I've been thinking for hours, I couldn't bear to roll over in my bed any longer and I got up and went to my desk. While I was writhing in restlessness, I wanted to apologize to the children who could not find a place to sleep and were writhing in the cold.
I wanted to apologize on behalf of those who booed the French people, who commemorated their loss, which will probably reach two hundred, in a national game that I did not watch, and those who wanted to shout and say that they are with them.
Again, I wanted to apologize for being booed by those who wanted to commemorate my friends who were massacred in Ankara in a match I didn't watch. I wanted to apologize for still living in the land of a bloodthirsty herd. I wanted to apologize for continuing to live in a country where people have raided their homes and written "obey or die" on their walls.
Just today, the research of Pew, the research company I read, revealed that 8 percent of Turkey sympathizes with ISIS, I saw this, maybe the rate is more or less, I wanted to apologize for that. Of course, it is a debt of apology for not being able to reduce those who enjoy blood, and even watching their numbers increase exponentially.
We felt sorry for France, maybe we cried, but we didn't see what happened in Beirut the day before, so I wanted to apologize for that.
There were people who died in the explosion of a mosque in Yemen, we couldn't see it, we didn't see it, I wanted to apologize. Maybe because we couldn't hear about the explosion in Iraq and maybe because we think it's routine now. I wanted to apologize for the faces that die every day in Syria.
I wanted to apologize for the borders opened so that they could die and the guns given to the killers by trucks so they could kill. Speaking of the opened borders, I wanted to apologize to the planes that were sent, from Libya, Tunisia and from all over the world, who were brought into Syria via Turkey with the zeal of being murderers.
I have traveled all over Turkey, I want to travel further, to know more of its people, to see more of its beauty, to witness beauty. There are people who could not create this opportunity, I wanted to apologize. All over my country, there are calls to 'this place will also be opened to rent, see it before it opens'. I wanted to apologize for this. I wanted to apologize to those who cried around the world.
Then, I wanted to apologize to the head of the academy for the hypocrisy that put forward the massacres committed by France in the past to soften the massacre in France, but could not finish praising Adnan Menderes, the legal supporter of those massacres. Then I wanted to apologize to those who made that 'man' head of the academy, worked well with him, opened the borders to murderers, gathered votes from the smell of blood, and ruled the country with the blood-smelling votes he gathered.
For those who died, or more precisely, for thousands. Because we couldn't find their perpetrators, maybe because we allowed those who killed someone and made these murders their conscience. The worst part is, I want to apologize for not being able to prevent them from having the unscrupulousness to do this, and worse still, for being a bystander sometimes.
I wanted to apologize to the women who are beaten, harassed and killed on the streets every day.
I also want to apologize for the trees that were cut down, the cats, dogs, birds, insects and more that were killed.
I apologize for the things that didn't come out of my apology, maybe even to myself, for the things I couldn't apologize for. I wanted to apologize for continuing to live in a country, a region and a world where the number of apologies cannot be counted. I wanted to apologize to every single baby born into this world, to every kid who grew up here.
For insults, cursing, lying, cheating, stealing and all kinds of abuse. I got this tonight. I just wanted to apologize for this.
I wanted to apologize for all this and beyond. Maybe you want to apologize too. A real apology, but not a word. With all sincerity and sincerity.
Because we willingly or unwillingly allowed, failed to prevent or remained a spectator to all these things. Maybe because we are part of another hatred and maybe even because we are the perpetrators or partners of one of them.