Don’t Cry Boy, Everything Will Be Better Tomorrow
I'm not lamenting my sorrow, I'm also not crying over my regrets. What I think is about the dark past that is hard to forget and always remembered in my dreams. The pain I've felt since childhood, I still can't forget to this day. Bullying that occurred at school, made me don’t feel the same golden childhood memories as other children. Oh God, why does my life look like this?
Have my parents ever been guilty at one time so that God took it out on me? Do I have an unintentional mistake that makes them angry? Am I too weak to live in a harsh environment? Am I considered weird so people dare to look down on me? ironically of all the questions, none of which I really understand I lived life at that time with a feeling of torture.
Like a good boy, I didn't try to hurt any feelings of anyone either physically or mentally. I just want something good to come to me. The kindness from family, kindness from friends, kindness from teachers at school. I always try to be kind to others, but why? Why am I the only one who doesn't get what I expect?
There is something wrong there. Even a teacher still justifies the violence that a child does, because our age is still natural to act naughty. If I could, I just wanted to scream "noooo, why am I looking like this?? I want to get out of here as soon as possible, I want a normal lifeee". But sadly, it was just an inner scream. As a good boy, I didn't dare run away from home and sacrifice my school which was like hell for me.
Personally and socially, I am a loner and have an introverted personality. So that my little friends misunderstood my character. I didn't feel arrogant and tried to antagonize the others, but it was already done. When I'm being bullied, people I consider friends can't help me because they already misunderstood my character. So, they are afraid of me too. At that time, it became quite often that my food supplies were taken by them, quite often they stepped on my money, sometimes snatching it. It also quite often they pranked me in the toilet and this kind of ridiculousness was too much.
Faced with something like that, I feel like I just want to kill myself because I couldn’t stand their behavior. I got really bad psychologically and mentally, always trying to avoid people like them. But, I still can't. Until I finally graduated from elementary school, finally I can breathe free air after going through a hell-like school period and it was a tough childhood that I had.
For the high school years, I didn't experience anything like that anymore because I was in a better school environment. I am more valued and have had good teachers, friends and even a girlfriend. But mentally and psychologically, I'm still affected by it. Even though it doesn't happen anymore in high school and college. When there was an invitation to a reunion in elementary school, I never accepted to come because I was already hurt by their treatment in the past. I just always pray that they will get punishment from God. However, it seems that never happened.
Then with this article, I pondered a question like, “why does a bully seem not to regret his actions and apologize?” or “why someone who is considered toxic can be powerful and demean others?”. Before I tried to be strong like now, I always cried over my childhood which was full of sadness and the circle of hell.
Then, I tried to treat my wounds in the past by going to a psychologist (I’m sorry because I came as a patient for treatment, I didn't have time to document this). In the end, I understood that it was beyond my control and a bully does have a toxic nature in relationships. I think that a bully and a toxic person are the same things. They seek pleasure in the wrong way. One of their characteristics is that they bully in groups where a victimized individual like me can't do anything about it. They are also quite manipulative in front of teachers or people who didn’t know the problem. So, they are quite skilled in slandering people who are actually victims of their treatment.
To be honest, I feel sad writing articles like this because I have experienced this before. I hope that bullying doesn't happen in any environment and should be eradicated from life. I pray for myself and my fellow writers here as Read.Cash family. We hope that our lives are better than those who have hurt us in the past.
In closing summary, I quote a song. I hope the children who have cried because their childhood is gone, let's get up. We must build a new world for the joy of tomorrow.