Contradicting Feelings

I dont want to see you

But I really miss you

I dont want you to see me

But I want you to miss me

I keep saying that give up

But I still keep my hopes up

I really really hated you

But I still kept on loving you

I keep my distance from you

But I want to stand close to you

I avoid making eye contact with you

But I cant help but stare and gaze at you

This feelings of mine, keep on contradicting

To the point that its leads to suffering

I'm sad

I'm lonely

I miss you

I'm in pain