Who failed, Who’s failing?

For once in your life, did you ever ask yourself some questions your innocent mind shouldn’t have to ask?

Such questions that are kinda deep and dramatic?

I guess, most of us have been through it, self-questioning. I also find myself thirsty for some answers left unanswered because those only existed in my head.

“Am I a family to them? Or Are they considering me as their family?”

“What have I done for them to treat me this way?”

The younger me used to ask myself those questions. The way I was treated by some family members made me wonder why.

When I was a kid, I have seen the different sides of my kin. From the super compassionate, up to the super strict. I thought the way they neglected some of us as their nephews and nieces was just normal. Because we were raised not to bring up our voices or speak out against our elders. And even in my young mind, I am aware of what’s favoritism was.

Those who were good at school, good looking with fair complexion were the ones they loved and cared more, and I also experienced it somehow, however, when I grew up and I failed their expectations, they started to hate me.

I could hear from other people how they made up stories about me, stories I couldn’t imagine came from someone I thought I could trust. And I consider that as a part of my existence until this day.

In a Filipino family there’s always toxicity, not all, but mostly. But what if that toxic mind came from your closest kin? Your Parents.

I know how parents only care for their children’s welfare because I am also a parent, I know how a parent dreams for their child to be successful someday, to be comfortable in life as they grow and age.

But I just couldn’t understand some parents hating their children because they considered them “Failures”. And, I am one of those children who grew up as a failure.

Because as older as I get, I am very aware of how people’s level of respect changes by who’s earning fair and could give enough to them.

Does money matter above all? Are money and riches matter most than your blood? What do you think? Me, I don’t think so.

I just feel sad about how other parents considered their children as failing individuals just because they are not earning or could provide as they expected their children to do.

Each of us was born differently, from different states in life, some may be born rich, some may be born poor, and it’s no one’s fault.

It’s just we are all living in a judgmental world with so many definitions and levels of “human standard”.

But if you’re getting hardships because you didn’t do anything to change your life then that’s a different story.

“Look at their daughter, she’s already a professional, what about you?”

“I’ve heard my friend’s son is now abroad, his parents are really blessed.”

Those sentences, oh, I’ve heard those a couple of times already. Seems normal, because parents just wanted their children to take inspiration from them. However, not all could take those words positively.

Yet, can you compare a son of a politician, an engineer, a marine, or a seaman to the son of a farmer, or to the daughter of a common laborer who is just earning enough to live?

Parents, who failed and who is failing?

Did you ever ask your son or daughter about their dreams? Did you ever recognize them? Are you showing support or are you controlling them?

Stop patronizing money and start looking at your kids. You prayed for them, and it’s no one’s responsibility to give them a comfortable life and nurture them but you.

Always hear your child’s voice, let them speak out, they are not puppets to be controlled.

I know the feeling of being belittled by my blood, and it hurts, it won’t just leave a heavy feeling but it deeply soothes my senses, until questions started to pop out in my head and I started to question my worth.

Just so you know, it could trigger your child’s emotions negatively.

But I chose to just keep it with me because my respect for them is bigger than my resentment.

And so, I decided to just continue to dominate my plans and dreams, especially now that I have my own family.

No, I don’t want to let my kids experience what I had been through. I will nurture them with the care that they deserve, and let them feel each day that they are loved, and they don’t have to prove anything just to be accepted.

Instead of scolding and comparing them, why not boost their confidence, it helps a lot, I swear.

It’s not bad to dream for them, it’s not wrong, it won’t be, but always remember, your children have their free will and mind too. Trust them, they have the power to make their dreams come true. They also have feelings and their emotions are valid just like you.

No one is a failure, it’s only our mind that is making it. As long as you are still breathing and living your life here on Earth without hurting anyone, you are not a failure. Because every day by the time we open our eyes to see the morning sun, we have our chance to change and continue what we are pursuing in life.

Yes, money is essential, and I guess we couldn’t live a comfortable life without it, I know, but it couldn’t save you forever, it won’t guarantee you a lifetime of happiness. If you want it, work for it, because it’s nobody’s responsibility to hand it to you for free.

Stop putting pressure and expectations, accept the reality that if you want to attain something you have to exert efforts to achieve it. So if you want to see your child progress, help them, go and support them, that isn’t so hard.

Mold your children well in a manner that no one’s feelings are being hurt, stop controlling their life and give them the freedom to choose their dreams, and show them that you’re behind them to support them. No one is a failure, each of us is special in our way.

✨ To the ones reading this, just continue to strive, reach your dreams even for somebody it’s quite impossible. Conquer the life that you desire, you are special and you can do it. ✨

Thank you for your time reading. 🙏🏻

Written by: @eommaZel 💚